lessons from Tolkien

ever feel like you're behind in life?  recently, i've been reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  if you haven't done any background reading on J.R.R Tolkien, he seems like a remarkable guy.  he was orphaned by age 12 and still managed to graduate from Oxford with honors.  he became a professor, husband, and father of 4 children.  on top of all that, he managed to write some incredible books, poetry...and LANGUAGES (did i mention that he made up languages??).

looking at a life like his, i can't help but feel that mine is so....small.  sure, i go to work and contribute to society.  i have wonderful family and friends that i connect with.   but what am i actually doing with the time that i have been given?  i'm definitely not sitting around writing trilogies or making up elvish languages (not that i should be...b/c i would do an awful job at that!).

all that to say, i recognize that i could make more meaningful choices with my time.  the people that we think of as the great contributors to culture--musicians, artists, activists, politicians, and religious leaders, didn't just sit around and wait for opportunity to come knocking on their door.  they went out and DID something.  they practiced, they wrote, they studied.  they engaged in the activities that gave them passion and drive.   they knocked on doors, worked late hours, and spread the word about what they were doing.  they offered up what they had.

so, how do i follow in their footsteps?  well, it starts with movement--making changes, getting creative, and doing SOMETHING.  although i don't plan on writing any fantasy novels anytime soon or developing a foreign language for a people group that doesn't exist (sorry if you believe otherwise), i can definitely still create something that will leave an impact.

time is a tickin', so i best get crackin'....

Paul in my Pocket

tonight i was preparing for a Bible study on the first chapter of the book of Galatians.  i must admit that i've never done an in-depth study on Galatians before.  sure, i've read the book, but i've never really DUG IN.  so, tonight (procrastination) i started looking at the historical context and commentaries on the first chapter.  (side note, if anyone has any thoughts on the first chapter of Galatians feel free to pass them along before tomorrow night at 7:30 pm. :))

all that to say, i was really struck by one thought.  Paul wrote this book with the intent of rebuking the Galatians for getting swept away in false doctrine.  certain people had infiltrated their ranks and began teaching that in order to become a Christian they needed to be circumcised and follow all the tenants of Judaism.  unfortunately, the Galatians actually believed this teaching and were getting caught up in feeling the need to adhere to Mosaic law.   Paul came at this topic passionately and began encouraging the Galatians to get back to the true Gospel--the Gospel of grace that comes through the sacrificial atonement of Christ for our sins.

i read the first chapter feeling convicted.  i wasn't convicted that i had attempted to follow all Jewish customs (although i typically don't eat food sacrificed to idols).  i wasn't even convicted that i have adhered to false doctrines (although that has definitely happened in my past...i can tell you the story later...).  instead, i was convicted over the simple fact that i am not Paul.

in my mind, this galatian false doctrine wasn't a good thing, but it wasn't like some of the other doctrines you see churches believing in the new testament.  the galatians weren't engaging in fornication or getting drunk at the Lord's Supper. so, it didn't seem like this doctrine was "bad" in itself.  people were trying to "do the right thing."  however, Paul didn't become engaged in this argument of good vs bad...he saw the lie for exactly what it was--a method to keep people from a true relationship with Christ.  he saw this church getting led astray and stepped in to intervene.

the question i have to ask is, "would i do the same thing?"  sure, i get angry at a lot of misperceptions in the world.  i even get my feathers ruffled at false doctrines in the Church.  i hate it when believers go around believing lies about themselves, God, and the Gospel.  BUT would i SAY anything about them?  would i first identify the doctrine for what it is, then would i even call out the lie/false teaching/skewed Gospel?  would i be so passionate about it that i couldn't help but say something?  would i have the hutzpah to actually stand up?  i would hope so.  yet, have i ever done it before?  all i can do is shamefully shake my head...and hope and pray that something changes. so that, perhaps, when push comes to shove, and the time comes when it's needed, i can have the strength to be a little more "Paul-like."

random thoughts of the day...

maybe it's because i'm an official "adult" now.  maybe it's because i've been reading Lord of the Rings.  maybe it's because it keeps popping up here and there.  or maybe it's simply indigestion.

maybe it's none or all of the above.

seems like the concept of desires and dreams, and refusing to settle for the status quo keeps coming up.   perhaps, it's as a result of having more of a routine life.  9-5, Monday through Friday.  2 weeks vacation.  the typical American.

maybe it's because i read "Radical" by David Platt.  (that book will mess you up.)

9-5 isn't bad.  don't get me wrong.  it's nice to have structure.   it's when the structure becomes the end-all, be-all that things go awry.

the question is, do i still get the "itch?"  do i still want to step outside of my home at Bag End?  do i sense that there's something "more" out there?

i am a contributor to a larger-functioning kingdom.  this kingdom is wild and ever-changing.  is my contribution for the advancement of this fiery force?  or am i dampening its effects?

i fight the urge to grow complacent and go through the motions.  if, for a moment (or several 1,000 moments), i allow myself to indulge in this, i realize that it's not really all that satisfying.  there's still a nagging feeling i can't quite get rid of.  (thank goodness.) i hope that feeling never goes away.  if it does, i am to be pitied, for i have lost my way.

i pray that you get that "itch" too.  although it can be uncomfortable and very inconvenient at times, it's what keeps us MOVING.  it may require sacrifice (actually, if it's a deep down itch, it probably will), but what's there to gain otherwise?  so, relish in the feeling and don't ignore it.  if you neglect it long enough, it may eventually disappear.  who knows, it may even take a piece of you with it...

so, while there's time, let's open the door and step outside.  let's be willing to participate in the journey ahead of us.  as Tolkien penned in the Fellowship of the Ring:
"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." 

may we be swept into places where light penetrates darkness,  chains that once bound are broken, and lives one enslaved are renewed and set free.  here we go...

striking the ground

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated!  This summer has gotten away from me.  I must admit that I am in mourning about the whole thing...I am already dreading the cold winter that will lie ahead.  However, until then, there are plenty of 90 degree days full of cookouts, festivals, and fun times ahead!

On to my blog post...

Recently, I have been reading in 2 Kings.  Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot that has really jumped off the page at me.  At times while I'm reading all the kings start to run together a bit.  However, at other times, there have been very clear moments where I've connected with a story and took it to heart.  What I am about to share is just one of them.  Reading through Israel's struggles and the biographies of her kings is a clear reminder that we're all human and wrestle with sin.  We face many of the same issues that they did during that time.  If you want some nice entertainment, replace the names of the characters in 2 Kings with Italian mobsters. It reads just like a scene from Godfather...

Well, on to my story, right??  I was reading in 2 Kings 13 about Joash, King of Israel.  Now, Joash was an evil king and led Israel astray (as most of them seemingly were).   He came to a point in his reign were he felt he was on the verge of defeat.  So, doing what most people do when they think they're about to die, he cried out to God.  He went to the prophet Elisha and sought help.  Elisha told him to take a bow and arrow and shoot it out the window.  (Kind of strange, but people have been asked to do weirder things in the Bible...read Jeremiah, for one.)  The direction he shot was towards his enemy, symbolizing that he would defeat them.  Then, Elisha asked him to take the remaining arrows and strike the ground.  Joash responded and struck the ground 3 times.  Then, something rather odd happens.  Rather than responding positively to Joash, Elisha responds in anger.  He tells Joash that he will only defeat his enemy 3 times.  Elisha tells him that he should have struck the ground 5 or 6 times b/c then he would have completely defeated them.  Instead, Joash has to settle with a minor victory and recognize that his enemy will eventually renew his stronghold against Israel.

This story has always struck me.  Maybe because I'm a rule-follower.  I tried to put myself in Joash's shoes.  Elisha, this man of God in a position of authority tells me to strike the ground.  I strike it...maybe even only once.  "Hey, I'm just doing what I'm told." I've never been one to get really wrapped up in the moment and go overboard.  I can't imagine myself striking and striking and striking til the arrows break or I'm exhausted.  So, I respond quietly to Elisha's request, merely striking the ground a time or two.  But then I find out that it's not really "following the rules after all."  There's a hidden agenda here...God wants to see fervor.  Passion.  Zeal. A little "over the top-ness."  I'm in trouble...

On the other hand, unlike me, Joash was NOT a rule-follower.  He did his own thing and didn't obey the voice of God.  Sure, he was living "outside the box," but doing so in a way that was unhealthy and destructive to his people.  He pursued his own pleasure and led everyone else along his path of destruction with him.  What would it have taken for him to exhibit a little abandon when he came to seek God?  I'm sure it was not his comfort zone.  Sure, he had abandon in other areas of his life, but not when it came to his relationship with God.  So, when it came time to strike the ground, he picked the safe number:  3.  Not too much.  Not too little.  But then he found out, that it wasn't quite right...

So, what does that mean for me?  Abandon, in the proper respect is not only healthy, but expected.    Living with fervor and zest is beneficial...and it not only has implications for my own life, but will ultimately affect those around me.  So, when God leads me in a certain direction or asks me to do something for His kingdom (even something as simple as striking the ground),  I pray that I can dive in wholeheartedly.   May I not stop with simple obedience.  May I not choose the "safe" answer.  May I respond with enthusiasm and passion as I recognize that my small act may have a much larger impact.  Here goes to striking...

^"6Having gifts (faculties, talents, qualities) that differ according to the grace given us, let us use them: [He whose gift is] prophecy, [let him prophesy] according to the proportion of his faith;

    ⁷[He whose gift is] practical service, let him give himself to serving; he who teaches, to his teaching;

    ⁸He who exhorts (encourages), to his exhortation; he who contributes, let him do it in simplicity and liberality; he who gives aid and superintends, with zeal and singleness of mind; he who does acts of mercy, with genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness."  Romans 12: 6-8 (Amplified Bible) 

natural vs healthy

My supervisor adopted a little boy from Haiti a little over a year ago.  His story is such a miracle.  I can't imagine the joy she must feel to have him at home with her after a very long, drawn-out adoption process.  Last month, however, they found themselves in a situation that no one expected.

In every parent's nightmare, they have probably dreamed up this scenario.  A very young, inquisitive boy reaches into a drawer in the kitchen.  Before anyone knew what was going on, he grabs the scissors.  Somehow in the short few seconds, there was an accident where the scissors punctured his face and eye.  By the time anyone could catch anything, there was blood everywhere and the little guy was laying on the ground.  

At the hospital, they hear really awful news--the scissors affected his retina and his eye leaked a lot of fluid.  There is a chance for blindness in the eye with the retina attempting to detach.  Surgery is performed to "weigh" the retina down and keep it from trying to remove itself.  Also, they are informed that the other eye may begin to become "sympathetic" and attempt to lose vision as well.   Nothing for certain will be known for several days.  And so begins the waiting period...

After lots of prayer, doctors visits, time spent at the hospital, tons of medication and eye drops, double-casts on both arms, extremely limited movement, and a few surgeries...he is doing wonderfully.  He now wears glasses and has a very tiny scar on his cheek.  Otherwise, the doctors are in amazement that his retina has held in place and his vision is just fine.  He can now return to being a little boy again.  

However, thinking about all of this as it was going on, there was something that struck me...  

I'm totally not a doctor and know very little about the medical field (blood makes me squeamish), but it seems soooo weird to me that the retina had to be forced NOT to detach.  Our bodies are created with such natural healing qualities.  If we burn our tongues and lose a few taste buds, soon enough we'll have new ones to replace them.  If we get a sunburn and our skin begins to peel, the new layer will be exposed and our skin will heal.  If we get an illness, the agents in our body do their best to fight it off and return us back to normal.  Yet, in this situation, the body seemed to be the enemy--the one rebelling against the healing process.  

The doctor had to go in and physically keep the retina from responding in a way that was not most helpful to the eye.  On the other hand, the retina was just doing what it was made to do.  When there was stress/injury/destruction, it will respond by detaching.  

As a person with a background in counseling, I realized that we as humans, do this ALL THE TIME. We respond in ways that are "natural" to us, but aren't always the most "beneficial."  For example, personally, when I feel threatened or attacked in a conflict, I will respond just like the retina--I detach.  However, that isn't always the most appropriate or helpful response.  For healthy conflict to occur, you have to engage and see it through to the end.  Ultimately, that is how you can learn and grow from the process.  

We see this happen all around us.  Push comes to shove.  We're placed in awkward situations.  We find ourselves uncomfortable, in pain, or injured.  What do we do?  We respond out of our natural inclinations.  We put walls up.  We back off.  Or we push away.  The list goes on. There are so many ways in which we initially feel compelled to act.  Yet, we have to ask, "is this what is most healthy in the long run?"  It may feel like the right thing to do for the moment, but ultimately, just like the retina, will we be losing something?  

Fortunately, in my boss' situation, her little boy is doing wonderfully.  God answered a lot of prayers and the intervention has worked.  How about for us?  What will keep us from hitting those "blind spots" and responding in the ways that we have always done?  Will we recognize that "natural" isn't always most "healthy?"  

Will we choose to do something different?

reflections on lent

So, I realized I never actually finalized my thoughts on my whole "Lent" running experience.  If I didn't give a re-cap and share what I learned through it all, I feel like it would be anti-climactic.  Therefore, here are my concluding thoughts...

-We always under-estimate what we are truly capable of.  If you were to tell me at the beginning of my 40 days that I would be able to run 5 miles by the time it was all said and done, I would have never believed you.  However, that is exactly what happened.  I have seen this process occur time and time again in my life.  From writing excessively long research papers to moving to a new city and starting over again to running a full marathon, I have found myself taking actions I didn't believe I would ever possibly be able to do.  Thanks be to God for His strength to carry through the tough times of discipline and perseverance!

-You HAVE to push through sometimes.  The initial energy you feel at the onset of a big undertaking will often wane.  You can't let yourself get bogged down in the lack of "feeling" or motivation.  You absolutely have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I think this comes in to play often in our spiritual walks.  Especially in our generation, there is such a disdain for "going through the motions."  We want to be motivated by feeling, not obligation.  Yet, there are times when we simply have to press forward.  In the life of a Christian, there is a need for discipline and regularity because it forces us to continue to move, even when we don't "feel" like it.

-We need to create more "space" in our lives.  Running was a time that allowed me to get away.  I could think, pray, or just zone out.  I listened to music, noticed my surroundings, and could spend time with God.  It wasn't always this spiritual emphasis, but there was availability for it to happen.  We too often clutter our lives with the material--work, friends, family, and the busyness of life--that we don't leave space for anything else.  We need time to get away from the demands of life and just "be."

Overall, I had a very positive Lenten experience this year.  It's always nice to place ourselves outside of the usual routine and allow things to get changed up in our lives.  Although I would never say that my running experiment was anything symbolic or parallel to Christ's sacrifice in His last 40 days on earth, it definitely was a beneficial instrument in my walk with Him.  And as Easter reminds us, it's definitely not over yet!  "He who began a good work" in my life is continuing to develop me. So, let the journey continue...

to be known...

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  1 Corinthians 13:11-12


Recently, I was out for a walk and this passage came to mind.  "Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  How amazing will it be to be FULLY known?  I can't even imagine how wonderful (and utterly scary) it will be to be known for who I truly am.  There's such freedom in knowing that God loves me as I am, and that one day when I stand before Him, clothed in the righteousness of Christ, I will be fully known.  


Yet, this time, the passage hit me from a different perspective.  As amazing as it will be to be "known," how much more incredible will it be for us to fully know God?  Right now, I can only know Him as much as my tiny little brain can hold and as much as the Holy Spirit reveals to me in my finite heart.  How much does God also desire for himself to be fully known by us? 


I thought about any other relationship we may have on this earth.  Usually, relationships begin to grow and develop as people learn more about each other. Typically, one person does not hold all the knowledge about the other (that would be called "stalking").  Instead, as each person grows in their insight about the other person, the relationship gets closer.  (Unless you learn more and begin to totally dislike what you are finding out!)  We all hope that as this relationship develops, it will get stronger when the other person learns more about what makes us tick, how we operate, the things we enjoy, our hopes, desires and dreams.  It's a cry of the human heart to be known and loved for who you really are.  


Also, in our relationship with God the same could be said.  Although He knows EVERYTHING about us, we can only fathom a small amount of the entirety of who He is while we are here on this earth.  Does He not desire to be known by us as well?  Not only known as much as our pea-sized minds can hold but REALLY known. One day, we will get the opportunity to stand before Him in all of His splendor and experience just that.  And as amazing that it will be to be fully known for who we are...how much more incredible will it be to know God for who HE truly is? 


"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face..."

perfectionist? me? never...

So, this week my running lesson has been "perfectionism."  For those of you who know me, this will probably not come as a surprise.  It was bound to happen at some point in this experience.  Here's how it all started...

One day this week I decided to work on my running speed.  To give you some background here, I have NEVER been a speed runner.  These short legs don't have much to offer in that arena!  My strength in running always came from my consistency and perseverance.  I could build myself up to longer distances over a period of time by plugging away at a slow and steady pace. I typically run a 10 minute mile without fail and really have no qualms about it.  Well, this past summer, I decided to see if I could change that.  So, I started timing myself on shorter distances, challenging myself to increase my speed each time.  My overall goal was to hit an 8:30 mile.  And eventually, I made it.  It was a fun experiment.

Well, over the course of this lenton experience, I have monitored my speed from time to time as well.  There have been a few times I've ran my 2 mile stints, gauging my minutes per mile each way.  This week, I wanted to push myself and see how fast I could really go.  Well, first mile out:  9 minutes.  :(  I was a bit disappointed, so I put some more elbow grease into it (or would it be knee grease?) and squeezed out an 8:45 on the way back.  Many people would have been excited, even elated, that a month into getting back into running I was able to almost make the same time goal I had when I had been running all summer. However, with me being the perfectionist that I am, that was not the case.  Instead, all I could think about was that I was capable of running 8:30.  All I needed to do was shave off 15 seconds! 15 teeny tiny seconds kept me from where I wanted to be.  Fortunately, I didn't let myself sit in this frustration for very long.  I encouraged myself with the facts that I hadn't been running all winter and that 8:45 is a very respectable speed given my situation.  In the end, I felt ok about my time.  Yet, my initial response told me a lot about how I had perceived the situation deep down.

Those 15 seconds can really get us.  Whether it's running, or weight loss, or our career, or grad school, or even our spiritual walks, we can get hung up on those moments where we don't quite meet up to our own expectations.  Maybe we don't even realize our expectations are there...until we fail to reconcile them.  Then, that's all we can think about.  We can't get that little measurement out of our heads.  We tell ourselves: "But I'm capable of so much more..." "I can't believe I let that happen..."  "If I had only studied more, prepared more, prayed more, etc."  It's in those moments we come to the cross-roads.  Will we extend ourselves a little grace, get back up on our feet and try again?  Or will we allow the frustration and self-pity/doubt to keep us stuck? For me, I'm hitting the pavement again.  In the end, I may not do much better than 8:45, but on the other hand, who knows?  And I won't ever find out unless I keep trying...

keeping the pavement hot

"weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart.

weep little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start." --mumford and sons

one thing that i've learned through this running experiment is that it's not always easy. (duh, right?) this past week was one such example of that. it seemed like it took everything within me to force myself to get out there and run. then, when i did hit the pavement, i could barely scratch out a mile and a half. it seemed so strange to me that just a week before, i was easily running 3-4 miles. if i had listened to my body and my willpower, i would have just thrown in the towel right then and there. fortunately for me, i committed to finishing this thing out and i kept on moving forward. by the beginning of this week i was able to get back up to 3 miles at a regular pace.

all that to say, unfortunately, i see the same thing happening all around me within the context of the "spiritual race" we're all a part of. i have seen people start out strong and then later on, come to the point where they struggle to put one foot in front of the other (i have experienced this myself as well). at this crucial period is where there's a crossroads--the question is asked: "will you continue to press on through the difficult times or will you throw in the towel altogether?" too many of us give up.

i have seen strong Christian friends come to a point in their lives where they find themselves in a struggle--maybe it's a certain sin they keep tripping up on, or maybe their life circumstances became rather difficult. either way, they feel like the situation they are in was too uncomfortable to keep pressing through. perhaps they could only force out a small amount of (fill in the blank) what they used to be able to do, and as a result, they began to believe that's all they are capable of anymore. so, they stopped challenging themselves, and lowered their standards--after all, that's all they have been managing these days, so that must be what things have come to. and they resign themselves to the lifestyle they have been living or the circumstances they find themselves in. this is a sad state to be in. weren't we called for so much more?

should we lament over what "could have been" or should we take a risk and start hitting the pavement again? i suggest we do the latter. i'm not saying it's going to be easy--b/c it won't. i'm not saying that every day you'll feel like running, b/c you definitely won't. but in the end, won't it be rewarding that at least you gave it a shot? and the fortunate thing about it all, is that we don't go at it alone. we have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of us, helping us continue to put one foot in front of the other--both on the days we knock out 4 miles and the days we struggle to scratch out 1. so, let's hit the pavement...

oh the many factors...

recently, i have been experiencing how many different factors play into running. if one teeny tiny little thing is off it can throw the whole experience. one day, i will be running along, the wind at my back, feeling good. on those days i feel like i can go for miles and miles. however, the next time i set out to run may be a completely different experience. maybe i didn't drink enough water or the weather is a little chilly. or perhaps i didn't prepare myself mentally for the distance and my heart's just not in it. on those days i STRUGGLE.

i think about how this relates to my "run" or walk with God. when everything's in place and all the factors line up, my pace is fantastic. i feel like i could go the distance. however, there are times when it's not so easy. maybe i'm dealing with a tough situation in my life or perhaps i haven't gotten enough sleep. maybe it's just simply that i'm not in the right mindset mentally. all the same...i STRUGGLE.

this has been an encouragement to me to keep on pressing ahead. some days i will find it difficult to knock out a mile or two. when those days come (and they will) it's important for me not to get discouraged and give up. the next time i head out may be quite a different experience and what i do in preparation now will help put me in the right place when that time comes.

so, as i look now at lent and the importance of the discipline of running, i am reminded of the value in spiritual disciplines as well. even things as small as getting enough sleep and starting my day off with a positive attitude can have an impact on my relationship with God. reading my Bible, spending time in prayer and having time of fellowship/study with other believers also play an important role in my "training." therefore, as i go forward may i not get discouraged by my lack of "performance" in these areas, but keep pressing on day by day b/c you never know what the next run may hold....

i was running...

Recently, I was speaking to a woman at work about Lent. She challenged my thinking about the traditional observation of "giving something up." She told me that instead of taking something out of her life, she usually she likes to to add something to her life instead (i.e. more time in Bible reading or prayer). That left me with something to think about, wondering what approach, if any, I should take this year. To subtract or add? Or do nothing at all??

Well, I went for a run later that week and had a really cool experience. While I was out on this run, I had an epiphany, what some may call a spiritual insight. Then, later that week I went running again. Unbelievably, the same thing happened. So, as I was thinking about Lent, it made sense to choose to "add" this year instead of "subtract," and running was evidently my activity. Adding the practice of running just seemed to fit. It allows me time and space for discipline, quiet, and opportunities for me to hear the voice of God. Therefore, I have committed to adding in regular times of running to my week during these next 40 days. And during that process, I would love to share with you the observations I have along the way. I'll start with my first observation...

...

MUD. It's never our favorite thing (unless you are a mud-wrestler by trade or those who claim to be professional observers of this activity). It messes things up. Creates stains. Gets you dirty. Bogs you down. And it's exactly what I encountered on my run.

I was running along the sidewalks down the road from my house. It was a casual 2 mile run, one of the first back since the winter. As I was cruising along I noticed a port-a-potty in front of one of the houses. That should have been my first red light: CONSTRUCTION. Instead of sidetracking or changing routes, I trucked along, holding my breath, of course. Shortly after, I notice that there is indeed construction going on and as a result, there is a layer of mud covering the sidewalk. Upon first glance, it seems as if the mud is not much of an obstacle--just a thin coating on the otherwise dry surface. Mistake #2. (I should have been getting a clue at this point!) Instead, I proceed along in my oblivion, only to discover that as I run, I am getting deeper and deeper in mud. Oops. Not quite what I thought I was getting myself into. This little thin layer is actually a bit more substantial than I hoped and by the time I reach the middle, I have mud covering my lovely white running shoes. Fortunately, I slow down a little so that it is not also covering my entire backside. ;) Although I was a bit dirtier, I made it through that stretch and kept putting one foot in front of the other. As I went along in my frustrations (I could have easily diverted my trek to the road instead, or the grass at minimal) a thought came to mind. "That's what sin's like." What? "That mud is what sin is like." Hmm. I just stepped into sin? I thought it was something so small and easy to get through.

I was wrong.

The same thing happens to us in life. Sin is deceptive. It's not easily managed. It's actually not managed AT ALL. You can start out thinking it's oh-so-small and end up with it ruining all that's nice and clean. It may seem like it's only just a small layer. Yet, you don't discover that it's ankle deep until you've already stepped in. Before you know it, it's not satisfied with stopping there.

So, as small of an insight as it may seem, it gave me such a meaningful picture of the power of sin. And, it caused me to think twice about any running route that includes a port-a-potty and MUD.

woe be John?

Recently, I was heading to the gym and realized I didn't have a book to take with me. (I like to read while I'm hitting the cardio...keeps me from getting bored!) So, I grabbed one of my old reads, "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin McManus. This is a book that my Sunday School teacher, Hugh Hale, recommended several years ago. It's a short read (about 140 pages) and I'd definitely recommend it if you haven't checked it out.

All that to say, the section I read that night had an excerpt that seems to have stuck with me ever since. It's from the story of the life of John the Baptist. It's one of those times that a very familiar story suddenly takes on a different twist. Allow me to let you in on the developments...

John the Baptist is a very popularly known Bible figure. He's the crazy guy in the wilderness who wears camel skins and eats locusts with honey who's going around dunking everyone and telling them to "repent." He's a very important person within the story of Christ in the sense that his life was foretold by prophesy and he was described as the "forerunner" who would prepare the way for Christ's coming. (some big shoes to fill, I'd say!)

John also had some really neat interactions with Jesus. We see their first encounter from the womb when his mother Elizabeth feels John jump in eutero as a pregnant Mary walks into the room. Then, later in his ministry, John is given the privelege of baptizing Jesus. At this encounter, he sees the heavens open up and God declaring "This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased." So, if anyone has "certainty" in their faith in who Christ is, I would say it's John. From the very beginning, the Holy Spirit seemed to be resonating with John, affirming to Him that "yes, this truly is the Christ of God."

However, despite all of this, there's a story at the end of John's life that is a little disturbing. Due to a series of events, John finds himself in prison at the hands of Herod. It's then that his disciples approach Jesus and ask, "Are You the One who is to come, or should we expect someone else?" (Matthew 11:3) This is a hard story to grapple with at times. Here is John, the same one who faithfully declared to crowds of people how sure he was of the divinity of Jesus, now wrestling with doubt. I wondered what went wrong.

Erwin McManus had a few interesting thoughts to share.

"John was living between prison and platter when he sent this message to Jesus. Shouldn't he expect Jesus to drop everything and come to his aid? After all, he had always been there for Jesus. Where was He when John needed Him? Was He unaware that John needed help? Was He indifferent to John's dilemma? Or was He simply not the Messiah as John had always believed?"

Jesus' response may be even more perplexing. He told John's disciples to go back and report what they heard and saw: "the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." (Matthew 11:4-6)

Jesus lists off all the things that have been happening: blind seeing, lame walking, etc. All of these things John is well aware of. Perhaps, this is the source of his issues to begin with. John KNOWS what Christ is capable of, but he is not seeing it happen in his own circumstances right now.

So, perhaps John's question to Jesus came as a result of unmet expectations. John had seen and heard all of all the miracles He was able to perform. He had even seen heaven itself open up and the Spirit of God descend upon Christ before John's very eyes. Why at this point would he not believe? Because it was personal. It was not about Christ's power or the abilities He possessed. It wasn't about the evidence. It was about Him and John.

John was in prison and alone, facing his own execution. It would be easy to hope that Jesus would come through for him and rescue him in this time of need. After all, wasn't He capable of that and so much more? Instead, John gets nothing as much as even a visit from Christ (that we are aware of). Wouldn't that cause a person to question?

Christ's answer gives us the response John needs...as well as the response that those of us in John's situation can be encouraged by thousands of years later. "Bessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me."

"Jesus was saying to him, 'John, I'm not coming through for you. I'm not getting you out of prison. I'm not sparing your life. Yes, I have done all this and more for others, but the path I chose for you is different from theirs. You'll be blessed, John, if this does not cause you to fall away.'"

There are times when are expectations may not be met. Perhaps we didn't see God come through in the way we had hoped. Maybe we face our own "prisons" sometimes when we feel incarcerated and alone. Although it's difficult, in those times we have to trust that we are fulfilling God's purpose for our lives despite our tough circumstances. Perhaps we're seeing the hand of God everywhere but within our own lives. Others are blessed and we are struggling. During these times, may we learn from John and recognize that we each are given different paths to take within the kingdom of God. And when we are faced with that prison and immenent danger, may we heed the words of Christ, not falling away on account of Him.

flannel board stories

So, I decided to look back through my old blogs and re-post a previous note I had written on MySpace. (Yes, that tells you how old it is!) I was encouraged by it today and I hope you are too.

12/23/06
you know those bible stories some of us learned about when we were a kid-- the ones about Jesus raising Lazarus, or healing the woman with the issue of blood, or putting mud on the blind guy's eyes to restore his sight? well, i used to think they were great stories and all, but i had a hard time relating. i mean, i had never had leoprosy (and wasn't planning on contracting it), never been blind or lame (well, it depends on what definition you use for that one), and never had to have my friends carry me around on a mat (unless it was for recreational use). so, needless to say, i didn't quite grasp the stories for all they are worth. after all, things have changed over the past couple thousand years. now, we don't lay around at the healing pool to get well and we don't go seeking out local prophets to touch us. however, does that mean that i cannot relate to these stories? do they not pertain just as much to me now as they did to those people 2 thousand years ago? how am i any different than the blind, mute, lame, and deaf that were healed by the touch of Christ? for you see, i have my own infirmities in my life, as we all do....we are all bound by things at one point or another. there are times when we are blind--when our perspective is skewed, or we just can't see things clearly. other times, we are mute--we have lost our voice, or can't find the words to speak. we are lame--bound to our mat, paralyzed by fear, shame, or guilt that keeps us immobile. we are deaf--seemingly unable to hear the voice of God or others despite our efforts to listen. so, no matter how circumstances are different, no matter how much time has passed since then and now...i am that person--the man with the shriveled hand--his disability keeping him from doing all the things he would like to do, the woman with the issue of blood--desperately reaching out to the only One she knows has the ability to heal her, the paralzyed man on the mat--relying upon his friends to bring Him to Jesus when he can't carry himself. i can find myself in the midst of these people, their issues, their circumstances, and yes, even their infirmities. and just as Christ looked at them with compassion, reached down and spoke to them, so He does to each of us: "get up, take your mat and go home." (matt. 8:6)..."take heart daughter, your faith has healed you"(matt 8:22)..."I am willing. be clean!"( matt. 8: 3)..."be opened!" (mark 7: 34)..."according to your faith, will it be done to you" (matt 9:29)

so i guess those flannel board stories will never be quite the same again.

chastened

In a recent trip to the library, I ran across this book called "Chastened." Immediately struck by its title, I decided to pick it up. (It probably also doesn't help that I work at a crisis pregnancy center and am thereby automatically interested in the topic.)

Well, come to find out, this is a very interesting story. The author, disenfranchised with casual sex, decided to remain abstinent for a year. As the subtitle explains, this book is the "story of (her) year without sex."

Anderson, a young non-Christian Englishwoman, began to realize that her relationships were unfulfilling. She was nearing her 30th birthday and the last man who told her that he loved her was her college sweetheart, who was her "first." Since then, her relationships have left her feeling as if something was lacking. So, in an effort to reclaim intimacy, she took out what some may feel is the most intimate act of all--sex.

I haven't gotten very far in the book, but so far it has been a good read. I have enjoyed reflecting upon the observations of someone whose decision is far removed from faith or upbringing. She simply was dissatisfied and wanted to make a change. Could it be that our culture would get to a point where more and more people become just as fed up?

Coming from a faith perspective myself, I have always been taught in church that you should save sex for marriage, that it was meant to be between a husband and a wife. I was also taught that the reason for this wasn't just because God didn't want you to experience all the good things life has to offer, but rather that He has a better way for us. His rules are meant to protect and offer us the best way of living. I believe that Anderson may just be proving His point. And maybe, just maybe, others will join her.

all in a year's work

Wow. Who can believe 2010 is actually over? This has been one whirlwind of a year. As I look back on 2010 I can walk away with several observations. Although there have definitely been some positive changes that have taken place in my life over the past 12 months, there have also been some negative ones. I could just brush past them and attribute them to my human nature, or instead I could reflect on them and learn from my mistakes. This blog will be a part of my reflection/learning process...

One of the observations I have made about myself this year is that I have slowly lost some of my compassion. Generally speaking, I am a compassionate person. I enjoy helping people. I mean, I have a degree in counseling. I want to see others excel, grow, and change. However, this year I have noticed that I have lost some of that spark. Instead of looking on the situations of friends or clients with empathy, I sometimes wrestle with an urge to say "Suck it up and deal with it." (No, I am not going to turn into Dr. Phil...let's hope not at least!) Somewhere along the way, little bits of empathy, compassion, and tenderness have vanished. What happened to them? How can I get back my sense of compassion?

Today I was reading "Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning and a few excerpts stood out to me.

"In order to free us for compassion towards others, Jesus calls us to accept
His compassion in our own lives; to become gentle, caring, compassionate, and
forgiving toward ourselves in failure and need.

Compassion for others is not a simple virtue because it avoids snap judgments
of right or wrong, good or bad, hero or villain: It seeks truth in all its
complexity. Genuine compassion means that in empathizing with the failed
plans and uncertain loves of the other person, we send out the vibration, 'Yes,
regamuffin, I understand. I've been there too...'

In a catch-22 situation, the way of gentleness brings healing to ourselves
and gentleness toward ourselves brings healing to others. Solidarity with
ragamuffins frees the one who receives compassion and liberates the one who
gives it in the conscious awareness, 'I am the other.'"

So, as I read this, I can't help but see the paradox Manning is speaking of--"the way of gentleness brings healing to ourselves and gentleness towards ourselves brings healing to others." In order to bestow compassion on others, you must be willing to give it to yourself. You must see yourself for the ragamuffin you truly are--with your propensity towards sin, selfishness, and darkness. When that understanding is gained then you are capable of extending true compassion to others because you understand that you are no better.

I used to say that no matter what horrible situations people were facing or what awful circumstances they found themselves in, I was only a couple of steps away from being exactly where they were. It's only by the grace of God that I am where I am today. And who knows what tomorrow holds...

Therefore, in 2011 I hope to get back to that same mindset. May the Holy Spirit again soften my heart to see the sin and darkness of my own heart so that I may in turn, extend compassion and grace to those around me.