one of ten thousand

Lawdy. I don't even know where to start.  Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you are flustered and just don't have the words to say?  Perhaps there's a sudden rush of feelings (sadness, excitement, nervousness, anger) and BOOM! You're dumfounded and struck silent.  Generally, these moments reel me into a surge of internal processing where my brain hits high octane trying to make sense of it all.  I've never been a verbal processor.  Quite the opposite.  It takes TIME and lots of it for me to make sense of all that's bouncing around in there.  I like to keep it inside and try to organize it all into its nice neat compartments before it comes spilling out. Hence why this blog post will seem a little late to the game. Needless to say, I am one of many voices and a bit tardy at that, but I felt like just the act of writing these thoughts down would be helpful to make some sense of it all. 


So, here I go.  Hit the hot topic button and hold on for dear life.


Refugees. 


Just let the word sink in.  It's been so laden lately.  This single word can provoke sympathy, anger, disdain, indifference, action, and the list goes on.  We've all been up in arms in regards to the issue and have found ourselves standing off against one another.  There are political opinions, religious opinions, humanitarian opinions, and the "y'all are all crazy" opinions.  The biggest struggle has been seeing the political and religious opinions begin to clash.  In the name of Christ or in the name of Democracy--it's all gotten a bit muddled.  As a person of faith, I can't help but have thoughts on it all.  Here are just a few:


-We have an individual and communal responsibility to live out our faith and impact society around us...BUT it gets tricky when we think about how the government gets all mixed up in that.  We want things to go a certain way politically, but regardless of the outcome, our obligation stays the same.  We must live out our faith.  We must follow in the example of Christ.  We must serve, we must love, we must obey.  By following the example of Christ, I learn how to fulfill a purpose in the midst of a trying political environment.  During His day, things were corrupt.  There was an outside ruler.  The Jewish people wanted a Rescuer to sweep them into utopia.  Yet, this was not His calling.  He came not to force a governmental rule, but to set people free.  He lived out peace, justice, mercy and love.  He fulfilled God's will despite (and with the help of) the political climate.  So, regardless of what my governor decides, I know what I must do.  I must love. I must serve.  I must trust God.


-Trust.  It's a difficult thing. Times are scary and we are full of fear.  We can't protect ourselves (we never could, in reality).  We fear the what if's and the could be's.  We are so "in touch" with what's going on in the world, we hear of a new horrific thing happening every few seconds it seems.  This has the effect of both numbing us and pushing us to the edge.  The crazy thing is, we fear what we know to be real.  Terrorism is real.  Evil is real.  And it can come knocking any time. 


We also know this first hand.  Not only did we experience 9/11, but we can go even further back to see the history of violence in our nation.  From the beginning, we set the stage to take, pillage, and destroy.  Our forefathers came to this country as refugees themselves, fleeing their homeland in the hopes of receiving religious freedom and new opportunities.  Soon enough, these refugees were taking over the land and oppressing the natives, almost pushing them to the extent of extinction.  We set up our own government and put our stake in the ground and became the United States.  So, unfortunately, the story of refugees taking over the country that harbors them is not that far from home. 


-So, as much as it makes sense to be afraid at times, we can't sit in that feeling.  We'll miss out on all the good stuff!  There is no part of me that tries to put on rose colored glasses, so let me just be up front.   a)  This could be an opportunity to serve.  If your state receives refugees, this is a chance to reflect the light of Christ.  How many of us would have the opportunity to travel to Syria (or any other war-torn country)?  Jesus told us to go to the nations, and now the nations are coming to US.  What a cool chance to serve and learn from one another.   b)  This whole situation has raised awareness about the needs of refugees.  The reality is many states accept refugees from various places all over the world already.  Here's a chance to get involved and learn more.  Check out organizations in your area that work with refugees such as World Relief.  Find ways to get involved.


Ultimately, it's not only refugees who are in need, as many have mentioned this week.  There are people next door, down the street, across the hall that are in need.  What will we do about it? As I close, I can't help but have Matthew 25 ringing in my head.  May I live out my faith by finding those, wherever they may be, or wherever they may come from, to visit, feed, clothe, and look after. 


"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"

flaws and all...

As humans criticism comes naturally.  We consume it, we ruminate over it, we spit it out.  We let it fill our lives, thoughts, and words.   And although we’re really great at criticizing others, we truly EXCEL at criticizing ourselves.  We have a (sometimes constant) tape running through our heads of all of our “shoulds” in our lives—what we should look like, what we should be doing, how we should be as people.  And in an effort to fulfill those, we put only our best face forward for all the world to see.  Only a select few in our lives are allowed to see us at our worst.  We do this because we believe that by putting our best face out there it will bring us affirmation and help relieve some of the “shoulds.”  Yet, the opposite somehow rings true.  We are actually only serving to feed that criticism and as a result the negative tape just keeps on rolling.  See, if everyone only shows their best, then we begin believing that the best is actually the average. And if my best is your average, then my best is no longer good enough.  We begin holding ourselves up against each other, living in a constant state of comparison, criticism, and self-deprecation.     If we only see beautiful and talented and successful and amazing in front of us all the time, we feel unable to compete.  Soon enough, we stop trying. And perhaps we never “should” have tried to begin with. 

 

I was thinking about all this today as I was deleting pictures of myself off of my phone b/c they didn’t meet certain standards.  Lazy eye and dry skin.  Asymmetrical or blemished.  Blah.  And if I allow myself listen to the negative tape, I can go on about more things than just my looks. I can share about my unmet expectations in my life, my job(s), my relationships, and the list goes on.  BUT…It’s time to hit the stop button and throw that tape out.  Cuz the tape isn’t the last word.  And ultimately, that negative tape is not the truth.  The truth is that I am deeply loved and fully accepted, flaws and all.  And that same love and acceptance goes for all of us.  We are beautifully and wonderfully (and intentionally) made (Ps 139: 14).  We can lay all of our striving for those “shoulds” aside.  Actually, the best place for them is at the feet of the only One who is able to give us what we are looking for-- fulfillment and rest.  (Psalm 65:2, Matthew 11:29)  So, see ya Mr. Negative Tape!  It’s time for you to go.  There’s something and Someone better I’d like to listen to. 

 

And perhaps it’s time for all of us to put our flawed faces forward. 

 

 

 

“All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed.”

Bastille—Flaws

"I think it's about forgiveness..."

I was talking with a few women yesterday about the topic of "forgiveness."  These women have walked through some very difficult times.  They have been betrayed and hurt by those they were closest to.  They have made choices themselves that are hard to move on from.  And in reality, we all have.  We've been the recipients of other's pain and insecurities.  We've been lashed out at, neglected, and sometimes even abused.  Forgiveness is often the most difficult thing to grasp in those situations. And even once we grasp it, it so easily slips away when we are reminded of the pain once again.

In Matthew 18:21 Peter asks Jesus how often he is to forgive his brother when he sins against him,
"up to seven times?"  (I'm sure Peter was feeling a bit generous with his offer.)  Jesus responds, "I tell you, not seven times but seventy-seven times."

I can only imagine that Peter and the other disciples are a bit taken aback.  Jesus, as usual, turned their thought process upside down.  Seven times seemed like the good and proper thing to do. Seventy seven times seems just a bit absurd.

This passage came to mind yesterday as we were hashing out what forgiveness looks like.  Just as much as I am called (actually, commanded) to forgive my brother or sister when they do multiple wrongs against me, I am also called to forgive them multiple times for the single wrong they have committed.  See, forgiveness is a fickle thing that requires a bit of long-term attention.  Even though I forgave that person in the past, the forgiveness doesn't alway stick.  There's a trigger, an incident, or simply a memory that brings that hurt to the surface.  Forgiveness somehow made an exit, even though I could've sworn I had already been there, done that.  So, I forgive them again, and again and again, sometimes what feels like seventy seven times, until one day they (and myself) are completely set free from that old wound.

So, Jesus basically denies the option to take the easy road out.  I can no longer speak words of forgiveness with my mouth while harboring old wounds in my heart and expect to check this command off my list.  Forgiveness is a continual choice, oftentimes, over and over and over again.

Yet, there's a promise to all of this.  Forgiveness IS possible.  There is hope that the pain of the past will no longer have a hold on our present.  Christ gave us this command because He has gone before us and lived this out.  He has forgiven us for the multitude of sins we have committed against him, including that one sin that keeps coming up multiple times.  And only through this forgiveness we have received in Him,  do we find a source of forgiveness to extend to others.

So, we are not alone. He has gone before us. And He is with us now, bringing us to the point of forgiveness, for ourselves and others, day in, day out, even more than seventy seven times...however long it takes.

As Don Henley would say, I think the heart of the matter (and rather, the matter of our hearts) is about forgiveness. 


"I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness..." 

passion post-passion

my small group is going through a study called "Restless" by Jennie Allen.  the timing in my life couldn't be better.  working 3 jobs and attempting to get settled into a new life leaves me feeling a bit crazy sometimes.  often I feel that my gifts and skills aren't being fully utilized, yet I am grateful for so many new experiences that are shaping me in different ways than before.  so, on one hand I'm thankful and on the other hand, well, I'm restless...

this week's study was about "passion."  it's super interesting b/c we're just coming off of "Passion Week." we often think that the general term "passion" has nothing to do with the "Jesus--passion play--crucifixion" kind of passion.  oh, but it does. :)  the word originates from a Latin word meaning "to suffer."  so, the passion of Christ led him to suffering and death, yet fulfilled such a larger purpose (even larger than we can possibly hope to grasp this side of heaven).  in that case, passion and suffering go hand in hand.  suffering and the fulfillment of purpose are intertwined with one another.  yet, we so often we only think of passion in the fun, pleasurable sense.  passions are there to serve ME, right?  wrong.  

for me, this means that even though my passions may be less than fulfilled right now, that there's still a lot of good work to be done.  my purpose is fulfilled in the day to day and even the mundane at times.  I fulfill that passion when I identify the needs of those around me and seek to use whatever resources I have to help.  it's found in seeing joy in the midst of whatever life throws at me and setting my hands to serve. 

I ran across this old blog post from January 2010.  it so well summarizes the passions that were being fulfilled at the time by encountering suffering and needs.  it's also a huge inspiration to continue to dig deep with others and find ways to serve those around me, whoever they may be.    

"trimming the kudzu" 

so, for those of you who don't know, i work at a non-profit crisis pregnancy center. we see many clients who are facing a crisis or unplanned pregnancy. through my work here, i have come face to face with the HUGE need for the issue of female sexuality to be addressed in our culture. 

it takes the shape of a 19 year old girl who came to me for STD information. she had felt out of place in her friend group b/c she was the only one who had not had sex. now, she has contracted a STD. 

it takes the form of the 17 year old girl who professed to a relationship with God, but realized she had searched for love by giving herself sexually to several guys. 

it's the girl who has already had 2 abortions by age 16 and is facing yet another pregnancy. yet, she has no job, no life skills, and no steady boyfriend to support her. 

these are just a few of the real-life stories that i have come across in the past few months, and this only scratches the surface. women all over america are faced with issues of sexuality from as young as elementary school. what can be done to help address this issue? 

recently, i re-read "reviving ophelia" by mary pipher. it's a book that discusses the influences on adolescent females and the changes that take place as they leave childhood behind. although, it's a little outdated (written in the 90's), i couldn't help but come to recognize some of the greater issues plaguing our women today--the loss of "true self" in an effort to fit in, the issues of sexuality, the role that culture and the media play, the influences of peer group...and the list goes on. when i look at our work at the pregnancy center i can only believe that we are merely conducting damage control. although we are able to help a client through a crisis situation, we aren't equipping them to combat all of these influences. we are merely "triage." and although this is the role we are called to play, i can't help but wonder if there's something that can be done to address some of the larger causes. 

i feel like we're merely cutting the leaves off of a kudzu of culture in our attempt to keep the parasitic plant from spreading. 

yet, when i become overwhelmed at all of the horrible messages that are being sent to women today...when i can't seem to figure out a way to even begin addressing all of the issues, i am reminded of the power of prayer. in my 45 minutes spent with a client, i can only hope to share some truth and empower her to make better choices, yet God is able to do take my efforts and multiply them. He is bigger than all of the issues. His power is greater than the influences. And He is not bound by culture's restrictions. the only way the kudzu will be tamed is through His strength--God's holy fire clearing the path. He has called you and me to be a part of that process--to speak truth into a broken world, to bind the wounds of the damaged, and to be the "triage" and hands of healing as long as we are able. 

when i am consumed by contempt for our loss of values or overwhelmed by the excessive grasp of our culture, i am reminded of His power...and I am grateful that i serve a God that is "able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than i can ever ask or imagine."