winter's welcome

wow. it's been a month since my last post. and boy, how have things changed since then! november was a lovely month--full of warm weather and beautiful fall colors (at least for the first part of the month!). then, december came. it's entrance was gentle and graceful at first...then it really showed itself as the true tyrant it is. snow, ice, and wind chills of -15! so, needless to say, i've busted out the down coat, scarves, snow boots, and gloves. i've surprised myself at how much i have taken it all in stride. you would think a TN girl who hasn't seen a real temperature of one degree in years would be having an extremely diffiult time with this! i'm not a huge fan of the cold and would much rather spend the greater part of my year in the summer months. however, i knew to expect a harsh winter and tried my best to prepare myself for what was around the corner. (but ask me how i feel in february or march when i'm so sick of seeing snow!)

all this to say, i have been through a huge learning process during this move--and still am going through it. every aspect of my life has been touched by this transition--from small things like the weather and getting used to hearing midwesterners talk, to big things like making friends, finding a church, and learning a new job. i feel like i personally resonate with the changing of seasons. how can i not? my season in life has just changed. i went from a very comfortable summer or fall--rich with the blessings of friends, family, and a place in life i truly enjoyed. then, the winter saunters in--a subtle transition at first, only to throw her harshness upon me as time went on...new location, new job, new people, and the struggle to make them all my own.

one observation i have made about winter is that it brings out an accute awareness in people. leaving your house requires preparation--starting your car early, making sure you have on all of your warm gear, etc. then, the walk to your car requires that you be on guard, watching out for patches of ice or a faulty step here or there. and the drive to work doesn't get any easier--your senses are always intensified, ready to respond to a slick spot in the road or a driver who can't stop because of the ice. you are aware of all that it takes to get from point A to point B.

i think this happens in the "winters" of our lives as well. it's funny how many things we take for granted in the summer and fall. for example, we never think about the process it takes to drive our car down the road--why would we? yet, when the winter comes, we recognize how many factors are involved and how much effort is expended when the weather is difficult. everything takes soooo much longer! and, so it has been with my life recently. there were things that God has brought to the surface during this winter season that i never would have realized or recognized during the summers and falls of my life. it's only because things are difficult am i aware. just like i would never have been aware of all the process we go through to get from point A to point B during good weather. it's only the inclement weather that brings this to my attention.

in a similar fashion, God has used this transition to catch my attention. He is bringing awareness to areas of my life that He wants to change. i have come to recognize things within myself that were deep down--lying dormant during times of comfort and ease. it has only been through the "inclement weather" that they have surfaced. although this process is painful and frustrating at times, i am so grateful that God is working on me. and i am certain that the Holy Spirit will continue to do so (...funny how we are never left alone!) and i know this winter, just like the other seasons, is temporary. one day, i will look back on it from the beauty of spring and will be extremely grateful for this process. and i am already grateful because i know that God is pruning me--forming, shaping, and molding me so that i may be conformed to His likeness and bear more fruit to His glory.

i am amazed at the patience of God towards His children. He doesn't give up on us...and He'll even use things like the Chicago winter to get our attention!

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:1-4

A Season's Change

The littered ground slowly bubbles
Crunchy leaves defying gravity
Rising up from their fallen state
In an effort to meet me.

The garbled view so dimly perceived
My kaleidescope world seen through water
Spilling over the crested edge
In an effort to be free.

The relentless season silently implodes
Weathered acorn's shell splits open
Inviting its golden innards to exposure
In an effort to live again.

highlights

So, I thought I would record a few highlights from my adventures in Chicagoland...

1. I bought my first ever pair of snow boots. They almost come up to my knees...I feel so hard core! I never thought I would ever live in a place that required such an apparatus!
2. Along with the boots, I am now a proud owner of a red down coat that has fur around the hood. It is good for up to 40 degrees below zero. I'm covered.
3. I had my first run-in with a raccoon. I never thought it would have happened in the suburbs of Illinois. I mean, I was living in Daniel Boone territory where we make "coon skin" hats...and never had such a close encounter! This raccoon was successfully living in our garage for a couple of days until it made it's break through the vinyl siding.
4. I made an attempt at "Whirley Ball." This is a very "technical" game involving a mixture of bumper cars, lacrosse, and basketball. I was horrible...
5. I bought my first ever pair of leggings. (my first since the days of stirrup pants at least) It's the cool thing around here, along with scarves and boots. Probably due to the lovely weather that is soon approaching...
6. Church shopping has become my hobby. It's quite the task finding a new church home, especially when your old one was so amazing! :) There have been some runners up, but no one who has stolen the crown yet. Keep praying that I'll find the one that's a good fit soon.
7. I went to my first ever CareNet Banquet. (CareNet of DuPage is the organization I work for.) There were 1,100 people there and it was amazing. Dinesh D'Souza spoke and had a lot of great things to say. If you've never heard him, I definitely recommend checking him out...but only when you're brain is ready to be challenged! I am so grateful to work for an organization that works passionately to love and support women and the cause of life.

Well, those are just a few of the highlights. It's been a few months and so far I have survived! :) Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support.

standing guard

This weekend I was reading Nehemiah and a couple of things really struck me. Nehemiah is not one of those books you frequent for memorable scriptures or words of wisdom. Yet, there is a lot of rich material there. The themes of the book are very compelling--a man stricken for the loss and exile of Jerusalem decided to turn his burden into action by returning to the city to rebuild the wall. However, he didn't just stop there--he rallied everyone around his vision and incorporated whoever is left in the city to work towards this common goal. There's a lot to learn about passion, hard work, and overcoming obstacles. There are also a ton of references towards community, accountability, and protecting one another.

Yet, this weekend, God had something different to point out to me. It was in the last chapter of the book. Nehemiah had come to a close in his work on the wall. Things were back into working order. People filled the city once again. So, he left to go back to his old job as a cupbearer for a bit. Once he left, things started to fall apart. Upon his return, he noticed there were some very clear violations of the laws of God. One of these he points out is the violation of the Sabbath. The people had begun to buy and sell goods and food on this holy day. Nehemiah approached the elders asking them how they could allow such a direct order of God be broken. When nothing changed, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He placed his servants at the gates on Sunday so that no one could enter the city to sell. Soon, people started camping out on the perimeter of the wall so that as soon as the servants left they could come in to sell. So, Nehemiah threatened them with physical harm! (Some things never change!) Then, he decides to do something very interesting. He asks the Levites to cleanse themselves and then he stations them at the wall so that they may help keep the Sabbath holy. After reading all of this, I thought about what a huge effort Nehemiah went through for honoring just one of God's laws. And...soon implications for what all of this means for us began to flood my mind...

We are all "Jerusalem." We can look at it as individuals or as a collective body. And we each reach a point at certain times when we grow apathetic to God's laws and begin to fail to see the purpose or intent behind them. I'm sure the Israelites thought nothing was wrong with buying some cloth or selling some grain on the Sabbath. Yet, Nehemiah saw the disobedience for what it really was and spoke out against it. We each need someone like this in our lives at certain points--someone to tell us we've gotten off-track or began to compromise. He wasn't afraid of what the people thought about him or who he might offend. He spoke the truth with the desire to see Israel get back on track.

But not only do we need Nehemiahs, we also need Levites. We need those who will be commissioned to stand watch. There is a very real enemy and he can be lurking outside of our "walls" at any moment, camped out, waiting for the opportunity to keep us where we're at. The Levites are protectors. They don't allow anything inside that would put us in a compromise.

Yet, they can't fulfill this role without having been cleansed themselves. The Levites cannot be the ones who are selling in the streets. They must be set apart from the disobedience and compromise that is occuring.

And all of this must be done in community. Nehemiah couldn't have done his job without the Levites. The Levites needed each other to stand as an active front. The Israelites needed Nehemiah and the others to help them see what was truly going on. Overall, this is not a one-man show...and neither is our "personal" walk with God.

We might find ourselves in any one of these positions. Perhaps we are an Israelite, wandering off with small compromises and a bit of apathy. We aren't really seeing any harm in what we're doing b/c after all, it's nothing big.

Yet, perhaps we're a Nehemiah. We are in a situation where maybe we are the only ones who see what's REALLY going on. We have a burden or an insight and know that things need to head in another direction.

Or perhaps we're the Levites. We've been called on to "stand watch," to pray or intercede for someone. Maybe we need to shower them with truth or just "be there." Whatever it is, our role is bind together to keep the opportunity for compromise on the outside.

So, what do we do?

If you are an Israelite--allow your life to be spoken into. Be open to hearing words of truth about the situation you are in. And more than that, allow others to come around you to help protect you.

If you are Nehemiah--speak the truth in love! And follow it with timely and wise action. Don't be afraid of what people will think. Share from your heart out of your burden and allow God to work through you.

If you are a Levite--stand together in protection. Pray! Speak truth over the situation you are watching over. Send words of encouragement and affirmation. Bind together with other Levites. Make this a group effort!

Most importantly, it's our job to realize that it's God who does the work. He is our Protector and Strength. Yet, He created us in community and we are given a responsibility for one another. I'm always amazed when He chooses to use His people to do wonderful things! Praise be to God.

oaks of righteousness

today for work we went to the morton arboretum for a day of prayer and fasting. it was really cool to have the opportunity to spend time in prayer and community (while also getting paid for it!). we spent 4 hours of the day in solitude, seeking after God, reading scripture, praying, and roaming the grounds. i didn't really know what to expect from the exercise, but at the end of the day i was extremely grateful for the ways that God had spoken.

the day started with a reading of hebrews 11. we then had to write down the ways that we had acted out of faith in our past. it was very humbling to think of myself in the same respect as Abraham, Moses, and Jacob. I couldn't imagine being counted among this "great cloud of witnesses." i struggled to come up with something and jotted it down, feeling like my act of faith seemed pretty insignificant in comparison. later, i was thinking about it and came to the realization that the same God that worked in them, lives in me. these people started out "small" and never intended for their lives to be recorded in history. they simply took steps of faith, one at a time, believing that what God had said for them was true. and here we are reading about them thousands of years later.

one of the major things that stuck out about the lives of those recorded in hebrews is the fact that they all suffered persecution and trials. they lived radical lives, willing to face lions, be sawed in two, or endure famine, beatings, and destitution. it's hard to relate to this while living in a 21st century western culture where our greatest persecution comes through a lack of cultural acceptance (and that is at times few and far between). so, what does this mean for me? i was reminded of a call to live a life of radical faith--even though i live in a more accepting day and age. i am asked to step out of the boat, to welcome in the stranger, to sacrifice my dearest things, and enter the lion's den--even if it occurs within the context of midwestern, suburban, Illinois.

later in the day, i spent some time wandering around the trails of the arboretum. as i was looking at all the trees, i saw a HUGE oak tree. i was then reminded of the scripture in Isaiah, describing us as "oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." seeing this majestic creation reminded me of the work that God is able to do in our lives--taking us as a weak seedling and growing us up into strong planting in Him. yet, God wasn't finished with teaching me yet...

i was walking the trail, heading back to my car when i saw a bunch of acorns scattered on the ground. i was reminded of the mighty oak and it's small beginnings...and the fact that the tiny little acorn must go through a process of dying before it is transformed into such a tall tree. then i realized this wasn't just about the acorn, but it was about me. things in my life must die off before new life is able to grow. the fathers of faith in Hebrews are all testaments to this. they endured processes of death, suffering, and persecution so that the glory of God would be revealed in and through their lives. so i must do the same. the hard shell of the acorn must be sloughed off and broken down so that the inner workings can be exposed, allowing the seed to flourish and grow. this is the process i must submit to, and unfortunately, this isn't a one time deal. every day, every hour, there must be a surrender to the process of the Spirit--allowing Him to expose and refine....so that ultimately His splendor will be displayed.

maybe we aren't as different from the "great cloud of witnesses" as i originally thought....

update

well, i haven't written in a bit, so i just thought i'd post a lil update. this past weekend my parents came to wheaton for a visit. this was their first time north of the mason-dixon line...they survived. :) we went downtown for a architectural boat tour (after an unsuccesful attempt at biking around lake michigan). then, we had chicago pizza, of course. on monday we went back to the city for a visit to the shedd aquarium and the field museum. it was a long day of walking, but i was grateful for the learning experience! we had lots of fun just touring around wheaton as well. from thai food downtown to walking around the lincoln marsh, there were lots of similar experiences that made the weekend memorable. i was grateful to have them here and i'm sure they were thankful to come and see where i lived. now, they can rest assured that i don't live in the ghetto!

as far as my job goes, i'm still training away. this has been the longest training process i have ever endured! however, there is cause for celebration....i will begin seeing clients on monday! this is a very unnerving, yet exciting task for me. i think i have all the information down pat, and hopefully my background in counseling gave me some sort of skills set. for those of you who don't know, the counseling we do is "peer counseling" and doesn't require a degree in mental health. most of it is very specific to pregnancy and/or the different options that women have in response to a "crisis" or "unplanned" pregnancy. there is a whole range of clients that come in--from 40 year old muslims to 15 year old plain ol' white girls. i am surprised at the extent of cultures, backgrounds, and socio-economic statuses that we see (and am extremely grateful for the diversity). i know that i will be challenged by every single woman that i sit across from in the peer counseling room....and i hope to walk away having learned as much from them as they did from me. so, say a little prayer for me that i am continually seeing my clients for who they truly are and able to speak to them where they are at in their lives. i'm sure that i will have stories and moments to share with you all as time goes on...

please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as i continue to transition to life here. i am still searching for different areas to "plug in" to. i hope that i am able to build connections and feel like i am "giving back" in some form or fashion. i am grateful for God having brought me this far and i know He will continue to guide me along the way. thank you all for your love and support as well. and, until next time....

i, the scoffing mourner

this week i was reading in luke chapter 8 where Jesus heals Jairus' daughter. i had read this passage before and was familiar with the story. however, something struck me this time like it never had before.

Jesus was approached by Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue. he fell at Jesus' feet and pleaded with Him to come to his house to heal his daughter who was very ill. Jesus agreed to go, and as they were on their way, someone came to report that the daughter had already passed away. instead of stopping in His tracks and aborting His mission, Jesus kept on going.

"But Jesus on hearing this answered him, 'Do not fear; only believe and she will be well.' And when he came to the house...all were weeping and mourning for her, but He said, 'Do not weep, for she is not dead, but sleeping.' And they laughed at Him, knowing that she was dead. But taking her by the hand He called, saying, 'Child, arise.' And her spirit returned and she got up at once." Luke 8: 50-55

when Jesus arived He must have seemed crazy. everyone was there weeping and mourning over the loss of this little child and instead of comforting them, he contradicts them. "She is not dead, but sleeping." how ridiculous this must have seemed to the mourners. they were there the whole time. they saw her take her last breath. they knew with certainty that she was gone. however, the reality of their perception was not the truth of the situation.

how often have i been in this spot? how many times have i laughed at the thought of an alternate reality? how easily do i find myself in the shoes of the scoffing mourner?

in seeking to live a life of faith, we all face similar situations on a frequent basis. we see the reality of our lives--cancer, loss, apathy, sin, brokeness, etc--and we recognize them as "the way it is." we see our culture spinning down a spiral of self-indulgence and destructive behavior and accept it as a fact. we watch as laws are passed and decisions are made and believe that nothing will change. well, all of these may be real but are they true?

i serve a God who raises the dead. the One who caused the sun to stand still in the sky. He releases those in bondage to addiction and sin. He went to the grave and came back to tell about it. He's not about doing things the "right way." He doesn't have a set of rules to follow or laws of nature to obey. who am I to tell Him was is "real" and what cannot possibly change? how can i laugh in His face as He whispers, "things will not always be this way" or "this is not how it is" or "no, she is not dead?"

may i have the faith to radically trust, the strength to see past the situation and the obedience to walk forward, no matter how "unreal" it may seem.