small Light, dark world--so let it shine

During this Christmas season, my thoughts should be preoccupied with a Baby in a manger, wise men following a star, and a virgin birth in a little barn out in a far-off place called Bethlehem. Although these things are components to what I've been wrestling with, mostly I've been mulling over the concept of Light.

Perhaps John was thinking similarly when he penned these words:

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:1-5

That Light came in the form of a tiny little Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and laying in a manger, and it hasn't stopped shining since.  

The thing about light is that it's quite persistent.  It only takes a teeny tiny little spark to start a fire.  One small candle can illuminate even the darkest of corners.  

And the Light didn't end when that little Baby grew into a Man and suffered a cruel death on the cross. Instead, it persisted through even the darkest place of all--DEATH, and came back shining even brighter.  Now, this same brilliant Light lives inside all of His followers, as we seek to carry it to the corners of the earth, so that all may be illuminated. 

The Light is persistent and unstoppable, but the darkness is also cunning and tenacious.  It seeks to send strong winds, snuffing out flames wherever possible.  The lurking shadows and creeping fogs attempt to fill crevices and corners, spreading the darkness to reach even the most brightly lit places.  

The darkness will not win, in the end, however.  Light is always more powerful.  The darkness will meet it's final destruction one day, when all things will shine under the illumination of the True Light. Yet, things are not over yet.  Our work is not done.  There's a role for each of us to play as "light bearers."  How do we carry this Light into a dark world? 

Recently, I have heard too many stories of fellow Christians becoming prey to the sin and shame that only comes with the dark.  Secret struggles, shame and fear, and much more can be found lurking in the shadowy corners and recesses of our lives.  It's time to shed Light on these.  It's time for us to step out in faith, allow these areas of our lives to be exposed and cleansed, and to hold out our Light for others to see.  

This can only come through true recognition of those dark corners and an attitude of repentance.   Too easily we refuse to call sin for what it is.  It taints us, keeping us away from God, while also leaving its mark of destruction on both ourselves and those around us.  (See, sin never just affects us.)  It's time for us to rid ourselves of the shadows, and to walk in the Light.  

Light came to the world over 2,000 years ago.  That Light "shone in the darkness," and defeated sin and death on the cross.  Now, that Light shines in us.  A challenge is set before us this season.  How will this truth impact your life?  

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."  Matthew 5: 14-16

There's only one way to wash yourself clean
So let the dirt fall and get on your knees
There are a million scars for every mistake
Oh but we are not chained to the secrets that we've made
Oh but we are not chained to the secrets that we've made

So come let it
Come let it
Come let it
Come let it shine

"Come Let it Shine"--All Sons and Daugthers

Merry Christmas everyone!  May we celebrate the Light.  

independently connected

i've been thinking about friendship, community, and relationships lately.  (part of this may be due to the fact that I am reading "Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis. darn you, Lewis--you make me think!)
...

it's interesting how inextricably woven together we are as human beings.  yet, on the same hand, we find ourselves fiercely independent of each other.

we need each other.  we need laughter and hugs and a listening ear.  we need long talks and a hand to hold.  we need confession,  exhortation, and correction.

yet, we need autonomy.  we need space.  we need to "own" our own decisions and feel like we are staying true to our sense of self.  we need solitude and peace and quiet.

we are connected, yet separated.  our minds, actions, and wills are our own.  we learn and grow from one another.  we become better versions of ourselves.

but ourselves we will always be.

our decisions are just that...they are "ours."  we can pray for one another. we can offer insight, guidance, and sometimes a good ol' smack in the face.  yet, our realm of control only extends so far.  each person must lie in the bed they have made.

connected, yet separate.  and that's ok.  it's actually a beautiful thing.  longing for relationship, yet still finding ourselves alone with our own thoughts at the end of the day.  loving, laughing, and listening, yet still solitary.

the truth is, we'll never feel complete.  we'll never feel fully "known" or connected to others.  and that's ok too.  just like anything else, relationships and community can get off-kilter.  instead, this tension, this vacuum, is meant to instill hope, an anticipation for the future.  the hope that one day things will be different.  when every tear is wiped away, and when we can finally see "face to face."

"now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12

and for that day we wait.  til then, we walk this path alone...yet, together.

Maybe we aren't made for this much awareness.

As I scroll through my newsfeed, I can be bombarded with information regarding a tornado that swept through Central Illinois, a typhoon that hit the Philippines, someone who locked their child up in a cage, multiple people’s battles with cancer and disease, childlessness, joblessness, break-ups, and the list goes on.  On the internet I can get updates on national disasters and local injustices, all within a click of the button.  I am more aware of the pain and tragedy in the world than I was even 10 years ago.  The question I have to ask myself is, “am I the better for it?” 

I think about how things were in my grandparents’ time.  They grew up in the Great Depression; they were no strangers to injustice, pain, starvation, and suffering.  They lived through World War II and heard first hand the destruction that humanity was capable of.  They were familiar with the roads that evil, disease, and unemployment can take a society down.  And all of this occurred while technology was advancing.   They had newspapers and telephones to pass information on the world’s occurrences.  Information was received much more rapidly than even their parents had experienced.  Yet, things were relayed so much differently during their time.  News travelled fast in the small town where my grandparents lived because everyone knew each other’s business (good or bad).  Word spread from person to person.  You got a phone call from your neighbor down the street and you heard the intonation in the person’s voice as they shared the tough news.  Or you read it on the headlines of today’s newspaper.  You saw the images printed in black in white, perhaps after several days had already passed and it would’ve e been considered “old news.” 

We have a much different experience today.  Instead, we are bombarded with hundreds of pieces of information each minute.  Many of them are negative.  And as much as I am all about raising awareness to the issues going on in the world, I start to wonder if we were made to handle all of this.  We reach a certain point where we become anesthetized to the suffering around us.  The headlines on the evening news are tragic, yet we only give them a cursory glance while chatting with our children over the dinner table.  We could justify this response by saying that those people are “half a world way,” yet even when tragedy strikes next door, we are hardly impacted.  Children are being shot in gang wars in the streets just 30 miles away and we are unaffected.  And what about those headlines that are even closer?  What about our “friends” on our news feeds?   We encounter tons of information from our “friends” daily on social media sites such as Facebook, yet how often are we actually affected by someone else’s suffering when they post about it online?  We may take a second to pause and pray or let the news sink in, yet it doesn't seem to carry the same effect as it did years ago.  Perhaps we have gotten so over-informed that we truly aren't informed at all.  Is there such a plethora of information that we have to sort through on a day to day basis, that we have begun to ignore the most important pieces around us--the lives of others that are impacted right in front of our eyes (literally)?  Could it be that the human mind (and heart) is meant to only process so much?  Are we handicapping ourselves by taking in too much information?   

I can't begin to know the answers to these questions. Yet at the same time,  I can't help but notice the effects of information overload in my own life and ponder its aftermath.  At what point will we say, "something has to change?"  Until then, we can each be intentional about noticing the truly noteworthy news in our world, and pausing to feel the pain, suffering, and burdens of others who have been affected by tragedy around us.    

gym thoughts: some things can't be replicated

Today I went for a bike ride after work.  The rain had just stopped and the pavement was still smelling like fresh moisture.  The clouds in the sky were turning blue, purple, and red while the sun was setting over the tree line.  I followed the pavement to my favorite trail and marveled at the tall prairie grass that was beginning to turn brown as autumn approaches.  I saw squirrels, rabbits, and birds.  Geese were walking around the marshland, searching for sustenance.  Gravel was crunching beneath my bicycle tires as I listened to the sound of crickets in the woods around me.  I had to pause to thank God for His beautiful creation and allowing me to be a part of this wonderful sensory experience tonight.

I couldn't help but contrast this rich moment with my experiences exercising at the gym.  Just last night I was on a mechanical stationary device whose sole purpose was to help me increase my heart rate by moving my legs up and down in a repetitive motion for 20 minutes.  All of this takes place in a sterile environment while watching TV and listening to Top 40.  Three times a week I walk into an indoor exercise room where I "clock in" and do my duty to help ensure that I don't die and early death due to cardiac arrest and high cholesterol.  I had a moment where I realized that not only do I subject myself to doing repetitive motions on a man-made device in order to participate in physical activity, but that I also think that it's NORMAL to do so.  Something is just missing.

Perhaps it's the fact that I am not actually going anywhere while I'm moving.  I am not feeling the wind as I run, or my feet hitting the pavement.  I don't see the sunset over the horizon, or the suicidal chipmunk that runs in the middle of the path.

Or perhaps its because I'm a slave to a machine all day, every day.  I sit in front of a machine at work.  I check a machine throughout the day to see if someone has tried to contact me.  I drive a machine to and from home.  I am so inundated with machines, that at times, you start to wonder if you ARE one.

Or perhaps my discontent with the gym comes from the lack of dynamic opportunities.  I don't walk away having felt like I experienced much of anything (besides other people's body odor).  I don't feel like I participated in something "bigger" than myself.  Sure, I feel healthier.  I feel stronger, and those things cannot be discounted, but there's something to be said about being in creation and realizing how truly small we really are.

So, will I go to the gym tomorrow?  Probably.  But will I long for something different?  Definitely.  In the meantime, I will keep attempting to lower my cholesterol.

I'm A Qualifier

I have recently been reading through some of Paul's letters in the New Testament--you know, the "General Electric Power Company"--Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians.  Well, throughout this process various passages have caught my attention that have never stood out to me before.  Colossians 1:12-14 was no exception.  The passage says, "...giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.  For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."  

The word "qualified" really grabbed my attention. I thought it was interesting that Paul used this word in particular.  I recently ran in the Chicago Half Marathon, and perhaps sports analogies were on the brain, but I thought immediately about what it means to "qualify" for something.   There are lots of things we have to qualify for in life, in order to "get ahead."  You must "qualify" for the Boston Marathon.  You muse have the work experience necessary to "qualify" for a promotion.  Your ACT scores must "qualify" you for college admission.  In all of these examples, you must meet a certain standard in order to be able to attain the positive outcome.  There are certain qualifications that must be met.  

In this passage, Paul says that we have been "qualified to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."  What standards would be necessary for such an inheritance?  How would we go about qualifying to be a part of this kingdom?  The word "light" seems to give us a big clue. It would seem like I need to be good, pure, and clean.  "Light" isn't rusty, rotting, or dirty.  It isn't broken down or corrupt.  It's shiny, bright and new.  So, that leads me to believe that I am immediately disqualified.  My abilities to produce things of light seem quite low.  If left to my own devices, I will not be able to meet these standards.  

It's interesting that Paul doesn't describe God as just overlooking our abilities to meet the qualifications.  He doesn't say that God ignores our faults and weaknesses.  He isn't like the coach who turned a blind eye while his player used performance enhancing drugs.  He isn't like the supervisor that promoted an employee simply based on politics.  Nor is he like the professor who let his student cheat during an exam.    Instead, he gives us what we need to meet the qualifications.  

How does that work?  Don't I need to be perfect to meet the qualifications? Well, yes.  You do.  

The Greek word for "qualified" means to "make sufficient, to render fit." And God has done just that.  He  offered up the perfect sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ, so that we might qualify.  We have now been imputed with His righteousness, so that our shortcomings, faults and failures no longer keep us from fulfilling the standard.  We have been made "fit" for the kingdom.  

Thanks be to God for this indescribable gift!  So, the next time that you feel that you just don't "qualify" and are tempted to be discouraged, remember this truth.  God has not just turned a blind eye to your shortcomings, but instead He has "qualified" you for an inheritance in the kingdom of light! He has given us all we need to meet the standards for the most amazing qualification we could ever hope for.  

rebuilding, renewing, restoring

"I can't believe my baby is in heaven without also believing I am going to hell for the choice I made." --client who experienced an abortion

"The last thing I remember is setting my drink down and going to the bathroom. Then, I woke up the next morning and couldn't remember what happened." --client who was sexually assaulted at a party

"The family had an intervention. She agreed to go to rehab. She goes to the program, talks to the staff and decides that it's not a good fit for her."-- friend who's family member is battling addiction 

This week, I have listened to stories about abuse, addiction, and brokenness. It's in these times that it is easy to become weighed down by the pain around you. Yet, in the midst of this I was reminded of a verse of Scripture: "They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations." (Isaiah 61:4)

I'm so glad, in the midst of these moments, that I never have to lose hope. I serve a God who is in the business of rebuilding, restoring, and renewing. Regardless of the level of "ruin" that exists or the amount of time it has existed in our lives, God is able to turn it into something worthwhile. He is able to take even the toughest, darkest parts of our lives and bring about something beautiful. This is my prayer not only for these women, but for you and me as well. May we never lose sight of HOPE. 

"be with Him and be sent out"

Yesterday I was reading from Mark 3. In this passage, Jesus has just recently started His ministry. He has been healing the sick, paralyzed, and demon possessed. He has already gained so much attention for these acts, that he can no longer go into a town without a huge crowd demanding his attention. So, in Mark chapter 3, when he wants to have some quality time with His disciples, he walks up a mountain and asks them to follow. Mark doesn't record the words that were spoken up on that mountaintop that day, but this was the moment of "calling" for the apostles. This was the time they can point back to and say, "this is where it started." Christ imparted a powerful sense of direction for their lives and future ministries. As Mark describes it in verse 14, "... (Jesus) went up on the mountain and called to him those whom he desired, and they came to him. And he appointed twelve (whom he also named apostles) so that they might be with him and he might send them out."


Here's an excellent example of what leaders call a "statement of purpose" Jesus calls 12 of those closest to Him and gives them two mandates that they are to order their lives and ministry around from this point forward: 1) Be with Him and 2) Be sent out.


If you think about it, the same mission that was given for these 12 apostles 2,000 years ago is awaits us today. The two simple mandates for us to live our lives by, are also imparted as our own: be with Him and be sent out. Yet, how often do we struggle with either the lack of implementation or the overexertion of these purposes? We either add 10 million other things to our "list" of mandates or we feel like the two we were given are far too impossible. Beware of falling into either of these traps. We can't live a life of self-defeat, nor a life of Christian perfectionism. We must get back to this original "statement of purpose" for our lives. As modern disciples, it's time for us to reorient ourselves to the two same mandates given all those many years ago: BE with Him and BE sent out! Can you imagine how the world may be impacted if we were to dedicate our lives to this? 2,000 years ago, the original disciples left their mark on the kingdom due to following these mandates. May the same be said of us 2,000 years from now.

realignment

I was reading a devotional this morning and walked away feeling both challenged and encouraged.  We don't realize how impactful having an incorrect (or small) perception of God is on our day-to-day lives.  "We must see and believe Him as big enough, kind enough, real enough, and strong enough to move in power in our everyday lives..."  Indeed, we must. May we be enamored by the "bigness" of God, so much so, that our own finite perception of the world, our problems, and ourselves, is aligned with His infinite perspective--a perspective that contains never-ending love and all-surpassing power.  

We Could Change the World by Matt Redman

“We believe that Your grace is stronger than all our faults and failures, we believe that Your love is deeper than our hearts could fathom…so could we live like this?”

A big view of God is a cure for so many of the things in life that would stand in our way or slow us down in ministry. When we really grasp the heights of who He is, and the depths of His heart for us, and the strength of His power in us, we can live a whole different kind of life. The way we view God will radically affect how our lives operate. Do we really get the fact that His grace is so strong it can cover all of our faults and weaknesses? Have we faced up to the fact that He is strong and wise enough to see us around, or through, even the most difficult of obstacles?

There must be nothing in our hearts, minds or lives that overshadows the truth of who God is. We must see and believe Him as big enough, kind enough, real enough and strong enough to move in power in our everyday lives- no matter what we’re facing. The first step for a worshipper is to confidently get to grips with just how magnificent and mighty He is. The next step is to let that confidence in God seep into the very depths of our hearts and minds, forming a holy confidence on the inside of us. When that truly happens, we will dream bigger dreams and live brighter lives.

Psalm 18 contains the heart-flow of an optimistic, bright-thinking worshipper. He approaches life with a great big view of who he can be, and he can do, in God:

“With Your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall”…He enables me to stand on the heights.” (v.29, v.33)

I wonder if you are in the depths today, struggling to think brightly or find a solution to a dilemma? Perhaps you are facing a battle you feel too weak to fight- or obstacles you feel powerless to climb? Let the optimistic outlook of the psalmist inspire you today. You are not alone in the struggles you face, or the help you need. Join with that ancient biblical songwriter in his confident proclamation, right here and now, and let it become your motto for today: “He enables me to stand upon the heights.”

Thoughts From A Tennessee Cocoon

This was a poem that I wrote in a poetry class in 2008.  I minimally edited it for this blog.

This poem seems fitting as the sweltering heat of summer finally begins to settle in.  It also feels particularly poignant now that I have moved away and not only reminisce on childhood summers, but also summers in my home state of Tennessee.

Thoughts From A Tennessee Cocoon

Fireflies flitter,
electrify the night.
A cricket's melody floats
on pockets of sticky air.
Tennessee summer heat,
too stubborn to leave with the sun,
too reluctant to relent.
Even the cool bed sheets,
a cocoon too soon occupied,
now cramped with clammy air.
Still the constant zephyr,
the sweet solstice swoons,
sweeping over my face,
whispering pleasures of life,
pleasures of summer.

Before drifting asleep
on a cricket's-sung tale,
another story settles in my ear,
summoning recollection--my own
days at Cherokee Circle,
sun-bleached hair, bicycle fringe.
Exploring the mimosa,
tanned body clambering,
resting in its arms,
outstretched.  My bony fingers finding
its pods, patiently peeling husks,
bean by bean,
the entertainment of onlies.
Here awaken days of my own--
days of summer.

Now at the end,
I quietly surrender
to the comfort of my own bed,
to the call of the cicada's tune,
and the cool wind's breath
mumbling sighs of a forgotten time--
uttering murmurs of childhood,
murmurs of summer.

What is our Foundation? Devotional Thoughts from 2003

I read 1 Corinthians 3:11 this morning and I was reminded of a devotional I gave about 10 years ago.  I was chaplain of a club in college at that time and had shared some thoughts about this verse.  I rummaged through my old journals and was able to find the entry from this devotional.  It was an encouragement for me to read it this morning, so I thought perhaps it might be an encouragement for you as well.  :)  (I have slightly adapted it to make it more applicable.)

WHAT IS OUR FOUNDATION

"What is something that we strive for? What is our sole pursuit? What do we desire above all else?

When I think of this, I am reminded of a verse I ran across last semester--1 Corinthians 3:11.  'For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid which is Jesus Christ.' My prayer is that this would be our theme.  When I was asked what my vision was for this club, I said 'love and unity,' but above all else I desire that we get back to our foundation, that we renew our passionate pursuit of Christ.  For you see, unity, friendship, and loving one another are all noteworthy causes, but they are not a foundation.  Fellowship, Bible studies, serving others, and all the things we stand for are good fruit, but they are not a foundation.  Christ is our foundation and our pursuit is to glorify Him.

For if we fail at this, we fail completely.  If we fail to glorify God, we fail at serving others.  If we fail to glorify God, we fail at unity.  If we fail to glorify God, we fail at fellowship.  If we fail to glorify God, we fail at loving one another.  'For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid which is Jesus Christ.'

I am reminded of a person in the Bible who truly understood this--the lady with the alabaster jar.  She was so focused on Christ that she was willing to be shamed, willing to sacrifice all, willing to risk everything to break her alabaster jar at the Savior's feet.  The disciples, when they saw her act of worship, thought it was a waste--even though they loved Jesus.  Matthew 26:8-9 says that they were 'indignant' because the perfume could have been sold and the money given to the poor.  But Jesus commended the woman because she had realized what was most important.

See, the disciples had a good cause.  You could even say that they desired to do an act of service to Jesus by offering money to the poor, but they came about it in the wrong way--their focus wasn't in the right place.  Although the woman with the alabaster jar may have seemed wasteful in the eyes of others, she was commended in the sight of her Lord, for she sacrificed all she had to glorify Him.  She put everything aside for her passionate pursuit.  She knew WHO her foundation was and did all she could to honor him.

Can the same be said of us?  Are we more like the disciples--pursuing good 'causes' but forgetting our focus?  Or are we more like the woman--remembering the most important thing, our Foundation, and giving all we have to glorify Him?  For no other foundation can we lay, than that which is laid which is Jesus Christ. "

Seeking Out Shekhinah

"In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe. The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the

Majesty in heaven." Hebrews 1:1-3

Have you ever thought about the “glory” of God?  What is IT?  To the audience that is listening to Hebrews for the first time, they are very familiar with God’s glory.  Most scholars believe that we aren’t quite sure who the author of the book of Hebrews is, but they tend to agree that the book (or sermon) is directed towards a group of Jewish Christians who are now reconsidering their faith in Christ due to trials or persecution. 

The Jewish people knew about God’s glory.  They had SEEN it.

Remember when Moses began leading the people out of Egypt?  There was a cloud to guide them by day and a pillar of fire to guide them by night.  God’s glory. 

Remember when Moses went up to Mt Sinai and the cloud covered the mountain?  When he came down, his face was radiant, and he had to hide it from the people.  The glory of God.

Remember when Moses asked to SEE God’s glory?  God had to hide him behind a rock and pass by, while covering with His hand.  THAT is the glory of God.

So, for the readers (or listeners) of Hebrews, they understood the weight of God’s glory.  This was something powerful and majestic.  It’s the essence of God.  And no man can stand in it’s presence. 

And Moses wasn’t the only one in the Bible who wanted to encounter this powerful yet deadly force of God.  This morning I read Psalm 44.  In this heart-felt confession, David seeks out the glory of God as well.

"Send out your light and your truth;
   
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
   
and to your dwelling!
Then I will go to the altar of God,
   
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
   
O God, my God."

David ASKS to go to the “holy hill,” to the dwelling of God.  David grew up hearing the stories of the cloud on the mountain.  He knew what it meant to ascend the hill.  Exodus 24 calls God’s glory on the mountain a “devouring fire.”  Even God tells Moses, “man shall not see me and live.”  Yet, this is what David requests—to be brought to God’s holy dwelling.

I can’t help but compare myself to David.  I have to ask myself if I have the same amount of desire.  If I KNEW that it could cost me my life, would I still be willing to ask to experience God’s presence?

The funny thing is, it does cost me my life.

Hebrews 1:2 tells us that Jesus is the “radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being.” To encounter Christ is to encounter the Shekhinah glory of God.  Yet, just as it was with Moses and David, it’s not without a cost. 

Christ paid that price for me to be able to encounter the glory of God and still live.  Yet, despite the weight of this sacrifice, I am so easily satisfied with the things in my life that I don’t actively seek out more of God’s glory.  I am challenged by the desire of Moses and David, who wanted to experience God in His fullness, even if it meant laying their own lives down.

Today, I have been given an even greater opportunity than Moses and David had. I have Christ living inside of me—“the exact representation of God.”  This was something they could only dream of and long for.  So, what’s next?  To what extent am I willing to go to experience more of God? Moses and David only had to ask.  Perhaps I should start there too.

what to do with all these questions...

Recently I was traveling back from overseas.  I had a layover in the Miami airport and decided to grab some lunch.  As I was standing in line waiting to order my food, I overheard a conversation going on behind me (yes, I was that creepy eavesdropper).  A guy asked his friend a question. It seemed like he had some sort of developmental issue, based on the sound of his voice.  He wondered if his friend would like to partake in their recent comforts now that they were back in the States.  He asked if he would get on the computer and use the internet.  His friend responded that he didn't need to get online and that he could just wait until they got back home.  The first guy thought this was odd and encouraged his friend to reconsider by saying, "You don't want to get on the internet? You know, Wiki something?? There are so many unanswered questions out there....I have forgotten them all."  

I remember standing there, letting his response wash over me.  Here's this guy who many people would completely disregard as soon as he opened his mouth.  Perhaps people would assume that "he's not all there" or that he doesn't have as much to contribute as the next guy.  Yet, here he is, saying the most profound statement I had heard in a long time.  Yes.  There are TONS of unanswered questions out there (many of which we can find with a click of a button--thanks, Wikipedia).  And yet, we can become overwhelmed by the enormity of them all.  We choose to forget them, to tuck them away in the back of our minds, as a matter of survival.  We don't like to live in the tension of the unanswerable.  

I was recently listening to a podcast of This American Life called "Self-Improvement Kick."  In this episode, they follow the story of a guy who was unable to put these thoughts away.  His questions consumed him and drove him to drastic measures.  He reached a point in his life where he wrestled so much with the unknowns of life that he put his career on hold to go in search of answers.  He visited the holy land, talked to shamans, fasted...nothing worked.  Eventually, he decided to sell everything he owned and walk across country on a "pilgrimage," of sorts. He followed in the footsteps of a lady named "Peace Pilgrim." He would rely on the kindness of others for every amount of food or shelter he received.  He would simply meet people along the way and allow God to provide for all of his necessities.  Needless to say, he only made it 40 miles.  After 3 days, cold and tired, he saw a billboard on the side of the road.  It simply said, "It's ok to make mistakes as long as they are new ones."  That's when he realized he had made a mistake going on this "journey."  He decided to throw in the towel and call for help.  Through the generosity of his friends and family, he was able to stay at a hotel that night.  Here's how the episode summarizes that final step of his pilgrimage: 

"'Probably the culminating moment in all of this was probably sitting in that bathtub (in the hotel) and just being so exhausted that I just didn't care anymore if I had the answer. It just wasn't important.'

He'd been on this journey, most of it alone and suffering, and trying to figure out the meaning of life...And three days in the cold made him realize he was doing this to himself. He was making himself suffer.  And he could stop.  Which landed him in the same messy place so many of us are in, not having any answers.  So we just ignore the questions and get on with our lives."  

Here's the lesson the Peace Pilgrim  learned in all of this:  There are so many unanswered questions out there.  You just have to forget them all.

Yet, how is this a true ending to the journey?  To resign yourself to a life of ignoring, stifling, and stuffing seems monotonous and hardly sustainable.  Won't the questions pop up again at some point?  Maybe you lose a loved one.  You get cancer.  You go to a wedding.  You watch a sunset.  Soon, there are cracks in life where the questions will begin to bleed through.

And aren't the questions there for a reason?  (That's a question about a question, isn't it?? Wait...that makes my head hurt.)  I mean, the fact that we have questions at all is something to revel in.  There's something magical and purposeful about "searching."  You recognize that it doesn't all end with us.  We aren't all there is.  We aren't the "cheese."  And neither is this world.  There's something more.  Something bigger.

So, although we never find the answers to all the questions, we MUST continue to search.  Why?  Even though we may end up frustrated or weary... even though we know that we won't know it all...there's something to be said about the journey.  There's joy in the searching.  There's peace in the tension.  And at the end of the day, the questions are still better than the alternative.

Yes, there are a lot of unanswered questions out there.  But I pray to God that I never forget them all.