reflections on lent

So, I realized I never actually finalized my thoughts on my whole "Lent" running experience.  If I didn't give a re-cap and share what I learned through it all, I feel like it would be anti-climactic.  Therefore, here are my concluding thoughts...

-We always under-estimate what we are truly capable of.  If you were to tell me at the beginning of my 40 days that I would be able to run 5 miles by the time it was all said and done, I would have never believed you.  However, that is exactly what happened.  I have seen this process occur time and time again in my life.  From writing excessively long research papers to moving to a new city and starting over again to running a full marathon, I have found myself taking actions I didn't believe I would ever possibly be able to do.  Thanks be to God for His strength to carry through the tough times of discipline and perseverance!

-You HAVE to push through sometimes.  The initial energy you feel at the onset of a big undertaking will often wane.  You can't let yourself get bogged down in the lack of "feeling" or motivation.  You absolutely have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I think this comes in to play often in our spiritual walks.  Especially in our generation, there is such a disdain for "going through the motions."  We want to be motivated by feeling, not obligation.  Yet, there are times when we simply have to press forward.  In the life of a Christian, there is a need for discipline and regularity because it forces us to continue to move, even when we don't "feel" like it.

-We need to create more "space" in our lives.  Running was a time that allowed me to get away.  I could think, pray, or just zone out.  I listened to music, noticed my surroundings, and could spend time with God.  It wasn't always this spiritual emphasis, but there was availability for it to happen.  We too often clutter our lives with the material--work, friends, family, and the busyness of life--that we don't leave space for anything else.  We need time to get away from the demands of life and just "be."

Overall, I had a very positive Lenten experience this year.  It's always nice to place ourselves outside of the usual routine and allow things to get changed up in our lives.  Although I would never say that my running experiment was anything symbolic or parallel to Christ's sacrifice in His last 40 days on earth, it definitely was a beneficial instrument in my walk with Him.  And as Easter reminds us, it's definitely not over yet!  "He who began a good work" in my life is continuing to develop me. So, let the journey continue...

to be known...

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  1 Corinthians 13:11-12


Recently, I was out for a walk and this passage came to mind.  "Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  How amazing will it be to be FULLY known?  I can't even imagine how wonderful (and utterly scary) it will be to be known for who I truly am.  There's such freedom in knowing that God loves me as I am, and that one day when I stand before Him, clothed in the righteousness of Christ, I will be fully known.  


Yet, this time, the passage hit me from a different perspective.  As amazing as it will be to be "known," how much more incredible will it be for us to fully know God?  Right now, I can only know Him as much as my tiny little brain can hold and as much as the Holy Spirit reveals to me in my finite heart.  How much does God also desire for himself to be fully known by us? 


I thought about any other relationship we may have on this earth.  Usually, relationships begin to grow and develop as people learn more about each other. Typically, one person does not hold all the knowledge about the other (that would be called "stalking").  Instead, as each person grows in their insight about the other person, the relationship gets closer.  (Unless you learn more and begin to totally dislike what you are finding out!)  We all hope that as this relationship develops, it will get stronger when the other person learns more about what makes us tick, how we operate, the things we enjoy, our hopes, desires and dreams.  It's a cry of the human heart to be known and loved for who you really are.  


Also, in our relationship with God the same could be said.  Although He knows EVERYTHING about us, we can only fathom a small amount of the entirety of who He is while we are here on this earth.  Does He not desire to be known by us as well?  Not only known as much as our pea-sized minds can hold but REALLY known. One day, we will get the opportunity to stand before Him in all of His splendor and experience just that.  And as amazing that it will be to be fully known for who we are...how much more incredible will it be to know God for who HE truly is? 


"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face..."

perfectionist? me? never...

So, this week my running lesson has been "perfectionism."  For those of you who know me, this will probably not come as a surprise.  It was bound to happen at some point in this experience.  Here's how it all started...

One day this week I decided to work on my running speed.  To give you some background here, I have NEVER been a speed runner.  These short legs don't have much to offer in that arena!  My strength in running always came from my consistency and perseverance.  I could build myself up to longer distances over a period of time by plugging away at a slow and steady pace. I typically run a 10 minute mile without fail and really have no qualms about it.  Well, this past summer, I decided to see if I could change that.  So, I started timing myself on shorter distances, challenging myself to increase my speed each time.  My overall goal was to hit an 8:30 mile.  And eventually, I made it.  It was a fun experiment.

Well, over the course of this lenton experience, I have monitored my speed from time to time as well.  There have been a few times I've ran my 2 mile stints, gauging my minutes per mile each way.  This week, I wanted to push myself and see how fast I could really go.  Well, first mile out:  9 minutes.  :(  I was a bit disappointed, so I put some more elbow grease into it (or would it be knee grease?) and squeezed out an 8:45 on the way back.  Many people would have been excited, even elated, that a month into getting back into running I was able to almost make the same time goal I had when I had been running all summer. However, with me being the perfectionist that I am, that was not the case.  Instead, all I could think about was that I was capable of running 8:30.  All I needed to do was shave off 15 seconds! 15 teeny tiny seconds kept me from where I wanted to be.  Fortunately, I didn't let myself sit in this frustration for very long.  I encouraged myself with the facts that I hadn't been running all winter and that 8:45 is a very respectable speed given my situation.  In the end, I felt ok about my time.  Yet, my initial response told me a lot about how I had perceived the situation deep down.

Those 15 seconds can really get us.  Whether it's running, or weight loss, or our career, or grad school, or even our spiritual walks, we can get hung up on those moments where we don't quite meet up to our own expectations.  Maybe we don't even realize our expectations are there...until we fail to reconcile them.  Then, that's all we can think about.  We can't get that little measurement out of our heads.  We tell ourselves: "But I'm capable of so much more..." "I can't believe I let that happen..."  "If I had only studied more, prepared more, prayed more, etc."  It's in those moments we come to the cross-roads.  Will we extend ourselves a little grace, get back up on our feet and try again?  Or will we allow the frustration and self-pity/doubt to keep us stuck? For me, I'm hitting the pavement again.  In the end, I may not do much better than 8:45, but on the other hand, who knows?  And I won't ever find out unless I keep trying...

keeping the pavement hot

"weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart.

weep little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start." --mumford and sons

one thing that i've learned through this running experiment is that it's not always easy. (duh, right?) this past week was one such example of that. it seemed like it took everything within me to force myself to get out there and run. then, when i did hit the pavement, i could barely scratch out a mile and a half. it seemed so strange to me that just a week before, i was easily running 3-4 miles. if i had listened to my body and my willpower, i would have just thrown in the towel right then and there. fortunately for me, i committed to finishing this thing out and i kept on moving forward. by the beginning of this week i was able to get back up to 3 miles at a regular pace.

all that to say, unfortunately, i see the same thing happening all around me within the context of the "spiritual race" we're all a part of. i have seen people start out strong and then later on, come to the point where they struggle to put one foot in front of the other (i have experienced this myself as well). at this crucial period is where there's a crossroads--the question is asked: "will you continue to press on through the difficult times or will you throw in the towel altogether?" too many of us give up.

i have seen strong Christian friends come to a point in their lives where they find themselves in a struggle--maybe it's a certain sin they keep tripping up on, or maybe their life circumstances became rather difficult. either way, they feel like the situation they are in was too uncomfortable to keep pressing through. perhaps they could only force out a small amount of (fill in the blank) what they used to be able to do, and as a result, they began to believe that's all they are capable of anymore. so, they stopped challenging themselves, and lowered their standards--after all, that's all they have been managing these days, so that must be what things have come to. and they resign themselves to the lifestyle they have been living or the circumstances they find themselves in. this is a sad state to be in. weren't we called for so much more?

should we lament over what "could have been" or should we take a risk and start hitting the pavement again? i suggest we do the latter. i'm not saying it's going to be easy--b/c it won't. i'm not saying that every day you'll feel like running, b/c you definitely won't. but in the end, won't it be rewarding that at least you gave it a shot? and the fortunate thing about it all, is that we don't go at it alone. we have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of us, helping us continue to put one foot in front of the other--both on the days we knock out 4 miles and the days we struggle to scratch out 1. so, let's hit the pavement...

oh the many factors...

recently, i have been experiencing how many different factors play into running. if one teeny tiny little thing is off it can throw the whole experience. one day, i will be running along, the wind at my back, feeling good. on those days i feel like i can go for miles and miles. however, the next time i set out to run may be a completely different experience. maybe i didn't drink enough water or the weather is a little chilly. or perhaps i didn't prepare myself mentally for the distance and my heart's just not in it. on those days i STRUGGLE.

i think about how this relates to my "run" or walk with God. when everything's in place and all the factors line up, my pace is fantastic. i feel like i could go the distance. however, there are times when it's not so easy. maybe i'm dealing with a tough situation in my life or perhaps i haven't gotten enough sleep. maybe it's just simply that i'm not in the right mindset mentally. all the same...i STRUGGLE.

this has been an encouragement to me to keep on pressing ahead. some days i will find it difficult to knock out a mile or two. when those days come (and they will) it's important for me not to get discouraged and give up. the next time i head out may be quite a different experience and what i do in preparation now will help put me in the right place when that time comes.

so, as i look now at lent and the importance of the discipline of running, i am reminded of the value in spiritual disciplines as well. even things as small as getting enough sleep and starting my day off with a positive attitude can have an impact on my relationship with God. reading my Bible, spending time in prayer and having time of fellowship/study with other believers also play an important role in my "training." therefore, as i go forward may i not get discouraged by my lack of "performance" in these areas, but keep pressing on day by day b/c you never know what the next run may hold....

i was running...

Recently, I was speaking to a woman at work about Lent. She challenged my thinking about the traditional observation of "giving something up." She told me that instead of taking something out of her life, she usually she likes to to add something to her life instead (i.e. more time in Bible reading or prayer). That left me with something to think about, wondering what approach, if any, I should take this year. To subtract or add? Or do nothing at all??

Well, I went for a run later that week and had a really cool experience. While I was out on this run, I had an epiphany, what some may call a spiritual insight. Then, later that week I went running again. Unbelievably, the same thing happened. So, as I was thinking about Lent, it made sense to choose to "add" this year instead of "subtract," and running was evidently my activity. Adding the practice of running just seemed to fit. It allows me time and space for discipline, quiet, and opportunities for me to hear the voice of God. Therefore, I have committed to adding in regular times of running to my week during these next 40 days. And during that process, I would love to share with you the observations I have along the way. I'll start with my first observation...

...

MUD. It's never our favorite thing (unless you are a mud-wrestler by trade or those who claim to be professional observers of this activity). It messes things up. Creates stains. Gets you dirty. Bogs you down. And it's exactly what I encountered on my run.

I was running along the sidewalks down the road from my house. It was a casual 2 mile run, one of the first back since the winter. As I was cruising along I noticed a port-a-potty in front of one of the houses. That should have been my first red light: CONSTRUCTION. Instead of sidetracking or changing routes, I trucked along, holding my breath, of course. Shortly after, I notice that there is indeed construction going on and as a result, there is a layer of mud covering the sidewalk. Upon first glance, it seems as if the mud is not much of an obstacle--just a thin coating on the otherwise dry surface. Mistake #2. (I should have been getting a clue at this point!) Instead, I proceed along in my oblivion, only to discover that as I run, I am getting deeper and deeper in mud. Oops. Not quite what I thought I was getting myself into. This little thin layer is actually a bit more substantial than I hoped and by the time I reach the middle, I have mud covering my lovely white running shoes. Fortunately, I slow down a little so that it is not also covering my entire backside. ;) Although I was a bit dirtier, I made it through that stretch and kept putting one foot in front of the other. As I went along in my frustrations (I could have easily diverted my trek to the road instead, or the grass at minimal) a thought came to mind. "That's what sin's like." What? "That mud is what sin is like." Hmm. I just stepped into sin? I thought it was something so small and easy to get through.

I was wrong.

The same thing happens to us in life. Sin is deceptive. It's not easily managed. It's actually not managed AT ALL. You can start out thinking it's oh-so-small and end up with it ruining all that's nice and clean. It may seem like it's only just a small layer. Yet, you don't discover that it's ankle deep until you've already stepped in. Before you know it, it's not satisfied with stopping there.

So, as small of an insight as it may seem, it gave me such a meaningful picture of the power of sin. And, it caused me to think twice about any running route that includes a port-a-potty and MUD.

woe be John?

Recently, I was heading to the gym and realized I didn't have a book to take with me. (I like to read while I'm hitting the cardio...keeps me from getting bored!) So, I grabbed one of my old reads, "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin McManus. This is a book that my Sunday School teacher, Hugh Hale, recommended several years ago. It's a short read (about 140 pages) and I'd definitely recommend it if you haven't checked it out.

All that to say, the section I read that night had an excerpt that seems to have stuck with me ever since. It's from the story of the life of John the Baptist. It's one of those times that a very familiar story suddenly takes on a different twist. Allow me to let you in on the developments...

John the Baptist is a very popularly known Bible figure. He's the crazy guy in the wilderness who wears camel skins and eats locusts with honey who's going around dunking everyone and telling them to "repent." He's a very important person within the story of Christ in the sense that his life was foretold by prophesy and he was described as the "forerunner" who would prepare the way for Christ's coming. (some big shoes to fill, I'd say!)

John also had some really neat interactions with Jesus. We see their first encounter from the womb when his mother Elizabeth feels John jump in eutero as a pregnant Mary walks into the room. Then, later in his ministry, John is given the privelege of baptizing Jesus. At this encounter, he sees the heavens open up and God declaring "This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased." So, if anyone has "certainty" in their faith in who Christ is, I would say it's John. From the very beginning, the Holy Spirit seemed to be resonating with John, affirming to Him that "yes, this truly is the Christ of God."

However, despite all of this, there's a story at the end of John's life that is a little disturbing. Due to a series of events, John finds himself in prison at the hands of Herod. It's then that his disciples approach Jesus and ask, "Are You the One who is to come, or should we expect someone else?" (Matthew 11:3) This is a hard story to grapple with at times. Here is John, the same one who faithfully declared to crowds of people how sure he was of the divinity of Jesus, now wrestling with doubt. I wondered what went wrong.

Erwin McManus had a few interesting thoughts to share.

"John was living between prison and platter when he sent this message to Jesus. Shouldn't he expect Jesus to drop everything and come to his aid? After all, he had always been there for Jesus. Where was He when John needed Him? Was He unaware that John needed help? Was He indifferent to John's dilemma? Or was He simply not the Messiah as John had always believed?"

Jesus' response may be even more perplexing. He told John's disciples to go back and report what they heard and saw: "the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." (Matthew 11:4-6)

Jesus lists off all the things that have been happening: blind seeing, lame walking, etc. All of these things John is well aware of. Perhaps, this is the source of his issues to begin with. John KNOWS what Christ is capable of, but he is not seeing it happen in his own circumstances right now.

So, perhaps John's question to Jesus came as a result of unmet expectations. John had seen and heard all of all the miracles He was able to perform. He had even seen heaven itself open up and the Spirit of God descend upon Christ before John's very eyes. Why at this point would he not believe? Because it was personal. It was not about Christ's power or the abilities He possessed. It wasn't about the evidence. It was about Him and John.

John was in prison and alone, facing his own execution. It would be easy to hope that Jesus would come through for him and rescue him in this time of need. After all, wasn't He capable of that and so much more? Instead, John gets nothing as much as even a visit from Christ (that we are aware of). Wouldn't that cause a person to question?

Christ's answer gives us the response John needs...as well as the response that those of us in John's situation can be encouraged by thousands of years later. "Bessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me."

"Jesus was saying to him, 'John, I'm not coming through for you. I'm not getting you out of prison. I'm not sparing your life. Yes, I have done all this and more for others, but the path I chose for you is different from theirs. You'll be blessed, John, if this does not cause you to fall away.'"

There are times when are expectations may not be met. Perhaps we didn't see God come through in the way we had hoped. Maybe we face our own "prisons" sometimes when we feel incarcerated and alone. Although it's difficult, in those times we have to trust that we are fulfilling God's purpose for our lives despite our tough circumstances. Perhaps we're seeing the hand of God everywhere but within our own lives. Others are blessed and we are struggling. During these times, may we learn from John and recognize that we each are given different paths to take within the kingdom of God. And when we are faced with that prison and immenent danger, may we heed the words of Christ, not falling away on account of Him.