falling

Tis the season for snow...and ice. Being a fairly uncoordinated person, I tend to avoid the latter. I mean, I couldn't even survive living in Tennessee without encountering my share of icy falls, much less Illinois! So, now that I live in an ice-prone environment, I am always on the lookout.

Recently, I was not quite so vigilant. I was on an evening stroll and decided to take the scenic route to town through the middle of a park. I noticed upon approach that the sidewalks had not been cleared and were covered with snow. As I got closer, I realized that not only were they snow-laden, but were also very icy. Being the stubborn person I am, I decided I would still press on and make my way through the park, so I tried to avoid the icy patches. Well, unfortunately, I hit a little slippery spot and my body fought to maintain its balance. I almost pulled my back out simply trying to keep both feet on the ground. After regaining my balance once more, the thought hit me about how much effort my body went through to keep itself upright. I could have endured much more pain by trying to avoid impact with the ground then actually falling itself.

Isn't this what we do though? How many people do you know that have broken bones b/c they stumbled and tried to break their fall? Our body's natural reaction is to try to protect itself...and sometimes this comes at our own expense. Often the act of trying to lessen the impact actually ends up causing more damage than the fall ever would.

I think this concept applies to other areas of our lives as well. Emotionally we go through this all of the time. We hit a rough patch. We "stumble." In an effort to lessen the blow, we seek stiff arm and try to protect ourselves. We deny. We repress. We refuse to actually allow ourselves to fall and embrace the impact. As a result, we drag things out and end up causing more damage to ourselves than we would have if we had just dealt with it to begin with. Just like falling physically, our natural tendencies to protect our emotions can be detrimental if not handled correctly.

I asked myself if this is something that could also be applied to our spiritual lives. Do we ever find ourselves "tripping up" and refusing to face the full impact? Instead we peter along, balancing between some comfortable/uncomfortable state and refuse to really let ourselves "hit." I don't know...but it's something worth thinking about.

So, next time, when you hit the ice, you have a choice to make. Will you spend so much effort protecting yourself from falling or will you embrace the impact head on? Oftentimes, you only have a split second to decide...

the older brother

I have a hard time with the story of the Prodigal Son sometimes. It's a very odd place in the Bible to struggle with. It's such a lovely picture of God's love and forgiveness. You can't seem to ever get that image of the Father searching for His Son and running to meet him while he was still "a long ways off." I love love love those parts of the story.

However, there's a whole other aspect of the story that often gets overlooked--the older brother. At times, my heart really goes out to the guy. Here he is, doing what "he's supposed to" and yet he feels like he isn't quite as loved as his younger counterpart who went off and squandered everything. I have to catch myself before I get all defensive of the older brother, recognizing that he had issues with pride and self-righteousness. He was just as sinful as the younger brother but didn't realize his faults. (I think I struggle in part b/c I relate WAY more to the older guy than the younger. I've never been the rebellious, squander your inheritance kind of girl! :))

This weekend I had a different perspective on him than I ever have before (thank You Holy Spirit). All of a sudden, the question hit me: "Where was the older brother when the younger brother ran off?" Was he just going about his day to day routine as usual while his father went out to the road every day to look for the brother's return? Did he try to wipe the memory of his younger brother from his mind? How did he cope?

I have never had a brother before, but I can imagine that "sibling-hood" comes with some sort of responsibility towards each other. There are family ties that cannot be broken. You see siblings sticking up for each other all the time. One of them gets bullied on the bus. The other one comes to their aid. One of them gets thrown in jail. Another is there to bail them out. So, where was this older brother? The younger one finds himself in dire straights (due to his own choices, mind you, but dire nonetheless) and we have no idea what the older brother is up to. Did he not feel compelled to go searching for his brother and "set him straight?" Where was the older brother to bail him out?

Lately, I have been thinking about my own obligations to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Just like the older brother, too many times I have watched my siblings "squander their inheritance." Too many times have they wasted away gifts, talents, and pieces of themselves while I sat by and went about my daily life. Sure, sometimes I may have said some prayers or felt some concern, even said a few words, but what did I do? Did I follow my Father's example and go stand out in the road anxiously awaiting their return? Did I go out searching for them so that I could help them find their way back?

So easily we can get caught up in "our Father's businesss" that we neglect to recognize the obligation we have towards one another. We get caught up in living the "good Christian life" and feel like it's not our business to get involved. So, we don't go out to the pigsty where our brothers and sisters are starving. We don't stand and anxiously wait for their return home, searching, calling and admonishing them to come back. The end result is that our siblings are suffering and we are too. Our sins of pride and self-reliance are just as destructive as our younger brothers'. We wait at home thinking that eventually they will figure it out and find their way back. What if we risked getting a little messy and went out to look for them instead? I wonder what would happen then...

what type of disciple are you?

Today in church we were discussing the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. For those of you who may not be familar, the story of Mary and Martha is goes like this...

Martha invited Jesus to stay at their house when He was passing through their village. Her sister Mary is sitting in the living room at Jesus' feet, listening to Him talk. Meanwhile, Martha is busy in the kitchen trying to make all the preparations for His stay. Martha comes to Jesus and asks if He would tell Mary to get up and give her a hand. Well, instead of Jesus commending Martha for her hard work, He commends Mary for choosing what was most important--sitting at His feet.

I started thinking about how recently I've been very "Martha-like." Right now, I'm at a point of really wrestling with what God may have in store for me for the rest of my life. I want to know my "calling" and what I should be doing with my life long-term. Where will I be in 10 years? How can I best serve His kingdom with my gifts, skills, and passions? Well, I recognized that a lot of my questions were about me. Although I want to serve Jesus and ultimately be doing what He wants me to, the questions in themselves are about ME. What should I be doing? Where should I be going? Like Martha, I have been "anxious about many things" and perhaps neglected the One thing that is most important--sitting at the feet of Christ.

After thinking about my "Martha tendencies," I began to think about what kind of disciple I would be like if I lived in Jesus' time. You have Peter who put his foot in his mouth a lot. Then there's the infamous "doubting Thomas." John was the disciple whom Jesus loved. What would I go down in history as? Well, I decided that if I were to be appointed the 13th disciple, I probably would've been known as Cara the planner. I would have been the one that was portrayed as trying to keep Jesus on top of His agenda. As soon as I learned that Jesus had a purpose to fulfill, I would've been right there with the planner and timeline making sure He got it all done. The problem is that my focus would've been in the completely wrong place. First of all, Jesus doesn't need anyone to help keep Him in check. :) Secondly, my mindset can't be on the task at hand, but the One who is above all of it. The tasks at hand may be important, but they aren't the "end all, be all"--Jesus is.

So, let us sit at His feet and remember the things that are most important--the "good portion that cannot be taken away from us."

What type of disciple would you be?

reflections...

Ever have one of those days were certain themes just seem to echo throughout? This morning I read John 4 and the story of the Woman at the Well. I was struck by how she gets so caught up in certain aspects of her conversation with Jesus that she almost missed the big picture. She had a very clear need: She had been living an unfulfilling life, bouncing around from one guy to the next. She was given a very specific promise: Christ would satisfy her and fill her with streams of living water. And she almost got really caught up in a Jew vs. Samaritan theological debate about where the best place for worship is instead of recognizing the Messiah right in front of her. (Thank goodness Jesus is gracious and she finally gets it!)

Later, at work one of my co-workers is telling me about her friend who is struggling right now. Her friend recognizes that Jesus is the only way and believes the truth about certain aspects of God. Yet, she is so caught up in her own life and desires that she is afraid to surrender. Yet again, we have a very clear need and a very specific promise...but the nitty gritty is getting in the way of the big picture. Her friend is so caught up in the specifics (which are for her what she might lose by becoming a Christian) that she neglects to see the living water that is offered right in front of her.

Tonight I read Augustine and this passage stood out to me:
"'Return, sinners, to your heart' (Isaiah 46:8) and adhere to Him who made you. Stand with Him and you will stand fast. Rest in Him and you will be at rest. Whear ater you going along rough paths? What is the goal of your journey? The good which you love (the earthly pleasures, things, relationships, etc) is from him. But it is only as it is related to Him that it is good and sweet. Otherwise it will justly become bitter; for all that comes from Him is unjulstly loved if He has been abandoned. With what end in view do you again and again walk along difficult and laborious paths? There is no rest where you seek for it. Seek for what you seek, but it is not where you are looking for it. You seek the happy life in the region of death; it is not there. How can there be a happy life where there is not even life?"

How can the good really be all that good without Him? For those of us who have "tasted and seen" we recognize that all the pleasures in the world amount nothing in comparison to Christ.

Taking What I Want...

I recently read 2 of the books from the series by Stieg Larsson, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” After reading some of the books, I decided to watch the first movie. (FYI—I am not recommending this movie per se. It is very violent and graphic if you decide to check it out). There was an interesting line that struck me towards the end of the movie. A guy who was a murderer and a rapist was asked why he killed innocent women. He responded back with a striking comment—“I was just doing what every man wants to do—to have exactly what he wants.”

Interesting motive. He was just taking “what he wanted.” And after all, this is every man’s dream? Although it really disgusted me at the time, I realized that what he said was true in one sense. Every man (and woman) at the core of our beings has a desire to “have” what we want.

I thought back to Adam and Eve in the Garden. Wasn’t that their desire as well? “You can eat of any tree except…” And what did they do? They weren’t satisfied with all the other trees in the Garden. They had to “have” the one that they wanted.

Augustine reflected on one aspect of this in his book "Confessions." I happened to read this section right after I watched the movie. Let’s see what he has to say…

“So the soul fornicates (Ps. 72:27) when it is turned away from you and seeks
outside you the pure and clear intentions which are not to be found except by
returning to you. In their perverted way all humanity imitates you.
Yet they put themselves at a distance from you and exalt themselves against
you. But even by thus imitating you they acknowledge that you are the
Creator of all nature and so concede that there is no place where one can
entirely escape from you…Was it possible to take pleasure in what was illicit
for no reason other than it was not allowed?”

Augustine is reflecting upon a time in his youth when he and his friends stole a bunch of pears (comparable to breaking into a video game store in our day :)). His act of stealing was a way of “imitating God.” He acknowledges that as humans we take pleasure in “imitating” God—who is all powerful and is over all things. We put ourselves in a position of authority and choose to take what we like. We like to try to exert our autonomy and “freedom,” yet must come to the realization that “there is no place where one can ultimately escape.”

Our “freedom” in taking what we “want,” will only lead to bondage and fear. The man in the movie found this out. I can personally attest to that as well. Freedom apart from God is not freedom at all. The objects that we covet for the “taking” will end up “taking” us instead.

As Paul says in Romans 7: "For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Yes, thanks be to God who rescues us from this body of sin and death!

The Book of Eli

This weekend I watched The Book of Eli for the first time. (As a side note, if you haven't seen the movie yet, don't worry--I won't fill my post with spoilers!) Generally after watching a movie, I don't leave feeling convicted (unless the conviction is for watching the movie to begin with!). However, the Book of Eli was a different story.

For those of you who haven't seen the film, here's a brief synopsis:
The main character Eli, lives in an America that has been destroyed. There was a great war and the land was scorched by the sun. There aren't many people who survived and of those who did, many of them turned to cannibalism to survive. People live off of whatever they can find and as a result society is pretty much non-existent. Eli is in possession of a "very important book," which we discover is the Bible. He feels like it is his purpose in life to survive and transport this book to a safe place. (I'll leave the rest up to you to watch.)

After watching the movie, it hit me how Eli is a representative of every Christ-follower. We have all been given an important task--to be Christ's ambassadors and carry His truth to this world. We are all carriers of His Word and light. Sure, we don't live in as dire circumstances as Eli. Or do we? Are we just as disease-ridden and desperate as people were in his time? It's probably safe to say "yes." In our culture, our disease is comfort. Our desperation comes as a result of recognizing our over-pleasuring, over-filling, and over-quenching never left us satisfied. Our needs are the same.

So, what do we do? Do we recognize the reality of our situation and choose to obediently carry this truth to a lost and dying world? Or do we sit back and think that everything's "alright?" Are we compelled to do whatever it takes to fulfill God's call and purpose? Or do we get lost in opulence and comfort, therefore, refusing to recognize the dire circumstances we are all in?

I don't know about you guys, but I want to be an Eli. I want to be resolute and focused on the task at hand. I want to be a soldier in Christ's army, carrying light, love, and Truth. I don't want to get so lost in what I "see" that I neglect to truly see what is going on around me. My hope is that I can be faithful to the commission given to me so that at the end of the journey, I can resonate with Paul's words in 1st Timothy--"I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (1 Timothy 4:7)

greenbacks

This morning at church my Pastor gave a sermon called "Money Talks." It was different than any other "money" sermon I have ever heard before. He actually brought $10,000 on stage and asked questions of this pile of cash...and unbelievably, the money answered! (Thanks to the help of a guy backstage, of course.) I never thought I'd hear $10,000 talk to me from the church pulpit. It was a little freaky! Anyways, aside from the creativity, it's always interesting to talk about money. There's nothing like mentioning this commodity to make us squirm and start reaching for our wallet to ensure it's safety. However, it's also one of the easiest ways to bring about conviction and self-examination.

Money can easily be viewed as one of, if not "the" most important things in the world. Even for Christians this can be true. We work so hard to get it and then so easily let it go. So much of our effort and time is spent around it. If you want to bless or curse someone--"money" is your guy. Somehow the wallet gets our attention every time. Ever notice how it takes nothing but an unexpected car repair, or a bill in the mail to cause us to utter the cry of, "God help us!" With so much power wrapped up in something, there's the potential for both harm or good to come as a result.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm hoping for the "good" out of that equation! I want my attitude towards money to be one of gratitude and generosity. I would hope my actions would also reflect this. (I have a LONG way to go!) Money is a tool that can be used to benefit so many.

I pray that as I learn to live as "salt and light" in this world, that my money would also serve as that portrayal. May I not get caught up in the world's attitude towards money that I neglect to view it as just another gift to be used for the kingdom.

truth in love

Lately I have been wrestling with what does it mean to "speak the truth in love?"

We live in a world where truth is relative and everyone has their right to believe whatever they want. As a result, there are moments when as a Church we have neglected to call out certain truths for what they are. There seems to be such tension between trying not to judge and erring on the side of people-pleasing instead.

I fall into this trap myself. I'm generally a laid-back, non-confrontational type. So, if someone were to be wearing a paper sack for a hat and ask me what I thought about their new look, I might respond by saying, "I'm not sure that it accentuates your best features." Whereas, others might come out and say, "You look like an idiot." :) So, when it comes to "speaking the truth in love," in the past I have been at times overly cautious and focused more on the "loving" part of that statement versus "speaking the truth."

What do we do with this when it comes to the Gospel or God's word? ALWAYS our motivation must be from a place of love. This means, we don't speak until our hearts are in the right place. It means we take a step back and put ourselves in others' shoes. It also means that we rely upon God and allow Him to speak through us.

However, there is a time to speak. The verse wouldn't tell us to speak truth in love if we were never expected to actually speak up. So, how do we do that? And under what context?

A passage from the New Testament came to mind.

In Mark 10:17-22 we see the story of the rich young ruler. He comes to Jesus and asks how he can inherit eternal life. Jesus responds by saying "You know the commandments--do not murder, do not steal..." and the list goes on. The young ruler tells Jesus that he has kept these since he was a kid. The Scriptures tell us something very striking next. The verse says, "Jesus looked at him and LOVED him." Then, Jesus responds by saying "One thing you lack. Go sell everything you have and give it to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." The young man's face falls because he knows he will be unable to do this and he walks away.

Here is a very poignant example of Jesus speaking truth in love. He doesn't shy away from the objective--an invitation to come follow Him. He very clearly lays out what is truth--the requirements laid out in Scripture. Yet, He does so from a very specific and direct motivation--love.

So, how can I follow Christ's example? I am urged to come with an objective to see people come to follow Christ. I can also very clearly lay out truth and Scripture, but first and foremost, my motivation must come from a place of love. I cannot respond out of fear of being disliked. I also cannot respond out of judgment of their actions. I MUST be compelled by love.

where is our truth coming from?

We live in a society that has diminished the importance of truth. It is not politically correct to state that something is "right" or "wrong." You can hardly get anyone to own up to truth's existence, much less believe in it. All things are relative and left up to the discretion of the individual.

Yet, at the same time, we live in a society that searches for meaning and experience. We want to "be informed" and "be in the know." We follow blogs and watch "reality" tv. We submerge ourselves into the stories of others and procclaim, "now that's REAL!" So, in essence, we are not denying the existence of truth, but confirming that truth is in what we feel vs what we know.

A Madonna line in her song "Bedtime Story" goes like this: "words are useless, especially sentences, they don't stand for anything, how can they explain how I feel?" The experience, the feeling, has become the ultimatum. Words and knowlege have been surpassed.

This is a very scary place to be. In the past, we turned to the "experts" to inform us. We were led by institutions, our parents, the Church, or our leaders. We were driven by concepts such as loyalty, pride, patriotism, and devotion to country, church, and family. Although that is not a perfect system and has many flaws, we have gone in the completely opposite direction. Instead of turning to these experts to tell us what we should know, we rely upon our own individual experiences. I don't know about you, but my individual experiences are flawed as well. Let me share an example:

Since I live in the Chicago suburbs, I enjoy going downtown on occasion. One day I may decide to go to the city and have a wonderful time. I then determine based on my experience that the city is a lovely place and well worth my time there. However, if I were to be given the same exact circumstances the next weekend--even complete with the same great weather, the same companions, same restaurants and sites--I may have a COMPLETELY different experience. After that weekend, I may determine that the city is a trash heap and not worth my effort. It all depends on the state I am in in any given moment.

This is why experience as truth is a disaster. No one experiences things the same, so there would never be a universal belief. Even if I left it up to myself to decide, my mind may change on any given day based on how I feel. This negates the definition of truth in itself. Truth is something that is long-lasting and stands the test of time. It doesn't change or falter with the latest opinion poll or research finding. It isn't defined by those who percieve it. It just is in and of itself.

So, I have to ask myself, "where am I getting my truth?" I am certain that I don't want to base my life around the words of Madonna or the latest Tweet by Ashton Kutcher or even what they tell me on Fox News. How bout you?

a year in review

So, it has officially been a year since I moved to the Land of Lincoln. What have I learned? Hmm...let me try to summarize...

-Midwesterners prefer to be called "midwesterners," not "yankees." :)
-Although the Chicago accent can be quite nasaly, it can be gotten used to.
-Winters suck!
-People up here don't drive trucks. In a place where it snows 12 inches at one time, you would think the contrary.
-Illinois-ians can actually be quite friendly--especially in the suburbs. However, don't get in their way on the road. "Aggressive, aggressive, aggressive" is their motto.
-Hills are pretty non-existent, so forget mountains. However, there are some very pretty prairie lands.
-Winters suck!
-Chacos are a rare treasure. When you find someone wearing them, you automatically become BFF.
-Killer mosquitoes live here. One night in the course of 30 minutes, I somehow achieved 15 bites!
-Great places to lay out in the sun are few and far between. The Illinois version of me is much whiter.
-Did I mention winters suck???

To be continued. Deeper life lessons to follow....

sacrificing our children

Ezekiel 16:21: "You slaughtered my children and sacrificed them to the idols."

Everytime I read of child sacrifice in the Old Testament, I cringe. When I think back to the history of the Israelites, I can't help but think how barbaric some of the customs were during that time. In Leviticus God had to give a specific command to the Israelites not to sacrifice their children to the god Molech. I mean, a specific order was needed not to kill your kids in the name of religion? It seems a little extreme to me. Yet, the nations that were surrounding the children of Israel were given such an influence that the Israelites found themselves doing just that. They got caught up in the cultural rituals and the worship of other gods--to the point of sacrificing their own offspring.

In today's time, it's hard for us to imagine such a thing. We seem to have advanced "above" such practices. Yet, when I went to China in 2005, I heard stories of families who would leave their unwanted deformed or handicapped (or female)babies out in the cold to die of exposure. I couldn't believe that went on in the world that we live in. Those are ancient practices, barbaric rituals of the past, right? How could this possibly go on in our advanced society? Yet, in the work I do with crisis pregnancies, I recognize that is far from the truth.

Every day the counselors in my office sit across from women who participate in the same rituals the Israelites did so long ago. They find themselves sacrificing their children, but it is given a different name these days. Now, it is called abortion.

These children are placed on the altar of selfishness, resources, timing, income, relationships, etc. These children are sacrificed to idols that our society has erected and our cultural influences have deemed "politically correct." These women are prasied for placing their children there and are then left utterly alone to pick up the pieces from their choice.

When I come face to face with women who are I am burdened for these women and the influences that have played a part in their decision. I am burdened for these children who were never given a chance. I hope that one day we can awaken to the reality of our situation and recognize the altars we have erected. For some it will have already been too late....

So, yes, as a society have have advanced leaps and bounds. Yet, throughout history some patterns seem to never change. Although it's very easy for me to look at Israel and stand in judgement of all their choices, I recognize that I am no different. I struggle with the same issues that they did; they just take a different form. I fight the same influences each day; they just aren't in the shape of graven images or false idols. They come in concepts and desires, influences and relationships. They are dangerous, sneaky, and lethal, sometimes disguising themselves as good, light, and true. It requires diligence, discernment, and strength.

Ephesians 5:10-14: "For you once were in darkness but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light...have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them...everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. That is why it is said: 'Wake up O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'"

Book Review: "Princess"

I recently read a book entitled "Princess: A True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia." It was recommended by a man who came to do a training at work on Muslims. I was curious to read this real-life recount of Muslim culture expressed in the Middle East. What I didn't realize was how much it would impact me.

I walked away from reading this book feeling like I had taken a peek inside the life of "Sultana," a Saudi Arabian royal princess. That peek left me feeling burdened for the women who are forced to live behind the veil. Sultana's life was filled with luxury and privilege, yet she was in bondage and unfulfilled.

Women in Saudi Arabia are treated as second-class citizens, with the cultural preference always being given to males. Women are forced to be completely veiled upon the time of their first menstruation. They may be given in marriage at any point after that and there is no age limit on the husband they may be married to. In Saudi Arabian society, if women rebel and commit any form of impropriety by violating Sharia law (Islamic regulations), they may be stoned, drowned, or placed in a darkened locked room for the remainder of their lives by their family members. (to find out more about Saudi Arabian laws for women there are several sites on the Internet)

Unfortunately, some of Sultana's friends find out the reality of these consequences. To hear the stories of these women's lives will leave you forever impacted.

Now, after the book is read and the last page is turned, I couldn't help but ask myself, "What can I do?" Sultana hired the author of this book, Jean Sasson, write her story for her. She hoped that someone would read it and the real lives of Saudi Arabian women would be exposed to the world. That was in 1995. Fifteen years later I'm not convinced that much has changed. I watched a special on the news recently of a reporter who traveled to Saudi Arabia this year. She observed that at the hotel she was staying at only the men were allowed to swim. While the men were splashing around in their swim trunks, their wives, who were veiled from head to toe in the sweltering Middle Eastern heat, merely dipped their toes in the water. Perhaps these were more Sultanas aching for their story to be heard as well.

With that said, what can I practically do to help? Here I am in suburban America, thousands of miles away both physically and mentally. I won't be booking any flights to Saudi Arabia anytime soon, yet does that keep me from doing something about it? I know that I won't ever fully be able to understand the culture or the implications of it all, but I can't seem to shake Sultana's story.

The last thing I want to do is to rush in with my "American Savior" mentality, seeking to rescue the women and push my cultural influences on them. So often we think we as Westerners know better, when perhaps there are several ways of bringing about change (and it doesn't necessarily mean ours is the best!). Yet, at the same time, I don't want to be immobilized by this thought and refuse to do anything altogether. Ideally, I would love to see the Saudi women rise up and bring about change amongst themselves. The most effective cultural shifts come from within.

So, how do I incorporate both of these--self-discipline to not "come to the rescue" while not forfeiting my momentum to see change brought to these women?

I think the best yet most simplistic answer is prayer. Although I can't rush over to Saudi Arabia right now, I can lift these women up to in prayer at any moment. I serve a God who is ever-present and hears the cries of His people. He sees the oppressed and broken and is able to lift them up. He is able to bring about change when all seems lost. This is the easiest yet most powerful way that I can reach out to help.

The second way that I can "do something" is to raise awareness. Before I read this book, I had no idea what was going on in Saudi Arabia. Since then, my knowledge has helped shape my understanding. Recently, I ran across an article in the news about an Iranian woman who is sentenced to be stoned to death any day now. Iran operates under some of the same Sharia laws as Saudi Arabia. The Western world has protested the stoning due to the fact that the woman was previously punished and later seemingly unjustly charged with the stoning offence. (See http://www1.voanews.com/english/news/middle-east/Irans-Judiciary-Halts-Stoning-of-Woman-For-Now-98203444.html for more info) I can't help but wonder if this would be happening if the suspect was a man.

In the end, what can I do? Pray and spread the word. Talk to people about meaningful things--injustice, oppression, need. Sultana would perhaps be proud that her story still affects people 15 years later. I try not to think about the possibility that she may be disappointed at how little things have changed so far. She risked her life to share it with others...what am I willing to do in exchange?

"In our hearts, Lord, in this nation
Awakening
Holy Spirit, we desire
Awakening

For You and You alone
Awake my soul, awake my soul and sing
For the world You love
Your will be done, let Your will be done in me"

These are the lyrics to a Chris Tomlin song called "Awakening." Tonight I decided to listen to the Passion Awakening CD and this was the first song that popped up. I couldn't help but resonate with these words.

It seems like God has been stirring up something within me. I don't want to be satisfied with mediocrity. Even more, I don't want to be satisfied with just being "good." I want something deeper. I want to be part of a grand plan. I don't want to just settle for comfort or ease.

I'm not sure what all the implications may be, but I know that it won't be easy. Yet, although it may be a difficult road to walk, it will be a beautiful one. And I'm excited about the journey!

lessons from David

Lately, I have been reading through some of the Old Testament. There are certain parts of the Bible that I have re-read several times--Judges, 1 & 2 Samuel usually aren't included in that list! So, I have been journeying back through some of those less-read books. I just finished 2 Samuel last night and today I can't seem to get the closing lines out of my head. You know when you finish watching a movie and the characters or quotes just seem to linger with you? That's where I'm at right now.

Let me give you a little background. Here's what went down:
God spoke through a prophet to David, telling him to build an altar to on a threshing floor that happened to be owned by another man. So, David goes to visit this man and asks to buy his land that the threshing floor is located on. Since David is the king and he is coming with such a noble purpose of building an altar to God, the man offers to give David the land for free (I mean, who doesn't offer to give the king anything he asks for...especially if he's known for being an expert warrior!) Yet, David refuses his offer. Instead, he replies, "...I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing." So, he gives the guy some money for the land and some of his oxen and there the altar is errected and the burnt offering made. And the story ends happily ever after...or at least a plague that had been hitting up Israel was averted.

So, here I am, finishing up this book and I am left with it lingering in my head. Just like those famous quotes of "Hasta la vista, baby" or "Life is like a box of chocolates," I can't seem to get over David's starring line. At the close of the book, he rolls in with something that just keeps running over and over... "I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing."

And I'm left feeling the same as if I had just watched an epic film. I am gripped with the honesty, character and loyalty of the main character. I not only enjoyed the journey of reading the details of his life, but I want to emmulate him. I am compelled to be the person that says, "I will not offer God something that cost me absolutely nothing."

Yet, how difficult is that for me to do? I honestly don't encounter that much sacrifice on a daily basis. I live in a society of convenience and prosperity. Even my faith is filled with comfort and ease. To contrast this, I look at David's time. At the close of 2 Samuel, David and his people had just endured a plague that cost them a lot of lives. Yet, despite the state he was in, he still wanted to give an offering that came with a price. How much more difficult is it for me to do the same?

Not only does this Old Testament passage challenge me, but I look to the New Testament and the words of Christ as well. In Luke 14, He says: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple...any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple."

Those are tough words to swallow. Although, I don't believe Jesus is asking us to loathe everyone we come in contact with, I believe that He is calling us to give all we are to Him. Our love for friends, family, job, things, and even life itself should pale in comparison to our love for Him. The love that we exhibit to Christ should be so great that it would seem like our love for anything else would resemble hate. And that is an offering that costs something.

Can I live up to the challenge? Honestly, no. I get used to things being easy. Yet, by God's grace and the nudging of His Holy Spirit, He is calling me to something deeper. To get there, it's going to cost me something. It may be time, it may be money, it may be pieces of myself that I want to hold on to....it could be any number of things. But one thing I know is this--I want to offer myself to God because He has offered Himself to me. He has already paid the cost for the offering by giving His life. That compels me to give my own. His sacrifice did not just cost Him something, it costs Him everything...and He compels us to do the same.

"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." Luke 9:24

asking the right questions

So, someone got onto me for not updating my blog....sorry about that! Here is a post to appease the masses! :)

Lately, I have been challenged about "asking the right questions." Recently, I took a quick trip home to TN to visit my Dad who had back surgery last week. During my 9+hour ride in the car, I listened to a sermon series called "It's Personal" by Andy Stanley. (It was a very interesting series and I would definitely recommend it.) During one of his sermons he used the text from Matthew 18:1-4 where the disciples ask about which one of them will be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

In this passage, the disciples came to Jesus with a very important question...or at least so they thought. At the time, the disciples believed Jesus was going to take over the Roman Empire and be the reigning King. He would come in with military power and establish an earthly kingdom where he would rule with authority. With this thought in mind, they were curious as to which disciple might be most favored in the future reign. They wanted to know who would sit at His right hand and serve alongside Him. (Basically, they were asking, "Who is your favorite? There has to be a Teacher's pet, right?")

As usual, Jesus responded to them with something they weren't quite expecting. He didn't call someone's name out or even scold them for asking such a question. Instead, He placed a little child in front of them and said, "whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

The disciples were trying. They didn't always have things right and sometimes they didn't even have the purest of intentions. However, they got the chance to live and walk alongside Jesus Christ. (What a privelege!) So, if those who saw Him tangibly can screw things up so royally, how much more am I capable of?!

Looking at this passage challenges me to seek to ask the right questions. Just like the disciples, I want answers that will appease me. I want to know "why this?" or "what's that?" when it comes to the Kingdom and its Ruler. Yet, I have to ask myself, are those the right questions? Is my focus in the right place? I wonder how different Jesus' response might have been if the disciples asked, "How can we best serve Your kingdom?" Or "What can we do to help establish it in this place?"

So, although, I know I will continue to ask a lot of "wrong" questions, I'm extremely grateful to serve a God that takes time to place a lesson in front of me and gives me grace to try again. And try again I will...

life update

i'm sure some of you are curious how chicago has been treating me lately...well, i will try to give you a mini-update.

first of all, i moved here under the pretense that i would be working as an Assistant Director of Counseling at a pregnancy center. i didn't realize at the time i was hired that my boss, the Director of Counseling, would soon be taking a 3 month maternity leave. so, i hit the ground running--learning my job as well as hers. then, we lost one of our employees unexpectedly. another one had a baby. so, we're running 3 pregnancy centers with a skeleton staff. and...by the way, another person is leaving soon. wow. that's a lot of change since August! (by the way, i work at a lovely place of employment--please don't think all these people are leaving b/c it's horrible!)

so, needless to say, i have learned a lot professionally...and it's only just begun. i have been forced to think outside of the box and be resourceful. i have tried to navigate a lack of resources and done my best to keep us afloat. everyone has pitched in and made it a team effort. i am so grateful to work with such gracious women of God!

i guess you could say that professionally, i've gotten a crash course in non-profit work. personally, i've had my own crashes to deal with as well! i have had to adjust to a new way of living and a new city. i have sought to build friendships and find community...while not losing the ones i already have. i have gone church-shopping and service-hopping. i have been challenged relationally, theologically, and emotionally. wow. that's a lot of change since August!

however, through all of this, i am blessed because i know i am learning...and hopefully changing for the better! change is a wonderful, painfully beautiful catalyst...a surgeon's scalpel at times, but one that helps remove some of the cancers of our lives (or at least forces us to wake up to the reality that they are there).

so, that's just a small slice of where i've been over the past 8 mos. i'm sure there's even more ahead for me to look forward to! thanks for all of you who have prayed for me or supported me through this process. i am so grateful for you.

rants continued

sorry for the sudden end to my last post. the 5:00 whistle blew before i knew it!

back to my thoughts on our "promiscuous culture".....

i lament over the pervasiveness of our cultural attitudes towards sex. hook-ups are not only commonplace, but expected. women are now supposed to be "just like men" in all aspects of life, including their sexuality. if a woman wants to attach after having sex, she is needy and undesireable. don't expect him to call. don't get emotionally involved. keep it casual and fun.

yet, didn't God design sex for bonding us together? it seems like we try so hard to fight some of our created intents. physiologically our bodies release a hormone called oxytocin every time we have sexual contact. that chemical is the same one that is released when mothers breastfeed. it serves as a bonding agent, creating a sense of trust and safety. so, although, try as we might to "detach," somehow, our bodies have an agenda of their own. (looks like God wanted it that way) so, here we are, allowing our "desires" and "impulses" to rule....yet, finding that there are other impulses (i.e. bonding) that we would rather stifle. we can't have it both ways....

just like our desire for freedom of sexual expression for everyone--it all has a price. we try to break roles and expectations, yet we still find ourselves following culture. somehow our attempt to free ourselves has caused more bondage than we expected.

rants

so, recently i read a book called "girls gone mild" by wendy shalit. yes, as you can tell it's a take on "girls gone wild," and let me tell ya, it's anything but. wendy (a jewish 30-something) seeks to point out the need for modesty and respect in a culture permeated with sexual messages. she shares examples of how our children are influenced by these messages from an early age. everything from Bratz dolls to Abercrombie and Fitch are speaking into the lives of our children, telling them that in order to be accepted you have to be "hott," "sexy," "playful," and "fun." i was enraged. sure, i knew that we live in a very sexualized culture that wrecks havoc on the minds of our children, but i didn't realize the extent to which this occurs. blame it on the fact that i live in a bubble sometimes...

that brings us to the issues of today. it looks like here in the 21st century, we are reaping what we have sown. our parents' generation, the baby boomers, brought on the "sexual revolution." they were huge proponenets of femnism, freedom of sexual expression, and fighting the rigid expectations placed upon them at that time. yet, what do we have 50 years later? STDs, broken marriages, and sexual issues out the wazu. not to mention the goal of "freedom" for women has actually created the opposite effect. once, women were expected to be beautiful homemakers and the perfect wives. they were asked to have dinner on the table and to fulfill a role of submission to their husbands and families. their life was in the home...not out in the workforce or on the battlefield. we have come a long way.

yet, now in 2010, we ask women to be the "bad girls," to be appealing to men sexually, and to use this avenue as power. a woman is expected to go to work and to be successful. she is looked down upon if she decides to "stay home" or live a modest lifestyle. is this not as much oppressive as the first time around? women are still expected to fulfill certain "standards"....the only difference is that the morality of the matter is now erased. the value we place on the new standard is in the "lack of morals," rather than on the inclusion of them. it is just as important to us to erradicate all moral expectations as it was for those living in the 50's to incorporate morality. it's just a matter of what we value most. looks like we value anti-morality. hmm...seems like we have a problem.

this is only the tip of the ice berg. i'll be back later for more thoughts....stay tuned...

lessons from the tree

since i moved to chicago i have become a parent to my first plant. (gotta start somewhere, right?) i remember having a conversation with my boss in august, explaining that i had never owned a plant before and that i wanted to try my hand at it. well, a couple of days later i walk into my office to find a little potted tree with a note attached from my boss. that was the day i owned my first plant.
i have already learned a lot from this little tree. to make a long story short, i had to take my plant home for a while during my training at work. then, a couple of months ago, i decided it was time to bring it back to my office. well, since i am a new 'plant mom,' i didn't really think about the fact that it was 5 degrees outside that morning. (and i decided it was a great day for a starbucks run before work!) so, needless to say, by the time i brought my little tree back to its home, it was droopy and very sad looking. soon, every single leaf fell off and all that was left was the trunk and a few branches. i felt like a failure. yet, for some reason i held out hope that it could come back.
and come back it did. i began to see green buds forming at the end of the branches and eventually a few green leaves formed. now, there are officially 5 sets of leaves and more are forming as we speak. i am so glad that i didn't kill off my first attempt at plant ownership---and i have learned my lesson about transporting greenery during chicago winters!
however, this little guy has not only taught me a lot about foliage, but about lessons about life as well. see, just like my plant, we as humans go through periods of "shock." we aren't prepared for the conditions and we find ourselves wilting away as a result. perhaps it is an unplanned loss, or a crisis of some sort, and before we know it, we feel as if the life is sucked out of us. yet, even when all the external signs say that this is the case--inside of us hope rests under the surface. although we can't see it at the time, new life is forming. it may not look the same as it once did, and it may take a while to break through the exterior...but it is coming.
my plant can attest to that...and so can i.
"forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
see I am doing a new thing!
now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
i am making a way in the desert
and springs in the wasteland." isaiah 43:18-19

trimming the kudzu

so, for those of you who don't know, i work at a non-profit crisis pregnancy center. we see many clients who are facing a crisis or unplanned pregnancy. through my work here, i have come face to face with the HUGE need for the issue of female sexuality to be addressed in our culture.

it takes the shape of a 19 year old girl who came to me for STD information. she had felt out of place in her friend group b/c she was the only one who had not had sex. now, she has contracted a STD.

it takes the form of the 17 year old girl who professed to a relationship with God, but realized she had searched for love by giving herself sexually to several guys.

it's the girl who has already had 2 abortions by age 16 and is facing yet another pregnancy. yet, she has no job, no life skills, and no steady boyfriend to support her.

these are just a few of the real-life stories that i have come across in the past few months, and this only scratches the surface. women all over america are faced with issues of sexuality from as young as elementary school. what can be done to help address this issue?

recently, i re-read "reviving ophelia" by mary pipher. it's a book that discusses the influences on adolescent females and the changes that take place as they leave childhood behind. although, it's a little outdated (written in the 90's), i couldn't help but come to recognize some of the greater issues plaguing our women today--the loss of "true self" in an effort to fit in, the issues of sexuality, the role that culture and the media play, the influences of peer group...and the list goes on. when i look at our work at the pregnancy center i can only believe that we are merely conducting damage control. although we are able to help a client through a crisis situation, we aren't equipping them to combat all of these influences. we are merely "triage." and although this is the role we are called to play, i can't help but wonder if there's something that can be done to address some of the larger causes.

i feel like we're merely cutting the leaves off of a kudzu of culture in our attempt to keep the parasitic plant from spreading.

yet, when i become overwhelmed at all of the horrible messages that are being sent to women today...when i can't seem to figure out a way to even begin addressing all of the issues, i am reminded of the power of prayer. in my 45 minutes spent with a client, i can only hope to share some truth and empower her to make better choices, yet God is able to do take my efforts and multiply them. He is bigger than all of the issues. His power is greater than the influences. And He is not bound by culture's restrictions. the only way the kudzu will be tamed is through His strength--God's holy fire clearing the path. He has called you and me to be a part of that process--to speak truth into a broken world, to bind the wounds of the damaged, and to be the "triage" and hands of healing as long as we are able.

when i am consumed by contempt for our loss of values or overwhelmed by the excessive grasp of our culture, i am reminded of His power...and I am grateful that i serve a God that is "able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than i can ever ask or imagine."