flaws and all...

As humans criticism comes naturally.  We consume it, we ruminate over it, we spit it out.  We let it fill our lives, thoughts, and words.   And although we’re really great at criticizing others, we truly EXCEL at criticizing ourselves.  We have a (sometimes constant) tape running through our heads of all of our “shoulds” in our lives—what we should look like, what we should be doing, how we should be as people.  And in an effort to fulfill those, we put only our best face forward for all the world to see.  Only a select few in our lives are allowed to see us at our worst.  We do this because we believe that by putting our best face out there it will bring us affirmation and help relieve some of the “shoulds.”  Yet, the opposite somehow rings true.  We are actually only serving to feed that criticism and as a result the negative tape just keeps on rolling.  See, if everyone only shows their best, then we begin believing that the best is actually the average. And if my best is your average, then my best is no longer good enough.  We begin holding ourselves up against each other, living in a constant state of comparison, criticism, and self-deprecation.     If we only see beautiful and talented and successful and amazing in front of us all the time, we feel unable to compete.  Soon enough, we stop trying. And perhaps we never “should” have tried to begin with. 

 

I was thinking about all this today as I was deleting pictures of myself off of my phone b/c they didn’t meet certain standards.  Lazy eye and dry skin.  Asymmetrical or blemished.  Blah.  And if I allow myself listen to the negative tape, I can go on about more things than just my looks. I can share about my unmet expectations in my life, my job(s), my relationships, and the list goes on.  BUT…It’s time to hit the stop button and throw that tape out.  Cuz the tape isn’t the last word.  And ultimately, that negative tape is not the truth.  The truth is that I am deeply loved and fully accepted, flaws and all.  And that same love and acceptance goes for all of us.  We are beautifully and wonderfully (and intentionally) made (Ps 139: 14).  We can lay all of our striving for those “shoulds” aside.  Actually, the best place for them is at the feet of the only One who is able to give us what we are looking for-- fulfillment and rest.  (Psalm 65:2, Matthew 11:29)  So, see ya Mr. Negative Tape!  It’s time for you to go.  There’s something and Someone better I’d like to listen to. 

 

And perhaps it’s time for all of us to put our flawed faces forward. 

 

 

 

“All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed.”

Bastille—Flaws

"I think it's about forgiveness..."

I was talking with a few women yesterday about the topic of "forgiveness."  These women have walked through some very difficult times.  They have been betrayed and hurt by those they were closest to.  They have made choices themselves that are hard to move on from.  And in reality, we all have.  We've been the recipients of other's pain and insecurities.  We've been lashed out at, neglected, and sometimes even abused.  Forgiveness is often the most difficult thing to grasp in those situations. And even once we grasp it, it so easily slips away when we are reminded of the pain once again.

In Matthew 18:21 Peter asks Jesus how often he is to forgive his brother when he sins against him,
"up to seven times?"  (I'm sure Peter was feeling a bit generous with his offer.)  Jesus responds, "I tell you, not seven times but seventy-seven times."

I can only imagine that Peter and the other disciples are a bit taken aback.  Jesus, as usual, turned their thought process upside down.  Seven times seemed like the good and proper thing to do. Seventy seven times seems just a bit absurd.

This passage came to mind yesterday as we were hashing out what forgiveness looks like.  Just as much as I am called (actually, commanded) to forgive my brother or sister when they do multiple wrongs against me, I am also called to forgive them multiple times for the single wrong they have committed.  See, forgiveness is a fickle thing that requires a bit of long-term attention.  Even though I forgave that person in the past, the forgiveness doesn't alway stick.  There's a trigger, an incident, or simply a memory that brings that hurt to the surface.  Forgiveness somehow made an exit, even though I could've sworn I had already been there, done that.  So, I forgive them again, and again and again, sometimes what feels like seventy seven times, until one day they (and myself) are completely set free from that old wound.

So, Jesus basically denies the option to take the easy road out.  I can no longer speak words of forgiveness with my mouth while harboring old wounds in my heart and expect to check this command off my list.  Forgiveness is a continual choice, oftentimes, over and over and over again.

Yet, there's a promise to all of this.  Forgiveness IS possible.  There is hope that the pain of the past will no longer have a hold on our present.  Christ gave us this command because He has gone before us and lived this out.  He has forgiven us for the multitude of sins we have committed against him, including that one sin that keeps coming up multiple times.  And only through this forgiveness we have received in Him,  do we find a source of forgiveness to extend to others.

So, we are not alone. He has gone before us. And He is with us now, bringing us to the point of forgiveness, for ourselves and others, day in, day out, even more than seventy seven times...however long it takes.

As Don Henley would say, I think the heart of the matter (and rather, the matter of our hearts) is about forgiveness. 


"I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness..."