what to do with all these questions...

Recently I was traveling back from overseas.  I had a layover in the Miami airport and decided to grab some lunch.  As I was standing in line waiting to order my food, I overheard a conversation going on behind me (yes, I was that creepy eavesdropper).  A guy asked his friend a question. It seemed like he had some sort of developmental issue, based on the sound of his voice.  He wondered if his friend would like to partake in their recent comforts now that they were back in the States.  He asked if he would get on the computer and use the internet.  His friend responded that he didn't need to get online and that he could just wait until they got back home.  The first guy thought this was odd and encouraged his friend to reconsider by saying, "You don't want to get on the internet? You know, Wiki something?? There are so many unanswered questions out there....I have forgotten them all."  

I remember standing there, letting his response wash over me.  Here's this guy who many people would completely disregard as soon as he opened his mouth.  Perhaps people would assume that "he's not all there" or that he doesn't have as much to contribute as the next guy.  Yet, here he is, saying the most profound statement I had heard in a long time.  Yes.  There are TONS of unanswered questions out there (many of which we can find with a click of a button--thanks, Wikipedia).  And yet, we can become overwhelmed by the enormity of them all.  We choose to forget them, to tuck them away in the back of our minds, as a matter of survival.  We don't like to live in the tension of the unanswerable.  

I was recently listening to a podcast of This American Life called "Self-Improvement Kick."  In this episode, they follow the story of a guy who was unable to put these thoughts away.  His questions consumed him and drove him to drastic measures.  He reached a point in his life where he wrestled so much with the unknowns of life that he put his career on hold to go in search of answers.  He visited the holy land, talked to shamans, fasted...nothing worked.  Eventually, he decided to sell everything he owned and walk across country on a "pilgrimage," of sorts. He followed in the footsteps of a lady named "Peace Pilgrim." He would rely on the kindness of others for every amount of food or shelter he received.  He would simply meet people along the way and allow God to provide for all of his necessities.  Needless to say, he only made it 40 miles.  After 3 days, cold and tired, he saw a billboard on the side of the road.  It simply said, "It's ok to make mistakes as long as they are new ones."  That's when he realized he had made a mistake going on this "journey."  He decided to throw in the towel and call for help.  Through the generosity of his friends and family, he was able to stay at a hotel that night.  Here's how the episode summarizes that final step of his pilgrimage: 

"'Probably the culminating moment in all of this was probably sitting in that bathtub (in the hotel) and just being so exhausted that I just didn't care anymore if I had the answer. It just wasn't important.'

He'd been on this journey, most of it alone and suffering, and trying to figure out the meaning of life...And three days in the cold made him realize he was doing this to himself. He was making himself suffer.  And he could stop.  Which landed him in the same messy place so many of us are in, not having any answers.  So we just ignore the questions and get on with our lives."  

Here's the lesson the Peace Pilgrim  learned in all of this:  There are so many unanswered questions out there.  You just have to forget them all.

Yet, how is this a true ending to the journey?  To resign yourself to a life of ignoring, stifling, and stuffing seems monotonous and hardly sustainable.  Won't the questions pop up again at some point?  Maybe you lose a loved one.  You get cancer.  You go to a wedding.  You watch a sunset.  Soon, there are cracks in life where the questions will begin to bleed through.

And aren't the questions there for a reason?  (That's a question about a question, isn't it?? Wait...that makes my head hurt.)  I mean, the fact that we have questions at all is something to revel in.  There's something magical and purposeful about "searching."  You recognize that it doesn't all end with us.  We aren't all there is.  We aren't the "cheese."  And neither is this world.  There's something more.  Something bigger.

So, although we never find the answers to all the questions, we MUST continue to search.  Why?  Even though we may end up frustrated or weary... even though we know that we won't know it all...there's something to be said about the journey.  There's joy in the searching.  There's peace in the tension.  And at the end of the day, the questions are still better than the alternative.

Yes, there are a lot of unanswered questions out there.  But I pray to God that I never forget them all.