all in a year's work

Wow. Who can believe 2010 is actually over? This has been one whirlwind of a year. As I look back on 2010 I can walk away with several observations. Although there have definitely been some positive changes that have taken place in my life over the past 12 months, there have also been some negative ones. I could just brush past them and attribute them to my human nature, or instead I could reflect on them and learn from my mistakes. This blog will be a part of my reflection/learning process...

One of the observations I have made about myself this year is that I have slowly lost some of my compassion. Generally speaking, I am a compassionate person. I enjoy helping people. I mean, I have a degree in counseling. I want to see others excel, grow, and change. However, this year I have noticed that I have lost some of that spark. Instead of looking on the situations of friends or clients with empathy, I sometimes wrestle with an urge to say "Suck it up and deal with it." (No, I am not going to turn into Dr. Phil...let's hope not at least!) Somewhere along the way, little bits of empathy, compassion, and tenderness have vanished. What happened to them? How can I get back my sense of compassion?

Today I was reading "Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning and a few excerpts stood out to me.

"In order to free us for compassion towards others, Jesus calls us to accept
His compassion in our own lives; to become gentle, caring, compassionate, and
forgiving toward ourselves in failure and need.

Compassion for others is not a simple virtue because it avoids snap judgments
of right or wrong, good or bad, hero or villain: It seeks truth in all its
complexity. Genuine compassion means that in empathizing with the failed
plans and uncertain loves of the other person, we send out the vibration, 'Yes,
regamuffin, I understand. I've been there too...'

In a catch-22 situation, the way of gentleness brings healing to ourselves
and gentleness toward ourselves brings healing to others. Solidarity with
ragamuffins frees the one who receives compassion and liberates the one who
gives it in the conscious awareness, 'I am the other.'"

So, as I read this, I can't help but see the paradox Manning is speaking of--"the way of gentleness brings healing to ourselves and gentleness towards ourselves brings healing to others." In order to bestow compassion on others, you must be willing to give it to yourself. You must see yourself for the ragamuffin you truly are--with your propensity towards sin, selfishness, and darkness. When that understanding is gained then you are capable of extending true compassion to others because you understand that you are no better.

I used to say that no matter what horrible situations people were facing or what awful circumstances they found themselves in, I was only a couple of steps away from being exactly where they were. It's only by the grace of God that I am where I am today. And who knows what tomorrow holds...

Therefore, in 2011 I hope to get back to that same mindset. May the Holy Spirit again soften my heart to see the sin and darkness of my own heart so that I may in turn, extend compassion and grace to those around me.