I have found there are seasons in life that I may "marinate" over a certain set of scriptures and keep coming back to it over weeks or months at a time. Right now, it's Psalm 103. Regardless of what I may be facing at the time, this passage seems to have some little nugget that hits home.
The little nugget that has been sitting with me lately is found in the first set of verses in the chapter:
Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
He "satisfies our desires with good things."
Desires are a gift from God. Can you imagine life without any desires? I mean, life would be horribly boring. We would be the most mundane, uninteresting people. Desires push us forward. The motivate us. They inspire us. We achieve and attain because of this thing called desire.
However, we have all seen the flip side of desire. When desire takes root and overrides reason or control, we see how destructive it can be. Addictions, crimes, and many sins arise out of the result of desire gone wrong.
Instead of God saying that we have to get rid of the desires that can lead to such things, He offers us an opportunity to actually fulfill them. He is able to satisfy our desires with good things. If you have ever encountered someone battling an addiction, you can see this process play out. You don't overcome addiction with a list of "do's and don'ts." Yes, there is a behavioral piece to the problem that needs to be addressed. However, the way to achieve long-term success in being free is to find fulfillment in something outside of the addiction. To answer the question: "What need is being met within the addiction and how can that need be met somewhere else?"
That's what God does with us. He doesn't ask that our desires be taken away from us. He has created the desires. They are from His hand. It is our sin and brokenness that taint desire and turn it into something potentially harmful. Our desires become destructive when we seek their fulfillment outside of God. However, if we allow God to satisfy these desires, He is able to bring life and goodness. Our fulfillment is found in Him and Him alone.
Praise be to God, who doesn't ask that we lose our desires, but to find them met in Him.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Beauty of Fall
Twice a year my work hosts a "Prayer and Fasting" day at a local arboretum. It's a chance for us to get away from the craziness of the office and decompress a little. We spend most of the day in solitude, with 5 hours spent wandering the grounds praying, reflecting, and reading. It was during one of these times a couple of weeks ago, that I was struck in a new way by the beauty surrounding me. The trees were on the cusp of beginning to change colors for the fall. It was a gorgeously sunny day with temps in the 70s. I was walking through a forest, surrounded by God's creation with no one else in sight. I found myself thinking about how immensely pretty everything was. Then, I thought to myself, "why?" "Why did God create things to be beautiful?" Instead of the deep greens and rustic browns, I could be looking at gray and black. Everything could be one color of "blah" and I wouldn't know any different. If I grew up with monochrome surroundings, a world of colorless nothing, then that would be my "familiar." Yet, instead, I have been given beauty and richness, and am therefore able to differentiate between the mundane and the extravagant. I began to be so appreciative of not just of the beauty that is in front of me, but also the beauty that will be. If I think things are so wonderful now, what will they look like when all things are renewed? This "beautiful" world we are surrounded carries with it the effects of sin and brokenness. The Bible tells us that creation groans for it's own restoration. The beauty I see now is but a mere reflection, a fleeting shadow, of the beauty that is to come. So, when you see a tree in the splendor of its fall colors, sparkling in the sunlight, take a moment to thank God--not just for the beauty that it is, but the beauty that is to come when all things are redeemed and restored.
Romans 8: 20-23: For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
"Life in Death"...Easter Reflections
Today I had a realization. 5 years ago, I experienced a huge turning point in my life. I didn't quite understand the full extent of it at the time (and probably still don't), but God had been working to bring me to a point of freedom from things i had been struggling with for a long time. During this Easter season, i can't help but reflect on my own journey from death to life. I'm going to share with you excerpts from my journal entry on 4-2-07. Read and reflect with me about the work of a God who brings light into dark places and life into places of brokenness and struggle in our lives.
---
4-2-07
"So many times when we rebel we think that we are choosing independence. We want to do what we want to do and sometimes we lose our better judgment and actually do it.
There have been times in my life that I have made poor choices in the name of "freedom." I want to have the ability to choose what I wish--to not be bound by obligation. So, I strike out on my own path and quickly find that my so called "freedom" wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Instead of being free, I found myself a captive. Instead of independence--slavery.
The truth is that I have 2 choices; not "freedom" and "service," but "service" and "service." Will I choose to serve God or serve an idol? That idol make take the form of my desires, a crutch, a relationship, or so many other things, but no matter what object it becomes, in the end it leads to captivity. So, in essence, my choice for freedom does not lead to freedom at all--unless it is a choice that involves service to God. It is in this choice to die that I find life--to lose that I find gain. So, who will I serve? What choice will I make? One of faith or one of immediacy? One of sacrifice or one of indulgence? One of life or one of destruction?
On Saturday (3-31-07), I made a commitment...God showed me that I needed to just plant both feet and take the plunge--to leave all of that completely behind me. I didn't want the option to ever be held in my hand anymore. I realized that in order to be free I had to completely commit--I had to "lose my life for His sake in order to find it"--I had to go full-throttle and not look back, realizing that I might not always land it perfectly, but there would be no successful jumps otherwise. So, yeah, that's where I'm at--diving in and seeking to be fully obedient, praying for God's strength to carry me through."
---
And carry me through He has. 5 years later, I can look back at my life and rejoice at the work God has done. May this Easter season afford you the opportunity to reflect and express gratitude as well. And if you are currently in the midst of struggle or pain, may you be encouraged to anticipate and trust in the work God is doing as we speak and will continue to do in the future. Praise be to God for His wonderful work of redemption and rescue in our lives!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
new glasses
In 1896, a psychologist by the name of George Stratton did an experiment on vision and the images our retina detects. He wore glasses for 3 days that caused him to see the world upside down. Although at first he had difficulty navigating his new perspective, over time things began to change. Eventually, he was able to see things "right side up," as he had seen them before wearing the glasses. Soon enough, his vision had adapted and he was able to perceive things normally.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about "perspective" and it's fluctuating nature. Studies like these only confirm the fact that we are an adaptive species. This has been proven in our physical vision, and I would go so far to say that it applies to our "spiritual vision" as well.
How often have we had a spiritual encounter and a "life changing experience" only to find ourselves back in the same spot engaging in the same lifestyle or behaviors a few weeks (or days) later? Our spiritual selves begin to adapt to this newness and without further adaptations, it begins to swing back to "normalcy" or baseline.
Yet, the truth is, as Christians, our vision has truly changed. We no longer perceive the world through the same set of lenses as we used prior to our encounters with Christ. However, every single day we are bombarded with stimuli and messages that counteract our new perception. The old way of viewing things is in competition with our new perception. So, how do we keep ourselves from reverting back to our old way of seeing things?
Part of it comes with remembering our new way of thinking/perceiving. Since we have adapted to this new perception, it becomes difficult to be actively aware of it. Just like Stratton got used to his new lenses over time, our new lenses can get comfortable. We have to remind ourselves of what life is like through our "new" perspective: what did things look like BEFORE we put on the new perspective, how have things changed now that we have this new vision in our lives?
We also have to constantly sort through what is the "real" perspective and what is the false one. Every single day we are told to perceive things a certain way according to the culture around us. However, is that the TRUE lens? Or, like Neo in the Matrix, are we engaging in a world that has deceived us and the true world (or kingdom) is beyond what we can actually see in front of us?
If we look back in biblical history, the Israelites faced the same struggle. When God initially gave them the commandments (a new way of living and perceiving things), He not only gave them the "new lens" but also gave them guidelines as to how to keep this perspective at the front of their minds:
So, as we live in this world as aliens and strangers, walking around with the lenses of another perspective, may we continue to fight the pull of adaptation. The perspective of the world is all around us and try as we might, we can't completely rid ourselves of its influence. But what we CAN do is walk in the ways of the new perspective and call to mind the moments of gratitude for the new vision we have been given.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about "perspective" and it's fluctuating nature. Studies like these only confirm the fact that we are an adaptive species. This has been proven in our physical vision, and I would go so far to say that it applies to our "spiritual vision" as well.
How often have we had a spiritual encounter and a "life changing experience" only to find ourselves back in the same spot engaging in the same lifestyle or behaviors a few weeks (or days) later? Our spiritual selves begin to adapt to this newness and without further adaptations, it begins to swing back to "normalcy" or baseline.
Yet, the truth is, as Christians, our vision has truly changed. We no longer perceive the world through the same set of lenses as we used prior to our encounters with Christ. However, every single day we are bombarded with stimuli and messages that counteract our new perception. The old way of viewing things is in competition with our new perception. So, how do we keep ourselves from reverting back to our old way of seeing things?
Part of it comes with remembering our new way of thinking/perceiving. Since we have adapted to this new perception, it becomes difficult to be actively aware of it. Just like Stratton got used to his new lenses over time, our new lenses can get comfortable. We have to remind ourselves of what life is like through our "new" perspective: what did things look like BEFORE we put on the new perspective, how have things changed now that we have this new vision in our lives?
We also have to constantly sort through what is the "real" perspective and what is the false one. Every single day we are told to perceive things a certain way according to the culture around us. However, is that the TRUE lens? Or, like Neo in the Matrix, are we engaging in a world that has deceived us and the true world (or kingdom) is beyond what we can actually see in front of us?
If we look back in biblical history, the Israelites faced the same struggle. When God initially gave them the commandments (a new way of living and perceiving things), He not only gave them the "new lens" but also gave them guidelines as to how to keep this perspective at the front of their minds:
"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers...be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." Deuteronomy 6: 6-12God knew the human capacity to strive for equilibrium and to lose perspective. The Israelites were in danger of the same things we are susceptible to today. If we learn anything from them, we recognize the importance of remembrance.
So, as we live in this world as aliens and strangers, walking around with the lenses of another perspective, may we continue to fight the pull of adaptation. The perspective of the world is all around us and try as we might, we can't completely rid ourselves of its influence. But what we CAN do is walk in the ways of the new perspective and call to mind the moments of gratitude for the new vision we have been given.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
a lesson in perspective (from Jesus' family drama)
In case you were wondering, Jesus had family drama too...And it all starts with a mob and a rambunctious crowd.
In Mark chapter 3, Mark mentions some actions of the crowd that is following Jesus. The people with "diseases were pushing forward to touch him (v.10)," "many people came (v.7)," "a crowd was sitting around him (v.32)," and in verse 20 "again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat." If you can imagine, the popularity of Christ is growing so much so that Jesus can't even get a chance to grab some food! The crowds are pressing in on his every step to the point that Jesus had to go up on a mountainside to have enough privacy to appoint his disciples (v.13-14).
In the midst of all of this craziness, there's a very interesting piece about Jesus' family. See the verses below:
Imagine it. Here is Jesus. His ministry is just getting off the ground. People are starting to hear about his miraculous abilities and they are flocking to him for healing. Just within the first two chapters of Mark he's already healed a demon possessed man, a man with leprosy, a paralytic, Peter's mother-in-law, and "many who had various diseases." Needless to say, he's been a little busy.
Soon enough, the population in the area begins to find out and make their way to him. The crowds begin to grow in intensity. Jesus begins to have to distance himself from them in order to have time with his disciples. Then, it gets to the point where he can't even find time to eat.
His family begins to think he's crazy.
They think their Son, Brother, Cousin, is crazy.
How can this be? Don't they realize WHO he is and what sort of life he was meant to lead?
But surely, not Mary. Of all people to understand, it would have to be her. 30 years prior, she was approached by an angel as a young betrothed woman. (See Luke 1: 26-28) This angel began to tell her that she was "highly favored" and that she had "found favor with God." God chose her to carry the "Son of the Most High God" who will "reign over the house of Jacob forever" and whose "kingdom will never end." She would be the mother to the Messiah.
Yet, here she is knocking at the door, thinking her Son was "out of his mind." Was it a mother's concern over the fact that he wasn't eating? Was she worried that he was living too much of a fast-paced life and should go back to carpentry? Did she remember his lingering at the temple when he was younger and think that he had once again gotten too wrapped up in things? Did she ever doubt that the miracles were actually real? What had happened in those 30 years to change her perspective?
Here is this woman who is revered by many as the mother of Christ. She had a literal angel appear to her, informing her of the divine nature of her Son. She was a recipient of a miraculous event herself. And yet, she still doubted. She still lost perspective.
Mary had perhaps gotten so caught up in the day-to-day life of raising the Messiah, that she forgot what was actually going on. Maybe she lost sight of her heavenly encounter all those many years ago. Maybe all the diapers, schooling, feeding, and mothering had gotten in the way of the vision she had of God's plan. Perhaps she couldn't see the bigger picture of God's kingdom for the simple fact she was too focused on what was directly in front of her.
This was such a stark reminder to me. If this woman can fail at "getting it," how much more can I? I who have never had an encounter with an angel. I who have never had Magi travel from foreign lands to lay offerings at the feet of my Son. I who never raised a child who was perfect and blameless. How much more can I lose perspective on this amazing thing that's right in front of me...yet sooo much bigger than I can possibly imagine?
So, may this be a reminder to all of us. May we not get so caught up in what's right in front of us that we miss the bigger picture. May the day-to-day mundane not keep us from seeing the heavenly perspective. And most importantly, may the "this is the way it should be's" not keep us from seeing that God could be doing something so amazingly huge and dynamic, even though it may come in a form that we least expect it.
In Mark chapter 3, Mark mentions some actions of the crowd that is following Jesus. The people with "diseases were pushing forward to touch him (v.10)," "many people came (v.7)," "a crowd was sitting around him (v.32)," and in verse 20 "again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat." If you can imagine, the popularity of Christ is growing so much so that Jesus can't even get a chance to grab some food! The crowds are pressing in on his every step to the point that Jesus had to go up on a mountainside to have enough privacy to appoint his disciples (v.13-14).
In the midst of all of this craziness, there's a very interesting piece about Jesus' family. See the verses below:
"Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, "He is out of his mind." (v.20-21)
"Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, "Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you." "Who are my mother and my brothers?" he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother." (v. 31-35)I always read the last set of verses and felt a little perplexed. It seems to come across as a little rude. It seems as if Jesus's family stopped by to pay him a visit and then he turns around and disowns them. However, if you look at the previous verses, you can find the connection. "When his family heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, 'He is out of his mind.'"
Imagine it. Here is Jesus. His ministry is just getting off the ground. People are starting to hear about his miraculous abilities and they are flocking to him for healing. Just within the first two chapters of Mark he's already healed a demon possessed man, a man with leprosy, a paralytic, Peter's mother-in-law, and "many who had various diseases." Needless to say, he's been a little busy.
Soon enough, the population in the area begins to find out and make their way to him. The crowds begin to grow in intensity. Jesus begins to have to distance himself from them in order to have time with his disciples. Then, it gets to the point where he can't even find time to eat.
His family begins to think he's crazy.
They think their Son, Brother, Cousin, is crazy.
How can this be? Don't they realize WHO he is and what sort of life he was meant to lead?
But surely, not Mary. Of all people to understand, it would have to be her. 30 years prior, she was approached by an angel as a young betrothed woman. (See Luke 1: 26-28) This angel began to tell her that she was "highly favored" and that she had "found favor with God." God chose her to carry the "Son of the Most High God" who will "reign over the house of Jacob forever" and whose "kingdom will never end." She would be the mother to the Messiah.
Yet, here she is knocking at the door, thinking her Son was "out of his mind." Was it a mother's concern over the fact that he wasn't eating? Was she worried that he was living too much of a fast-paced life and should go back to carpentry? Did she remember his lingering at the temple when he was younger and think that he had once again gotten too wrapped up in things? Did she ever doubt that the miracles were actually real? What had happened in those 30 years to change her perspective?
Here is this woman who is revered by many as the mother of Christ. She had a literal angel appear to her, informing her of the divine nature of her Son. She was a recipient of a miraculous event herself. And yet, she still doubted. She still lost perspective.
Mary had perhaps gotten so caught up in the day-to-day life of raising the Messiah, that she forgot what was actually going on. Maybe she lost sight of her heavenly encounter all those many years ago. Maybe all the diapers, schooling, feeding, and mothering had gotten in the way of the vision she had of God's plan. Perhaps she couldn't see the bigger picture of God's kingdom for the simple fact she was too focused on what was directly in front of her.
This was such a stark reminder to me. If this woman can fail at "getting it," how much more can I? I who have never had an encounter with an angel. I who have never had Magi travel from foreign lands to lay offerings at the feet of my Son. I who never raised a child who was perfect and blameless. How much more can I lose perspective on this amazing thing that's right in front of me...yet sooo much bigger than I can possibly imagine?
So, may this be a reminder to all of us. May we not get so caught up in what's right in front of us that we miss the bigger picture. May the day-to-day mundane not keep us from seeing the heavenly perspective. And most importantly, may the "this is the way it should be's" not keep us from seeing that God could be doing something so amazingly huge and dynamic, even though it may come in a form that we least expect it.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Reflections from a Wanna-Be Catracha (Honduran)
January 14-February 10 were some of the most rewarding times of my life. I spent 4 weeks at an orphanage in Honduras called Hogar Esperanza. Although I could never bore you with the summary of my entire time there, I wanted to jot down some of my reflections from the trip.
Ever since my first missions trip in 1998, I've had the "missions itch." I went on a domestic trip with my youth choir to host concerts and backyard Bible clubs in a small town outside of Grand Rapids, Michigan. Something within in me connected during that experience and I have loved missions ever since. Since then, I have gone on 7 domestic trips and 6 overseas trips. Most of these were very short-term, usually lasting only a week or so at a time. I haven't taken a more extended trip since 2005 when I spent 6 weeks in China. (That trip deserves its own blog sometime.) So, needless to say, this trip to Honduras was one that would be different than most of my previous experiences.
However, it would be similar in some ways as well. One of my passions is for Latin American countries. I LOVE Spanish language and culture. 4 of the 6 overseas trips I've taken have been to Latin American countries. (One day, I would love to see that number increase!) So, although Honduras was a new country to me, it is similar in language and some cultural aspects. Also, it gave me an opportunity to continue to develop these language skills and further my exposure to the people and culture of Latin America.
Well, needless to say, I didn't realize how much it would rock my world. I spent my 4 weeks hanging out with the 15 kids at Hogar Esperanza and taking Spanish classes at a school in town. Getting to know the kids and spending time with them made every effort of this trip worthwhile. All of them come from various difficult life circumstances that left them without family support. It's amazing to see where God has brought them through now and how he has used Hogar Esperanza to truly change their lives. (If you'd like to read the story of 4 of the kids click here: http://www.cogwm.org/index2.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2833&pop=1&page=0&Itemid=60) These kids are truly amazing.
One of the other main aspects of my trips was leading a couple of "Girl Talk" small group sessions with the teenage girls from the orphanage and the local church. The first one I conducted was on abstinence and healthy relationships and the second one was about body image. There were about 10 girls there, and thanks to the director of the orphanage, Angie, I was able to have the sessions translated into Spanish. At the end of our second session, the girls stopped to thank me for taking time to share with them. They were grateful for the opportunity to talk about topics that were relevant to them and their stage in life. And to be honest, I was probably more grateful for the opportunity to be able to share with them!
In all, I walked away feeling like my time had only just scratched the surface. There were still many relationships to be built and nurtured. There were still lots of topics to be discussed amongst the teenage girls. There was tons of time that could be spent with the kids, holding their hands or just playing games. However, it was time to come back to "reality" and make my return trip home to Wheaton, IL.
I never imagined leaving would be so hard. I was talking with a friend who just returned from a year deployment in Iraq with the National Guard. He described his feelings of returning home as "bittersweet." He said he and many of the other soldiers didn't feel like the mission was complete. There was still more work to be done, yet their circumstances demanded that they return home. On a MUCH, MUCH smaller level I can resonate with that feeling. The mission is still very much incomplete and there is still much work to be done in Honduras and at Hogar Esperanza. I can only hope and pray that there is more in store for me there.
I don't know what God may have for me and my connection at Hogar Esperanza. Right now, I am praying that I will continue to adapt to my life back here in the States while also cherishing my time in Honduras. On the last day of my trip I was reading the familiar passage in John 15 about the vine and the branches. Yet this time, one of the verses stood out to me like never before: "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you." John 15: 16 The concept of "fruit that will last" struck me. Although my time in Honduras was short-lived, God was able to do something lasting with it. He not only has equipped me to bear fruit, but fruit that does not wither away and die within a month's time. It's lasting fruit. And in that I can take comfort.
So, now what? Well, I am looking at planning a return trip in July for a week. There are lots of projects that can be done at the orphanage, so there is always a need for extra hands. I would like to bring down a group of people to join me in my efforts. If you are interested in participating, just let me know. You can come fall in love with a bunch of kids and eat a lot of beans and tortillas. Have I sold you on it yet? :)
In the meantime, it's readjusting to the midwest and American culture (and the freezing cold weather). Also, it's maintaining connections with Spanish and creating opportunities to be exposed to Latin culture here in the US. So, hopefully, the next time you all see me, I'll be speaking a little bit more Español! Until then I will keep you posted. Nos vemos!
Ever since my first missions trip in 1998, I've had the "missions itch." I went on a domestic trip with my youth choir to host concerts and backyard Bible clubs in a small town outside of Grand Rapids, Michigan. Something within in me connected during that experience and I have loved missions ever since. Since then, I have gone on 7 domestic trips and 6 overseas trips. Most of these were very short-term, usually lasting only a week or so at a time. I haven't taken a more extended trip since 2005 when I spent 6 weeks in China. (That trip deserves its own blog sometime.) So, needless to say, this trip to Honduras was one that would be different than most of my previous experiences.
However, it would be similar in some ways as well. One of my passions is for Latin American countries. I LOVE Spanish language and culture. 4 of the 6 overseas trips I've taken have been to Latin American countries. (One day, I would love to see that number increase!) So, although Honduras was a new country to me, it is similar in language and some cultural aspects. Also, it gave me an opportunity to continue to develop these language skills and further my exposure to the people and culture of Latin America.
Well, needless to say, I didn't realize how much it would rock my world. I spent my 4 weeks hanging out with the 15 kids at Hogar Esperanza and taking Spanish classes at a school in town. Getting to know the kids and spending time with them made every effort of this trip worthwhile. All of them come from various difficult life circumstances that left them without family support. It's amazing to see where God has brought them through now and how he has used Hogar Esperanza to truly change their lives. (If you'd like to read the story of 4 of the kids click here: http://www.cogwm.org/index2.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2833&pop=1&page=0&Itemid=60) These kids are truly amazing.
One of the other main aspects of my trips was leading a couple of "Girl Talk" small group sessions with the teenage girls from the orphanage and the local church. The first one I conducted was on abstinence and healthy relationships and the second one was about body image. There were about 10 girls there, and thanks to the director of the orphanage, Angie, I was able to have the sessions translated into Spanish. At the end of our second session, the girls stopped to thank me for taking time to share with them. They were grateful for the opportunity to talk about topics that were relevant to them and their stage in life. And to be honest, I was probably more grateful for the opportunity to be able to share with them!
In all, I walked away feeling like my time had only just scratched the surface. There were still many relationships to be built and nurtured. There were still lots of topics to be discussed amongst the teenage girls. There was tons of time that could be spent with the kids, holding their hands or just playing games. However, it was time to come back to "reality" and make my return trip home to Wheaton, IL.
I never imagined leaving would be so hard. I was talking with a friend who just returned from a year deployment in Iraq with the National Guard. He described his feelings of returning home as "bittersweet." He said he and many of the other soldiers didn't feel like the mission was complete. There was still more work to be done, yet their circumstances demanded that they return home. On a MUCH, MUCH smaller level I can resonate with that feeling. The mission is still very much incomplete and there is still much work to be done in Honduras and at Hogar Esperanza. I can only hope and pray that there is more in store for me there.
I don't know what God may have for me and my connection at Hogar Esperanza. Right now, I am praying that I will continue to adapt to my life back here in the States while also cherishing my time in Honduras. On the last day of my trip I was reading the familiar passage in John 15 about the vine and the branches. Yet this time, one of the verses stood out to me like never before: "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you." John 15: 16 The concept of "fruit that will last" struck me. Although my time in Honduras was short-lived, God was able to do something lasting with it. He not only has equipped me to bear fruit, but fruit that does not wither away and die within a month's time. It's lasting fruit. And in that I can take comfort.
So, now what? Well, I am looking at planning a return trip in July for a week. There are lots of projects that can be done at the orphanage, so there is always a need for extra hands. I would like to bring down a group of people to join me in my efforts. If you are interested in participating, just let me know. You can come fall in love with a bunch of kids and eat a lot of beans and tortillas. Have I sold you on it yet? :)
In the meantime, it's readjusting to the midwest and American culture (and the freezing cold weather). Also, it's maintaining connections with Spanish and creating opportunities to be exposed to Latin culture here in the US. So, hopefully, the next time you all see me, I'll be speaking a little bit more Español! Until then I will keep you posted. Nos vemos!
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