walking montage

lessons from Tolkien

2011-09-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

ever feel like you're behind in life? recently, i've been reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy. if you haven't done any background reading on J.R.R Tolkien, he seems like a remarkable guy. he was orphaned by age 12 and still managed to graduate from Oxford with honors. he became a professor, husband, and father of 4 children. on top of all that, he managed to write some incredible books, poetry...and LANGUAGES (did i mention that he made up languages??).

looking at a life like his, i can't help but feel that mine is so....small. sure, i go to work and contribute to society. i have wonderful family and friends that i connect with. but what am i actually doing with the time that i have been given? i'm definitely not sitting around writing trilogies or making up elvish languages (not that i should be...b/c i would do an awful job at that!).

all that to say, i recognize that i could make more meaningful choices with my time. the people that we think of as the great contributors to culture--musicians, artists, activists, politicians, and religious leaders, didn't just sit around and wait for opportunity to come knocking on their door. they went out and DID something. they practiced, they wrote, they studied. they engaged in the activities that gave them passion and drive. they knocked on doors, worked late hours, and spread the word about what they were doing. they offered up what they had.

so, how do i follow in their footsteps? well, it starts with movement--making changes, getting creative, and doing SOMETHING. although i don't plan on writing any fantasy novels anytime soon or developing a foreign language for a people group that doesn't exist (sorry if you believe otherwise), i can definitely still create something that will leave an impact.

time is a tickin', so i best get crackin'....

Paul in my Pocket

2011-09-12T19:01:00.000-07:00

tonight i was preparing for a Bible study on the first chapter of the book of Galatians. i must admit that i've never done an in-depth study on Galatians before. sure, i've read the book, but i've never really DUG IN. so, tonight (procrastination) i started looking at the historical context and commentaries on the first chapter. (side note, if anyone has any thoughts on the first chapter of Galatians feel free to pass them along before tomorrow night at 7:30 pm. :))

all that to say, i was really struck by one thought. Paul wrote this book with the intent of rebuking the Galatians for getting swept away in false doctrine. certain people had infiltrated their ranks and began teaching that in order to become a Christian they needed to be circumcised and follow all the tenants of Judaism. unfortunately, the Galatians actually believed this teaching and were getting caught up in feeling the need to adhere to Mosaic law. Paul came at this topic passionately and began encouraging the Galatians to get back to the true Gospel--the Gospel of grace that comes through the sacrificial atonement of Christ for our sins.

i read the first chapter feeling convicted. i wasn't convicted that i had attempted to follow all Jewish customs (although i typically don't eat food sacrificed to idols). i wasn't even convicted that i have adhered to false doctrines (although that has definitely happened in my past...i can tell you the story later...). instead, i was convicted over the simple fact that i am not Paul.

in my mind, this galatian false doctrine wasn't a good thing, but it wasn't like some of the other doctrines you see churches believing in the new testament. the galatians weren't engaging in fornication or getting drunk at the Lord's Supper. so, it didn't seem like this doctrine was "bad" in itself. people were trying to "do the right thing." however, Paul didn't become engaged in this argument of good vs bad...he saw the lie for exactly what it was--a method to keep people from a true relationship with Christ. he saw this church getting led astray and stepped in to intervene.

the question i have to ask is, "would i do the same thing?" sure, i get angry at a lot of misperceptions in the world. i even get my feathers ruffled at false doctrines in the Church. i hate it when believers go around believing lies about themselves, God, and the Gospel. BUT would i SAY anything about them? would i first identify the doctrine for what it is, then would i even call out the lie/false teaching/skewed Gospel? would i be so passionate about it that i couldn't help but say something? would i have the hutzpah to actually stand up? i would hope so. yet, have i ever done it before? all i can do is shamefully shake my head...and hope and pray that something changes. so that, perhaps, when push comes to shove, and the time comes when it's needed, i can have the strength to be a little more "Paul-like."

random thoughts of the day...

2011-08-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

maybe it's because i'm an official "adult" now. maybe it's because i've been reading Lord of the Rings. maybe it's because it keeps popping up here and there. or maybe it's simply indigestion.

maybe it's none or all of the above.

seems like the concept of desires and dreams, and refusing to settle for the status quo keeps coming up. perhaps, it's as a result of having more of a routine life. 9-5, Monday through Friday. 2 weeks vacation. the typical American.

maybe it's because i read "Radical" by David Platt. (that book will mess you up.)

9-5 isn't bad. don't get me wrong. it's nice to have structure. it's when the structure becomes the end-all, be-all that things go awry.

the question is, do i still get the "itch?" do i still want to step outside of my home at Bag End? do i sense that there's something "more" out there?

i am a contributor to a larger-functioning kingdom. this kingdom is wild and ever-changing. is my contribution for the advancement of this fiery force? or am i dampening its effects?

i fight the urge to grow complacent and go through the motions. if, for a moment (or several 1,000 moments), i allow myself to indulge in this, i realize that it's not really all that satisfying. there's still a nagging feeling i can't quite get rid of. (thank goodness.) i hope that feeling never goes away. if it does, i am to be pitied, for i have lost my way.

i pray that you get that "itch" too. although it can be uncomfortable and very inconvenient at times, it's what keeps us MOVING. it may require sacrifice (actually, if it's a deep down itch, it probably will), but what's there to gain otherwise? so, relish in the feeling and don't ignore it. if you neglect it long enough, it may eventually disappear. who knows, it may even take a piece of you with it...

so, while there's time, let's open the door and step outside. let's be willing to participate in the journey ahead of us. as Tolkien penned in the Fellowship of the Ring:
"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to."

may we be swept into places where light penetrates darkness, chains that once bound are broken, and lives one enslaved are renewed and set free. here we go...

striking the ground

2011-07-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated! This summer has gotten away from me. I must admit that I am in mourning about the whole thing...I am already dreading the cold winter that will lie ahead. However, until then, there are plenty of 90 degree days full of cookouts, festivals, and fun times ahead!

On to my blog post...

Recently, I have been reading in 2 Kings. Unfortunately, there's not a whole lot that has really jumped off the page at me. At times while I'm reading all the kings start to run together a bit. However, at other times, there have been very clear moments where I've connected with a story and took it to heart. What I am about to share is just one of them. Reading through Israel's struggles and the biographies of her kings is a clear reminder that we're all human and wrestle with sin. We face many of the same issues that they did during that time. If you want some nice entertainment, replace the names of the characters in 2 Kings with Italian mobsters. It reads just like a scene from Godfather...

Well, on to my story, right?? I was reading in 2 Kings 13 about Joash, King of Israel. Now, Joash was an evil king and led Israel astray (as most of them seemingly were). He came to a point in his reign were he felt he was on the verge of defeat. So, doing what most people do when they think they're about to die, he cried out to God. He went to the prophet Elisha and sought help. Elisha told him to take a bow and arrow and shoot it out the window. (Kind of strange, but people have been asked to do weirder things in the Bible...read Jeremiah, for one.) The direction he shot was towards his enemy, symbolizing that he would defeat them. Then, Elisha asked him to take the remaining arrows and strike the ground. Joash responded and struck the ground 3 times. Then, something rather odd happens. Rather than responding positively to Joash, Elisha responds in anger. He tells Joash that he will only defeat his enemy 3 times. Elisha tells him that he should have struck the ground 5 or 6 times b/c then he would have completely defeated them. Instead, Joash has to settle with a minor victory and recognize that his enemy will eventually renew his stronghold against Israel.

This story has always struck me. Maybe because I'm a rule-follower. I tried to put myself in Joash's shoes. Elisha, this man of God in a position of authority tells me to strike the ground. I strike it...maybe even only once. "Hey, I'm just doing what I'm told." I've never been one to get really wrapped up in the moment and go overboard. I can't imagine myself striking and striking and striking til the arrows break or I'm exhausted. So, I respond quietly to Elisha's request, merely striking the ground a time or two. But then I find out that it's not really "following the rules after all." There's a hidden agenda here...God wants to see fervor. Passion. Zeal. A little "over the top-ness." I'm in trouble...

On the other hand, unlike me, Joash was NOT a rule-follower. He did his own thing and didn't obey the voice of God. Sure, he was living "outside the box," but doing so in a way that was unhealthy and destructive to his people. He pursued his own pleasure and led everyone else along his path of destruction with him. What would it have taken for him to exhibit a little abandon when he came to seek God? I'm sure it was not his comfort zone. Sure, he had abandon in other areas of his life, but not when it came to his relationship with God. So, when it came time to strike the ground, he picked the safe number: 3. Not too much. Not too little. But then he found out, that it wasn't quite right...

So, what does that mean for me? Abandon, in the proper respect is not only healthy, but expected. Living with fervor and zest is beneficial...and it not only has implications for my own life, but will ultimately affect those around me. So, when God leads me in a certain direction or asks me to do something for His kingdom (even something as simple as striking the ground), I pray that I can dive in wholeheartedly. May I not stop with simple obedience. May I not choose the "safe" answer. May I respond with enthusiasm and passion as I recognize that my small act may have a much larger impact. Here goes to striking...

^"6Having gifts (faculties, talents, qualities) that differ according to the grace given us, let us use them: [He whose gift is] prophecy, [let him prophesy] according to the proportion of his faith;

⁷[He whose gift is] practical service, let him give himself to serving; he who teaches, to his teaching;

⁸He who exhorts (encourages), to his exhortation; he who contributes, let him do it in simplicity and liberality; he who gives aid and superintends, with zeal and singleness of mind; he who does acts of mercy, with genuine cheerfulness and joyful eagerness." Romans 12: 6-8 (Amplified Bible)

natural vs healthy

2011-06-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

My supervisor adopted a little boy from Haiti a little over a year ago. His story is such a miracle. I can't imagine the joy she must feel to have him at home with her after a very long, drawn-out adoption process. Last month, however, they found themselves in a situation that no one expected.

In every parent's nightmare, they have probably dreamed up this scenario. A very young, inquisitive boy reaches into a drawer in the kitchen. Before anyone knew what was going on, he grabs the scissors. Somehow in the short few seconds, there was an accident where the scissors punctured his face and eye. By the time anyone could catch anything, there was blood everywhere and the little guy was laying on the ground.

At the hospital, they hear really awful news--the scissors affected his retina and his eye leaked a lot of fluid. There is a chance for blindness in the eye with the retina attempting to detach. Surgery is performed to "weigh" the retina down and keep it from trying to remove itself. Also, they are informed that the other eye may begin to become "sympathetic" and attempt to lose vision as well. Nothing for certain will be known for several days. And so begins the waiting period...

After lots of prayer, doctors visits, time spent at the hospital, tons of medication and eye drops, double-casts on both arms, extremely limited movement, and a few surgeries...he is doing wonderfully. He now wears glasses and has a very tiny scar on his cheek. Otherwise, the doctors are in amazement that his retina has held in place and his vision is just fine. He can now return to being a little boy again.

However, thinking about all of this as it was going on, there was something that struck me...

I'm totally not a doctor and know very little about the medical field (blood makes me squeamish), but it seems soooo weird to me that the retina had to be forced NOT to detach. Our bodies are created with such natural healing qualities. If we burn our tongues and lose a few taste buds, soon enough we'll have new ones to replace them. If we get a sunburn and our skin begins to peel, the new layer will be exposed and our skin will heal. If we get an illness, the agents in our body do their best to fight it off and return us back to normal. Yet, in this situation, the body seemed to be the enemy--the one rebelling against the healing process.

The doctor had to go in and physically keep the retina from responding in a way that was not most helpful to the eye. On the other hand, the retina was just doing what it was made to do. When there was stress/injury/destruction, it will respond by detaching.

As a person with a background in counseling, I realized that we as humans, do this ALL THE TIME. We respond in ways that are "natural" to us, but aren't always the most "beneficial." For example, personally, when I feel threatened or attacked in a conflict, I will respond just like the retina--I detach. However, that isn't always the most appropriate or helpful response. For healthy conflict to occur, you have to engage and see it through to the end. Ultimately, that is how you can learn and grow from the process.

We see this happen all around us. Push comes to shove. We're placed in awkward situations. We find ourselves uncomfortable, in pain, or injured. What do we do? We respond out of our natural inclinations. We put walls up. We back off. Or we push away. The list goes on. There are so many ways in which we initially feel compelled to act. Yet, we have to ask, "is this what is most healthy in the long run?" It may feel like the right thing to do for the moment, but ultimately, just like the retina, will we be losing something?

Fortunately, in my boss' situation, her little boy is doing wonderfully. God answered a lot of prayers and the intervention has worked. How about for us? What will keep us from hitting those "blind spots" and responding in the ways that we have always done? Will we recognize that "natural" isn't always most "healthy?"

Will we choose to do something different?

reflections on lent

2011-05-07T19:23:00.000-07:00

So, I realized I never actually finalized my thoughts on my whole "Lent" running experience. If I didn't give a re-cap and share what I learned through it all, I feel like it would be anti-climactic. Therefore, here are my concluding thoughts...

-We always under-estimate what we are truly capable of. If you were to tell me at the beginning of my 40 days that I would be able to run 5 miles by the time it was all said and done, I would have never believed you. However, that is exactly what happened. I have seen this process occur time and time again in my life. From writing excessively long research papers to moving to a new city and starting over again to running a full marathon, I have found myself taking actions I didn't believe I would ever possibly be able to do. Thanks be to God for His strength to carry through the tough times of discipline and perseverance!

-You HAVE to push through sometimes. The initial energy you feel at the onset of a big undertaking will often wane. You can't let yourself get bogged down in the lack of "feeling" or motivation. You absolutely have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I think this comes in to play often in our spiritual walks. Especially in our generation, there is such a disdain for "going through the motions." We want to be motivated by feeling, not obligation. Yet, there are times when we simply have to press forward. In the life of a Christian, there is a need for discipline and regularity because it forces us to continue to move, even when we don't "feel" like it.

-We need to create more "space" in our lives. Running was a time that allowed me to get away. I could think, pray, or just zone out. I listened to music, noticed my surroundings, and could spend time with God. It wasn't always this spiritual emphasis, but there was availability for it to happen. We too often clutter our lives with the material--work, friends, family, and the busyness of life--that we don't leave space for anything else. We need time to get away from the demands of life and just "be."

Overall, I had a very positive Lenten experience this year. It's always nice to place ourselves outside of the usual routine and allow things to get changed up in our lives. Although I would never say that my running experiment was anything symbolic or parallel to Christ's sacrifice in His last 40 days on earth, it definitely was a beneficial instrument in my walk with Him. And as Easter reminds us, it's definitely not over yet! "He who began a good work" in my life is continuing to develop me. So, let the journey continue...

to be known...

2011-04-11T18:26:00.000-07:00

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:11-12

Recently, I was out for a walk and this passage came to mind. "Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." How amazing will it be to be FULLY known? I can't even imagine how wonderful (and utterly scary) it will be to be known for who I truly am. There's such freedom in knowing that God loves me as I am, and that one day when I stand before Him, clothed in the righteousness of Christ, I will be fully known.

Yet, this time, the passage hit me from a different perspective. As amazing as it will be to be "known," how much more incredible will it be for us to fully know God? Right now, I can only know Him as much as my tiny little brain can hold and as much as the Holy Spirit reveals to me in my finite heart. How much does God also desire for himself to be fully known by us?

I thought about any other relationship we may have on this earth. Usually, relationships begin to grow and develop as people learn more about each other. Typically, one person does not hold all the knowledge about the other (that would be called "stalking"). Instead, as each person grows in their insight about the other person, the relationship gets closer. (Unless you learn more and begin to totally dislike what you are finding out!) We all hope that as this relationship develops, it will get stronger when the other person learns more about what makes us tick, how we operate, the things we enjoy, our hopes, desires and dreams. It's a cry of the human heart to be known and loved for who you really are.

Also, in our relationship with God the same could be said. Although He knows EVERYTHING about us, we can only fathom a small amount of the entirety of who He is while we are here on this earth. Does He not desire to be known by us as well? Not only known as much as our pea-sized minds can hold but REALLY known. One day, we will get the opportunity to stand before Him in all of His splendor and experience just that. And as amazing that it will be to be fully known for who we are...how much more incredible will it be to know God for who HE truly is?

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face..."

perfectionist? me? never...

2011-04-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

So, this week my running lesson has been "perfectionism." For those of you who know me, this will probably not come as a surprise. It was bound to happen at some point in this experience. Here's how it all started...

One day this week I decided to work on my running speed. To give you some background here, I have NEVER been a speed runner. These short legs don't have much to offer in that arena! My strength in running always came from my consistency and perseverance. I could build myself up to longer distances over a period of time by plugging away at a slow and steady pace. I typically run a 10 minute mile without fail and really have no qualms about it. Well, this past summer, I decided to see if I could change that. So, I started timing myself on shorter distances, challenging myself to increase my speed each time. My overall goal was to hit an 8:30 mile. And eventually, I made it. It was a fun experiment.

Well, over the course of this lenton experience, I have monitored my speed from time to time as well. There have been a few times I've ran my 2 mile stints, gauging my minutes per mile each way. This week, I wanted to push myself and see how fast I could really go. Well, first mile out: 9 minutes. :( I was a bit disappointed, so I put some more elbow grease into it (or would it be knee grease?) and squeezed out an 8:45 on the way back. Many people would have been excited, even elated, that a month into getting back into running I was able to almost make the same time goal I had when I had been running all summer. However, with me being the perfectionist that I am, that was not the case. Instead, all I could think about was that I was capable of running 8:30. All I needed to do was shave off 15 seconds! 15 teeny tiny seconds kept me from where I wanted to be. Fortunately, I didn't let myself sit in this frustration for very long. I encouraged myself with the facts that I hadn't been running all winter and that 8:45 is a very respectable speed given my situation. In the end, I felt ok about my time. Yet, my initial response told me a lot about how I had perceived the situation deep down.

Those 15 seconds can really get us. Whether it's running, or weight loss, or our career, or grad school, or even our spiritual walks, we can get hung up on those moments where we don't quite meet up to our own expectations. Maybe we don't even realize our expectations are there...until we fail to reconcile them. Then, that's all we can think about. We can't get that little measurement out of our heads. We tell ourselves: "But I'm capable of so much more..." "I can't believe I let that happen..." "If I had only studied more, prepared more, prayed more, etc." It's in those moments we come to the cross-roads. Will we extend ourselves a little grace, get back up on our feet and try again? Or will we allow the frustration and self-pity/doubt to keep us stuck? For me, I'm hitting the pavement again. In the end, I may not do much better than 8:45, but on the other hand, who knows? And I won't ever find out unless I keep trying...

keeping the pavement hot

2011-03-29T21:40:00.000-07:00

"weep for yourself my man, you'll never be what is in your heart.

weep little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start." --mumford and sons

one thing that i've learned through this running experiment is that it's not always easy. (duh, right?) this past week was one such example of that. it seemed like it took everything within me to force myself to get out there and run. then, when i did hit the pavement, i could barely scratch out a mile and a half. it seemed so strange to me that just a week before, i was easily running 3-4 miles. if i had listened to my body and my willpower, i would have just thrown in the towel right then and there. fortunately for me, i committed to finishing this thing out and i kept on moving forward. by the beginning of this week i was able to get back up to 3 miles at a regular pace.

all that to say, unfortunately, i see the same thing happening all around me within the context of the "spiritual race" we're all a part of. i have seen people start out strong and then later on, come to the point where they struggle to put one foot in front of the other (i have experienced this myself as well). at this crucial period is where there's a crossroads--the question is asked: "will you continue to press on through the difficult times or will you throw in the towel altogether?" too many of us give up.

i have seen strong Christian friends come to a point in their lives where they find themselves in a struggle--maybe it's a certain sin they keep tripping up on, or maybe their life circumstances became rather difficult. either way, they feel like the situation they are in was too uncomfortable to keep pressing through. perhaps they could only force out a small amount of (fill in the blank) what they used to be able to do, and as a result, they began to believe that's all they are capable of anymore. so, they stopped challenging themselves, and lowered their standards--after all, that's all they have been managing these days, so that must be what things have come to. and they resign themselves to the lifestyle they have been living or the circumstances they find themselves in. this is a sad state to be in. weren't we called for so much more?

should we lament over what "could have been" or should we take a risk and start hitting the pavement again? i suggest we do the latter. i'm not saying it's going to be easy--b/c it won't. i'm not saying that every day you'll feel like running, b/c you definitely won't. but in the end, won't it be rewarding that at least you gave it a shot? and the fortunate thing about it all, is that we don't go at it alone. we have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of us, helping us continue to put one foot in front of the other--both on the days we knock out 4 miles and the days we struggle to scratch out 1. so, let's hit the pavement...

oh the many factors...

2011-03-21T17:42:00.000-07:00

recently, i have been experiencing how many different factors play into running. if one teeny tiny little thing is off it can throw the whole experience. one day, i will be running along, the wind at my back, feeling good. on those days i feel like i can go for miles and miles. however, the next time i set out to run may be a completely different experience. maybe i didn't drink enough water or the weather is a little chilly. or perhaps i didn't prepare myself mentally for the distance and my heart's just not in it. on those days i STRUGGLE.

i think about how this relates to my "run" or walk with God. when everything's in place and all the factors line up, my pace is fantastic. i feel like i could go the distance. however, there are times when it's not so easy. maybe i'm dealing with a tough situation in my life or perhaps i haven't gotten enough sleep. maybe it's just simply that i'm not in the right mindset mentally. all the same...i STRUGGLE.

this has been an encouragement to me to keep on pressing ahead. some days i will find it difficult to knock out a mile or two. when those days come (and they will) it's important for me not to get discouraged and give up. the next time i head out may be quite a different experience and what i do in preparation now will help put me in the right place when that time comes.

so, as i look now at lent and the importance of the discipline of running, i am reminded of the value in spiritual disciplines as well. even things as small as getting enough sleep and starting my day off with a positive attitude can have an impact on my relationship with God. reading my Bible, spending time in prayer and having time of fellowship/study with other believers also play an important role in my "training." therefore, as i go forward may i not get discouraged by my lack of "performance" in these areas, but keep pressing on day by day b/c you never know what the next run may hold....

i was running...

2011-03-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was speaking to a woman at work about Lent. She challenged my thinking about the traditional observation of "giving something up." She told me that instead of taking something out of her life, she usually she likes to to add something to her life instead (i.e. more time in Bible reading or prayer). That left me with something to think about, wondering what approach, if any, I should take this year. To subtract or add? Or do nothing at all??

Well, I went for a run later that week and had a really cool experience. While I was out on this run, I had an epiphany, what some may call a spiritual insight. Then, later that week I went running again. Unbelievably, the same thing happened. So, as I was thinking about Lent, it made sense to choose to "add" this year instead of "subtract," and running was evidently my activity. Adding the practice of running just seemed to fit. It allows me time and space for discipline, quiet, and opportunities for me to hear the voice of God. Therefore, I have committed to adding in regular times of running to my week during these next 40 days. And during that process, I would love to share with you the observations I have along the way. I'll start with my first observation...

...

MUD. It's never our favorite thing (unless you are a mud-wrestler by trade or those who claim to be professional observers of this activity). It messes things up. Creates stains. Gets you dirty. Bogs you down. And it's exactly what I encountered on my run.

I was running along the sidewalks down the road from my house. It was a casual 2 mile run, one of the first back since the winter. As I was cruising along I noticed a port-a-potty in front of one of the houses. That should have been my first red light: CONSTRUCTION. Instead of sidetracking or changing routes, I trucked along, holding my breath, of course. Shortly after, I notice that there is indeed construction going on and as a result, there is a layer of mud covering the sidewalk. Upon first glance, it seems as if the mud is not much of an obstacle--just a thin coating on the otherwise dry surface. Mistake #2. (I should have been getting a clue at this point!) Instead, I proceed along in my oblivion, only to discover that as I run, I am getting deeper and deeper in mud. Oops. Not quite what I thought I was getting myself into. This little thin layer is actually a bit more substantial than I hoped and by the time I reach the middle, I have mud covering my lovely white running shoes. Fortunately, I slow down a little so that it is not also covering my entire backside. ;) Although I was a bit dirtier, I made it through that stretch and kept putting one foot in front of the other. As I went along in my frustrations (I could have easily diverted my trek to the road instead, or the grass at minimal) a thought came to mind. "That's what sin's like." What? "That mud is what sin is like." Hmm. I just stepped into sin? I thought it was something so small and easy to get through.

I was wrong.

The same thing happens to us in life. Sin is deceptive. It's not easily managed. It's actually not managed AT ALL. You can start out thinking it's oh-so-small and end up with it ruining all that's nice and clean. It may seem like it's only just a small layer. Yet, you don't discover that it's ankle deep until you've already stepped in. Before you know it, it's not satisfied with stopping there.

So, as small of an insight as it may seem, it gave me such a meaningful picture of the power of sin. And, it caused me to think twice about any running route that includes a port-a-potty and MUD.

woe be John?

2011-02-19T12:25:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was heading to the gym and realized I didn't have a book to take with me. (I like to read while I'm hitting the cardio...keeps me from getting bored!) So, I grabbed one of my old reads, "The Barbarian Way" by Erwin McManus. This is a book that my Sunday School teacher, Hugh Hale, recommended several years ago. It's a short read (about 140 pages) and I'd definitely recommend it if you haven't checked it out.

All that to say, the section I read that night had an excerpt that seems to have stuck with me ever since. It's from the story of the life of John the Baptist. It's one of those times that a very familiar story suddenly takes on a different twist. Allow me to let you in on the developments...

John the Baptist is a very popularly known Bible figure. He's the crazy guy in the wilderness who wears camel skins and eats locusts with honey who's going around dunking everyone and telling them to "repent." He's a very important person within the story of Christ in the sense that his life was foretold by prophesy and he was described as the "forerunner" who would prepare the way for Christ's coming. (some big shoes to fill, I'd say!)

John also had some really neat interactions with Jesus. We see their first encounter from the womb when his mother Elizabeth feels John jump in eutero as a pregnant Mary walks into the room. Then, later in his ministry, John is given the privelege of baptizing Jesus. At this encounter, he sees the heavens open up and God declaring "This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased." So, if anyone has "certainty" in their faith in who Christ is, I would say it's John. From the very beginning, the Holy Spirit seemed to be resonating with John, affirming to Him that "yes, this truly is the Christ of God."

However, despite all of this, there's a story at the end of John's life that is a little disturbing. Due to a series of events, John finds himself in prison at the hands of Herod. It's then that his disciples approach Jesus and ask, "Are You the One who is to come, or should we expect someone else?" (Matthew 11:3) This is a hard story to grapple with at times. Here is John, the same one who faithfully declared to crowds of people how sure he was of the divinity of Jesus, now wrestling with doubt. I wondered what went wrong.

Erwin McManus had a few interesting thoughts to share.

"John was living between prison and platter when he sent this message to Jesus. Shouldn't he expect Jesus to drop everything and come to his aid? After all, he had always been there for Jesus. Where was He when John needed Him? Was He unaware that John needed help? Was He indifferent to John's dilemma? Or was He simply not the Messiah as John had always believed?"

Jesus' response may be even more perplexing. He told John's disciples to go back and report what they heard and saw: "the blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." (Matthew 11:4-6)

Jesus lists off all the things that have been happening: blind seeing, lame walking, etc. All of these things John is well aware of. Perhaps, this is the source of his issues to begin with. John KNOWS what Christ is capable of, but he is not seeing it happen in his own circumstances right now.

So, perhaps John's question to Jesus came as a result of unmet expectations. John had seen and heard all of all the miracles He was able to perform. He had even seen heaven itself open up and the Spirit of God descend upon Christ before John's very eyes. Why at this point would he not believe? Because it was personal. It was not about Christ's power or the abilities He possessed. It wasn't about the evidence. It was about Him and John.

John was in prison and alone, facing his own execution. It would be easy to hope that Jesus would come through for him and rescue him in this time of need. After all, wasn't He capable of that and so much more? Instead, John gets nothing as much as even a visit from Christ (that we are aware of). Wouldn't that cause a person to question?

Christ's answer gives us the response John needs...as well as the response that those of us in John's situation can be encouraged by thousands of years later. "Bessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me."

"Jesus was saying to him, 'John, I'm not coming through for you. I'm not getting you out of prison. I'm not sparing your life. Yes, I have done all this and more for others, but the path I chose for you is different from theirs. You'll be blessed, John, if this does not cause you to fall away.'"

There are times when are expectations may not be met. Perhaps we didn't see God come through in the way we had hoped. Maybe we face our own "prisons" sometimes when we feel incarcerated and alone. Although it's difficult, in those times we have to trust that we are fulfilling God's purpose for our lives despite our tough circumstances. Perhaps we're seeing the hand of God everywhere but within our own lives. Others are blessed and we are struggling. During these times, may we learn from John and recognize that we each are given different paths to take within the kingdom of God. And when we are faced with that prison and immenent danger, may we heed the words of Christ, not falling away on account of Him.

flannel board stories

2011-01-22T11:51:00.000-08:00

So, I decided to look back through my old blogs and re-post a previous note I had written on MySpace. (Yes, that tells you how old it is!) I was encouraged by it today and I hope you are too.

12/23/06
you know those bible stories some of us learned about when we were a kid-- the ones about Jesus raising Lazarus, or healing the woman with the issue of blood, or putting mud on the blind guy's eyes to restore his sight? well, i used to think they were great stories and all, but i had a hard time relating. i mean, i had never had leoprosy (and wasn't planning on contracting it), never been blind or lame (well, it depends on what definition you use for that one), and never had to have my friends carry me around on a mat (unless it was for recreational use). so, needless to say, i didn't quite grasp the stories for all they are worth. after all, things have changed over the past couple thousand years. now, we don't lay around at the healing pool to get well and we don't go seeking out local prophets to touch us. however, does that mean that i cannot relate to these stories? do they not pertain just as much to me now as they did to those people 2 thousand years ago? how am i any different than the blind, mute, lame, and deaf that were healed by the touch of Christ? for you see, i have my own infirmities in my life, as we all do....we are all bound by things at one point or another. there are times when we are blind--when our perspective is skewed, or we just can't see things clearly. other times, we are mute--we have lost our voice, or can't find the words to speak. we are lame--bound to our mat, paralyzed by fear, shame, or guilt that keeps us immobile. we are deaf--seemingly unable to hear the voice of God or others despite our efforts to listen. so, no matter how circumstances are different, no matter how much time has passed since then and now...i am that person--the man with the shriveled hand--his disability keeping him from doing all the things he would like to do, the woman with the issue of blood--desperately reaching out to the only One she knows has the ability to heal her, the paralzyed man on the mat--relying upon his friends to bring Him to Jesus when he can't carry himself. i can find myself in the midst of these people, their issues, their circumstances, and yes, even their infirmities. and just as Christ looked at them with compassion, reached down and spoke to them, so He does to each of us: "get up, take your mat and go home." (matt. 8:6)..."take heart daughter, your faith has healed you"(matt 8:22)..."I am willing. be clean!"( matt. 8: 3)..."be opened!" (mark 7: 34)..."according to your faith, will it be done to you" (matt 9:29)

so i guess those flannel board stories will never be quite the same again.

chastened

2011-01-06T19:07:00.000-08:00

In a recent trip to the library, I ran across this book called "Chastened." Immediately struck by its title, I decided to pick it up. (It probably also doesn't help that I work at a crisis pregnancy center and am thereby automatically interested in the topic.)

Well, come to find out, this is a very interesting story. The author, disenfranchised with casual sex, decided to remain abstinent for a year. As the subtitle explains, this book is the "story of (her) year without sex."

Anderson, a young non-Christian Englishwoman, began to realize that her relationships were unfulfilling. She was nearing her 30th birthday and the last man who told her that he loved her was her college sweetheart, who was her "first." Since then, her relationships have left her feeling as if something was lacking. So, in an effort to reclaim intimacy, she took out what some may feel is the most intimate act of all--sex.

I haven't gotten very far in the book, but so far it has been a good read. I have enjoyed reflecting upon the observations of someone whose decision is far removed from faith or upbringing. She simply was dissatisfied and wanted to make a change. Could it be that our culture would get to a point where more and more people become just as fed up?

Coming from a faith perspective myself, I have always been taught in church that you should save sex for marriage, that it was meant to be between a husband and a wife. I was also taught that the reason for this wasn't just because God didn't want you to experience all the good things life has to offer, but rather that He has a better way for us. His rules are meant to protect and offer us the best way of living. I believe that Anderson may just be proving His point. And maybe, just maybe, others will join her.

all in a year's work

2011-01-02T14:13:00.000-08:00

Wow. Who can believe 2010 is actually over? This has been one whirlwind of a year. As I look back on 2010 I can walk away with several observations. Although there have definitely been some positive changes that have taken place in my life over the past 12 months, there have also been some negative ones. I could just brush past them and attribute them to my human nature, or instead I could reflect on them and learn from my mistakes. This blog will be a part of my reflection/learning process...

One of the observations I have made about myself this year is that I have slowly lost some of my compassion. Generally speaking, I am a compassionate person. I enjoy helping people. I mean, I have a degree in counseling. I want to see others excel, grow, and change. However, this year I have noticed that I have lost some of that spark. Instead of looking on the situations of friends or clients with empathy, I sometimes wrestle with an urge to say "Suck it up and deal with it." (No, I am not going to turn into Dr. Phil...let's hope not at least!) Somewhere along the way, little bits of empathy, compassion, and tenderness have vanished. What happened to them? How can I get back my sense of compassion?

Today I was reading "Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning and a few excerpts stood out to me.

"In order to free us for compassion towards others, Jesus calls us to accept
His compassion in our own lives; to become gentle, caring, compassionate, and
forgiving toward ourselves in failure and need.
Compassion for others is not a simple virtue because it avoids snap judgments
of right or wrong, good or bad, hero or villain: It seeks truth in all its
complexity. Genuine compassion means that in empathizing with the failed
plans and uncertain loves of the other person, we send out the vibration, 'Yes,
regamuffin, I understand. I've been there too...'
In a catch-22 situation, the way of gentleness brings healing to ourselves
and gentleness toward ourselves brings healing to others. Solidarity with
ragamuffins frees the one who receives compassion and liberates the one who
gives it in the conscious awareness, 'I am the other.'"

So, as I read this, I can't help but see the paradox Manning is speaking of--"the way of gentleness brings healing to ourselves and gentleness towards ourselves brings healing to others." In order to bestow compassion on others, you must be willing to give it to yourself. You must see yourself for the ragamuffin you truly are--with your propensity towards sin, selfishness, and darkness. When that understanding is gained then you are capable of extending true compassion to others because you understand that you are no better.

I used to say that no matter what horrible situations people were facing or what awful circumstances they found themselves in, I was only a couple of steps away from being exactly where they were. It's only by the grace of God that I am where I am today. And who knows what tomorrow holds...

Therefore, in 2011 I hope to get back to that same mindset. May the Holy Spirit again soften my heart to see the sin and darkness of my own heart so that I may in turn, extend compassion and grace to those around me.

falling

2010-12-16T18:27:00.001-08:00

Tis the season for snow...and ice. Being a fairly uncoordinated person, I tend to avoid the latter. I mean, I couldn't even survive living in Tennessee without encountering my share of icy falls, much less Illinois! So, now that I live in an ice-prone environment, I am always on the lookout.

Recently, I was not quite so vigilant. I was on an evening stroll and decided to take the scenic route to town through the middle of a park. I noticed upon approach that the sidewalks had not been cleared and were covered with snow. As I got closer, I realized that not only were they snow-laden, but were also very icy. Being the stubborn person I am, I decided I would still press on and make my way through the park, so I tried to avoid the icy patches. Well, unfortunately, I hit a little slippery spot and my body fought to maintain its balance. I almost pulled my back out simply trying to keep both feet on the ground. After regaining my balance once more, the thought hit me about how much effort my body went through to keep itself upright. I could have endured much more pain by trying to avoid impact with the ground then actually falling itself.

Isn't this what we do though? How many people do you know that have broken bones b/c they stumbled and tried to break their fall? Our body's natural reaction is to try to protect itself...and sometimes this comes at our own expense. Often the act of trying to lessen the impact actually ends up causing more damage than the fall ever would.

I think this concept applies to other areas of our lives as well. Emotionally we go through this all of the time. We hit a rough patch. We "stumble." In an effort to lessen the blow, we seek stiff arm and try to protect ourselves. We deny. We repress. We refuse to actually allow ourselves to fall and embrace the impact. As a result, we drag things out and end up causing more damage to ourselves than we would have if we had just dealt with it to begin with. Just like falling physically, our natural tendencies to protect our emotions can be detrimental if not handled correctly.

I asked myself if this is something that could also be applied to our spiritual lives. Do we ever find ourselves "tripping up" and refusing to face the full impact? Instead we peter along, balancing between some comfortable/uncomfortable state and refuse to really let ourselves "hit." I don't know...but it's something worth thinking about.

So, next time, when you hit the ice, you have a choice to make. Will you spend so much effort protecting yourself from falling or will you embrace the impact head on? Oftentimes, you only have a split second to decide...

the older brother

2010-12-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

I have a hard time with the story of the Prodigal Son sometimes. It's a very odd place in the Bible to struggle with. It's such a lovely picture of God's love and forgiveness. You can't seem to ever get that image of the Father searching for His Son and running to meet him while he was still "a long ways off." I love love love those parts of the story.

However, there's a whole other aspect of the story that often gets overlooked--the older brother. At times, my heart really goes out to the guy. Here he is, doing what "he's supposed to" and yet he feels like he isn't quite as loved as his younger counterpart who went off and squandered everything. I have to catch myself before I get all defensive of the older brother, recognizing that he had issues with pride and self-righteousness. He was just as sinful as the younger brother but didn't realize his faults. (I think I struggle in part b/c I relate WAY more to the older guy than the younger. I've never been the rebellious, squander your inheritance kind of girl! :))

This weekend I had a different perspective on him than I ever have before (thank You Holy Spirit). All of a sudden, the question hit me: "Where was the older brother when the younger brother ran off?" Was he just going about his day to day routine as usual while his father went out to the road every day to look for the brother's return? Did he try to wipe the memory of his younger brother from his mind? How did he cope?

I have never had a brother before, but I can imagine that "sibling-hood" comes with some sort of responsibility towards each other. There are family ties that cannot be broken. You see siblings sticking up for each other all the time. One of them gets bullied on the bus. The other one comes to their aid. One of them gets thrown in jail. Another is there to bail them out. So, where was this older brother? The younger one finds himself in dire straights (due to his own choices, mind you, but dire nonetheless) and we have no idea what the older brother is up to. Did he not feel compelled to go searching for his brother and "set him straight?" Where was the older brother to bail him out?

Lately, I have been thinking about my own obligations to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Just like the older brother, too many times I have watched my siblings "squander their inheritance." Too many times have they wasted away gifts, talents, and pieces of themselves while I sat by and went about my daily life. Sure, sometimes I may have said some prayers or felt some concern, even said a few words, but what did I do? Did I follow my Father's example and go stand out in the road anxiously awaiting their return? Did I go out searching for them so that I could help them find their way back?

So easily we can get caught up in "our Father's businesss" that we neglect to recognize the obligation we have towards one another. We get caught up in living the "good Christian life" and feel like it's not our business to get involved. So, we don't go out to the pigsty where our brothers and sisters are starving. We don't stand and anxiously wait for their return home, searching, calling and admonishing them to come back. The end result is that our siblings are suffering and we are too. Our sins of pride and self-reliance are just as destructive as our younger brothers'. We wait at home thinking that eventually they will figure it out and find their way back. What if we risked getting a little messy and went out to look for them instead? I wonder what would happen then...

what type of disciple are you?

2010-11-21T11:55:00.000-08:00

Today in church we were discussing the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. For those of you who may not be familar, the story of Mary and Martha is goes like this...

Martha invited Jesus to stay at their house when He was passing through their village. Her sister Mary is sitting in the living room at Jesus' feet, listening to Him talk. Meanwhile, Martha is busy in the kitchen trying to make all the preparations for His stay. Martha comes to Jesus and asks if He would tell Mary to get up and give her a hand. Well, instead of Jesus commending Martha for her hard work, He commends Mary for choosing what was most important--sitting at His feet.

I started thinking about how recently I've been very "Martha-like." Right now, I'm at a point of really wrestling with what God may have in store for me for the rest of my life. I want to know my "calling" and what I should be doing with my life long-term. Where will I be in 10 years? How can I best serve His kingdom with my gifts, skills, and passions? Well, I recognized that a lot of my questions were about me. Although I want to serve Jesus and ultimately be doing what He wants me to, the questions in themselves are about ME. What should I be doing? Where should I be going? Like Martha, I have been "anxious about many things" and perhaps neglected the One thing that is most important--sitting at the feet of Christ.

After thinking about my "Martha tendencies," I began to think about what kind of disciple I would be like if I lived in Jesus' time. You have Peter who put his foot in his mouth a lot. Then there's the infamous "doubting Thomas." John was the disciple whom Jesus loved. What would I go down in history as? Well, I decided that if I were to be appointed the 13th disciple, I probably would've been known as Cara the planner. I would have been the one that was portrayed as trying to keep Jesus on top of His agenda. As soon as I learned that Jesus had a purpose to fulfill, I would've been right there with the planner and timeline making sure He got it all done. The problem is that my focus would've been in the completely wrong place. First of all, Jesus doesn't need anyone to help keep Him in check. :) Secondly, my mindset can't be on the task at hand, but the One who is above all of it. The tasks at hand may be important, but they aren't the "end all, be all"--Jesus is.

So, let us sit at His feet and remember the things that are most important--the "good portion that cannot be taken away from us."

What type of disciple would you be?

reflections...

2010-11-15T18:21:00.001-08:00

Ever have one of those days were certain themes just seem to echo throughout? This morning I read John 4 and the story of the Woman at the Well. I was struck by how she gets so caught up in certain aspects of her conversation with Jesus that she almost missed the big picture. She had a very clear need: She had been living an unfulfilling life, bouncing around from one guy to the next. She was given a very specific promise: Christ would satisfy her and fill her with streams of living water. And she almost got really caught up in a Jew vs. Samaritan theological debate about where the best place for worship is instead of recognizing the Messiah right in front of her. (Thank goodness Jesus is gracious and she finally gets it!)

Later, at work one of my co-workers is telling me about her friend who is struggling right now. Her friend recognizes that Jesus is the only way and believes the truth about certain aspects of God. Yet, she is so caught up in her own life and desires that she is afraid to surrender. Yet again, we have a very clear need and a very specific promise...but the nitty gritty is getting in the way of the big picture. Her friend is so caught up in the specifics (which are for her what she might lose by becoming a Christian) that she neglects to see the living water that is offered right in front of her.

Tonight I read Augustine and this passage stood out to me:
"'Return, sinners, to your heart' (Isaiah 46:8) and adhere to Him who made you. Stand with Him and you will stand fast. Rest in Him and you will be at rest. Whear ater you going along rough paths? What is the goal of your journey? The good which you love (the earthly pleasures, things, relationships, etc) is from him. But it is only as it is related to Him that it is good and sweet. Otherwise it will justly become bitter; for all that comes from Him is unjulstly loved if He has been abandoned. With what end in view do you again and again walk along difficult and laborious paths? There is no rest where you seek for it. Seek for what you seek, but it is not where you are looking for it. You seek the happy life in the region of death; it is not there. How can there be a happy life where there is not even life?"

How can the good really be all that good without Him? For those of us who have "tasted and seen" we recognize that all the pleasures in the world amount nothing in comparison to Christ.

Taking What I Want...

2010-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

I recently read 2 of the books from the series by Stieg Larsson, “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.” After reading some of the books, I decided to watch the first movie. (FYI—I am not recommending this movie per se. It is very violent and graphic if you decide to check it out). There was an interesting line that struck me towards the end of the movie. A guy who was a murderer and a rapist was asked why he killed innocent women. He responded back with a striking comment—“I was just doing what every man wants to do—to have exactly what he wants.”

Interesting motive. He was just taking “what he wanted.” And after all, this is every man’s dream? Although it really disgusted me at the time, I realized that what he said was true in one sense. Every man (and woman) at the core of our beings has a desire to “have” what we want.

I thought back to Adam and Eve in the Garden. Wasn’t that their desire as well? “You can eat of any tree except…” And what did they do? They weren’t satisfied with all the other trees in the Garden. They had to “have” the one that they wanted.

Augustine reflected on one aspect of this in his book "Confessions." I happened to read this section right after I watched the movie. Let’s see what he has to say…

“So the soul fornicates (Ps. 72:27) when it is turned away from you and seeks
outside you the pure and clear intentions which are not to be found except by
returning to you. In their perverted way all humanity imitates you.
Yet they put themselves at a distance from you and exalt themselves against
you. But even by thus imitating you they acknowledge that you are the
Creator of all nature and so concede that there is no place where one can
entirely escape from you…Was it possible to take pleasure in what was illicit
for no reason other than it was not allowed?”

Augustine is reflecting upon a time in his youth when he and his friends stole a bunch of pears (comparable to breaking into a video game store in our day :)). His act of stealing was a way of “imitating God.” He acknowledges that as humans we take pleasure in “imitating” God—who is all powerful and is over all things. We put ourselves in a position of authority and choose to take what we like. We like to try to exert our autonomy and “freedom,” yet must come to the realization that “there is no place where one can ultimately escape.”

Our “freedom” in taking what we “want,” will only lead to bondage and fear. The man in the movie found this out. I can personally attest to that as well. Freedom apart from God is not freedom at all. The objects that we covet for the “taking” will end up “taking” us instead.

As Paul says in Romans 7: "For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing... What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Yes, thanks be to God who rescues us from this body of sin and death!

The Book of Eli

2010-11-07T14:08:00.000-08:00

This weekend I watched The Book of Eli for the first time. (As a side note, if you haven't seen the movie yet, don't worry--I won't fill my post with spoilers!) Generally after watching a movie, I don't leave feeling convicted (unless the conviction is for watching the movie to begin with!). However, the Book of Eli was a different story.

For those of you who haven't seen the film, here's a brief synopsis:
The main character Eli, lives in an America that has been destroyed. There was a great war and the land was scorched by the sun. There aren't many people who survived and of those who did, many of them turned to cannibalism to survive. People live off of whatever they can find and as a result society is pretty much non-existent. Eli is in possession of a "very important book," which we discover is the Bible. He feels like it is his purpose in life to survive and transport this book to a safe place. (I'll leave the rest up to you to watch.)

After watching the movie, it hit me how Eli is a representative of every Christ-follower. We have all been given an important task--to be Christ's ambassadors and carry His truth to this world. We are all carriers of His Word and light. Sure, we don't live in as dire circumstances as Eli. Or do we? Are we just as disease-ridden and desperate as people were in his time? It's probably safe to say "yes." In our culture, our disease is comfort. Our desperation comes as a result of recognizing our over-pleasuring, over-filling, and over-quenching never left us satisfied. Our needs are the same.

So, what do we do? Do we recognize the reality of our situation and choose to obediently carry this truth to a lost and dying world? Or do we sit back and think that everything's "alright?" Are we compelled to do whatever it takes to fulfill God's call and purpose? Or do we get lost in opulence and comfort, therefore, refusing to recognize the dire circumstances we are all in?

I don't know about you guys, but I want to be an Eli. I want to be resolute and focused on the task at hand. I want to be a soldier in Christ's army, carrying light, love, and Truth. I don't want to get so lost in what I "see" that I neglect to truly see what is going on around me. My hope is that I can be faithful to the commission given to me so that at the end of the journey, I can resonate with Paul's words in 1st Timothy--"I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (1 Timothy 4:7)

greenbacks

2010-10-24T13:57:00.000-07:00

This morning at church my Pastor gave a sermon called "Money Talks." It was different than any other "money" sermon I have ever heard before. He actually brought $10,000 on stage and asked questions of this pile of cash...and unbelievably, the money answered! (Thanks to the help of a guy backstage, of course.) I never thought I'd hear $10,000 talk to me from the church pulpit. It was a little freaky! Anyways, aside from the creativity, it's always interesting to talk about money. There's nothing like mentioning this commodity to make us squirm and start reaching for our wallet to ensure it's safety. However, it's also one of the easiest ways to bring about conviction and self-examination.

Money can easily be viewed as one of, if not "the" most important things in the world. Even for Christians this can be true. We work so hard to get it and then so easily let it go. So much of our effort and time is spent around it. If you want to bless or curse someone--"money" is your guy. Somehow the wallet gets our attention every time. Ever notice how it takes nothing but an unexpected car repair, or a bill in the mail to cause us to utter the cry of, "God help us!" With so much power wrapped up in something, there's the potential for both harm or good to come as a result.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm hoping for the "good" out of that equation! I want my attitude towards money to be one of gratitude and generosity. I would hope my actions would also reflect this. (I have a LONG way to go!) Money is a tool that can be used to benefit so many.

I pray that as I learn to live as "salt and light" in this world, that my money would also serve as that portrayal. May I not get caught up in the world's attitude towards money that I neglect to view it as just another gift to be used for the kingdom.

truth in love

2010-09-26T13:48:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been wrestling with what does it mean to "speak the truth in love?"

We live in a world where truth is relative and everyone has their right to believe whatever they want. As a result, there are moments when as a Church we have neglected to call out certain truths for what they are. There seems to be such tension between trying not to judge and erring on the side of people-pleasing instead.

I fall into this trap myself. I'm generally a laid-back, non-confrontational type. So, if someone were to be wearing a paper sack for a hat and ask me what I thought about their new look, I might respond by saying, "I'm not sure that it accentuates your best features." Whereas, others might come out and say, "You look like an idiot." :) So, when it comes to "speaking the truth in love," in the past I have been at times overly cautious and focused more on the "loving" part of that statement versus "speaking the truth."

What do we do with this when it comes to the Gospel or God's word? ALWAYS our motivation must be from a place of love. This means, we don't speak until our hearts are in the right place. It means we take a step back and put ourselves in others' shoes. It also means that we rely upon God and allow Him to speak through us.

However, there is a time to speak. The verse wouldn't tell us to speak truth in love if we were never expected to actually speak up. So, how do we do that? And under what context?

A passage from the New Testament came to mind.

In Mark 10:17-22 we see the story of the rich young ruler. He comes to Jesus and asks how he can inherit eternal life. Jesus responds by saying "You know the commandments--do not murder, do not steal..." and the list goes on. The young ruler tells Jesus that he has kept these since he was a kid. The Scriptures tell us something very striking next. The verse says, "Jesus looked at him and LOVED him." Then, Jesus responds by saying "One thing you lack. Go sell everything you have and give it to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." The young man's face falls because he knows he will be unable to do this and he walks away.

Here is a very poignant example of Jesus speaking truth in love. He doesn't shy away from the objective--an invitation to come follow Him. He very clearly lays out what is truth--the requirements laid out in Scripture. Yet, He does so from a very specific and direct motivation--love.

So, how can I follow Christ's example? I am urged to come with an objective to see people come to follow Christ. I can also very clearly lay out truth and Scripture, but first and foremost, my motivation must come from a place of love. I cannot respond out of fear of being disliked. I also cannot respond out of judgment of their actions. I MUST be compelled by love.

where is our truth coming from?

2010-09-17T15:11:00.000-07:00

We live in a society that has diminished the importance of truth. It is not politically correct to state that something is "right" or "wrong." You can hardly get anyone to own up to truth's existence, much less believe in it. All things are relative and left up to the discretion of the individual.

Yet, at the same time, we live in a society that searches for meaning and experience. We want to "be informed" and "be in the know." We follow blogs and watch "reality" tv. We submerge ourselves into the stories of others and procclaim, "now that's REAL!" So, in essence, we are not denying the existence of truth, but confirming that truth is in what we feel vs what we know.

A Madonna line in her song "Bedtime Story" goes like this: "words are useless, especially sentences, they don't stand for anything, how can they explain how I feel?" The experience, the feeling, has become the ultimatum. Words and knowlege have been surpassed.

This is a very scary place to be. In the past, we turned to the "experts" to inform us. We were led by institutions, our parents, the Church, or our leaders. We were driven by concepts such as loyalty, pride, patriotism, and devotion to country, church, and family. Although that is not a perfect system and has many flaws, we have gone in the completely opposite direction. Instead of turning to these experts to tell us what we should know, we rely upon our own individual experiences. I don't know about you, but my individual experiences are flawed as well. Let me share an example:

Since I live in the Chicago suburbs, I enjoy going downtown on occasion. One day I may decide to go to the city and have a wonderful time. I then determine based on my experience that the city is a lovely place and well worth my time there. However, if I were to be given the same exact circumstances the next weekend--even complete with the same great weather, the same companions, same restaurants and sites--I may have a COMPLETELY different experience. After that weekend, I may determine that the city is a trash heap and not worth my effort. It all depends on the state I am in in any given moment.

This is why experience as truth is a disaster. No one experiences things the same, so there would never be a universal belief. Even if I left it up to myself to decide, my mind may change on any given day based on how I feel. This negates the definition of truth in itself. Truth is something that is long-lasting and stands the test of time. It doesn't change or falter with the latest opinion poll or research finding. It isn't defined by those who percieve it. It just is in and of itself.

So, I have to ask myself, "where am I getting my truth?" I am certain that I don't want to base my life around the words of Madonna or the latest Tweet by Ashton Kutcher or even what they tell me on Fox News. How bout you?

a year in review

2010-08-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

So, it has officially been a year since I moved to the Land of Lincoln. What have I learned? Hmm...let me try to summarize...

-Midwesterners prefer to be called "midwesterners," not "yankees." :)
-Although the Chicago accent can be quite nasaly, it can be gotten used to.
-Winters suck!
-People up here don't drive trucks. In a place where it snows 12 inches at one time, you would think the contrary.
-Illinois-ians can actually be quite friendly--especially in the suburbs. However, don't get in their way on the road. "Aggressive, aggressive, aggressive" is their motto.
-Hills are pretty non-existent, so forget mountains. However, there are some very pretty prairie lands.
-Winters suck!
-Chacos are a rare treasure. When you find someone wearing them, you automatically become BFF.
-Killer mosquitoes live here. One night in the course of 30 minutes, I somehow achieved 15 bites!
-Great places to lay out in the sun are few and far between. The Illinois version of me is much whiter.
-Did I mention winters suck???

To be continued. Deeper life lessons to follow....

sacrificing our children

2010-07-25T20:24:00.000-07:00

Ezekiel 16:21: "You slaughtered my children and sacrificed them to the idols."

Everytime I read of child sacrifice in the Old Testament, I cringe. When I think back to the history of the Israelites, I can't help but think how barbaric some of the customs were during that time. In Leviticus God had to give a specific command to the Israelites not to sacrifice their children to the god Molech. I mean, a specific order was needed not to kill your kids in the name of religion? It seems a little extreme to me. Yet, the nations that were surrounding the children of Israel were given such an influence that the Israelites found themselves doing just that. They got caught up in the cultural rituals and the worship of other gods--to the point of sacrificing their own offspring.

In today's time, it's hard for us to imagine such a thing. We seem to have advanced "above" such practices. Yet, when I went to China in 2005, I heard stories of families who would leave their unwanted deformed or handicapped (or female)babies out in the cold to die of exposure. I couldn't believe that went on in the world that we live in. Those are ancient practices, barbaric rituals of the past, right? How could this possibly go on in our advanced society? Yet, in the work I do with crisis pregnancies, I recognize that is far from the truth.

Every day the counselors in my office sit across from women who participate in the same rituals the Israelites did so long ago. They find themselves sacrificing their children, but it is given a different name these days. Now, it is called abortion.

These children are placed on the altar of selfishness, resources, timing, income, relationships, etc. These children are sacrificed to idols that our society has erected and our cultural influences have deemed "politically correct." These women are prasied for placing their children there and are then left utterly alone to pick up the pieces from their choice.

When I come face to face with women who are I am burdened for these women and the influences that have played a part in their decision. I am burdened for these children who were never given a chance. I hope that one day we can awaken to the reality of our situation and recognize the altars we have erected. For some it will have already been too late....

So, yes, as a society have have advanced leaps and bounds. Yet, throughout history some patterns seem to never change. Although it's very easy for me to look at Israel and stand in judgement of all their choices, I recognize that I am no different. I struggle with the same issues that they did; they just take a different form. I fight the same influences each day; they just aren't in the shape of graven images or false idols. They come in concepts and desires, influences and relationships. They are dangerous, sneaky, and lethal, sometimes disguising themselves as good, light, and true. It requires diligence, discernment, and strength.

Ephesians 5:10-14: "For you once were in darkness but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light...have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them...everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. That is why it is said: 'Wake up O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'"

Book Review: "Princess"

2010-07-11T17:58:00.000-07:00

I recently read a book entitled "Princess: A True Story of Life Behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia." It was recommended by a man who came to do a training at work on Muslims. I was curious to read this real-life recount of Muslim culture expressed in the Middle East. What I didn't realize was how much it would impact me.

I walked away from reading this book feeling like I had taken a peek inside the life of "Sultana," a Saudi Arabian royal princess. That peek left me feeling burdened for the women who are forced to live behind the veil. Sultana's life was filled with luxury and privilege, yet she was in bondage and unfulfilled.

Women in Saudi Arabia are treated as second-class citizens, with the cultural preference always being given to males. Women are forced to be completely veiled upon the time of their first menstruation. They may be given in marriage at any point after that and there is no age limit on the husband they may be married to. In Saudi Arabian society, if women rebel and commit any form of impropriety by violating Sharia law (Islamic regulations), they may be stoned, drowned, or placed in a darkened locked room for the remainder of their lives by their family members. (to find out more about Saudi Arabian laws for women there are several sites on the Internet)

Unfortunately, some of Sultana's friends find out the reality of these consequences. To hear the stories of these women's lives will leave you forever impacted.

Now, after the book is read and the last page is turned, I couldn't help but ask myself, "What can I do?" Sultana hired the author of this book, Jean Sasson, write her story for her. She hoped that someone would read it and the real lives of Saudi Arabian women would be exposed to the world. That was in 1995. Fifteen years later I'm not convinced that much has changed. I watched a special on the news recently of a reporter who traveled to Saudi Arabia this year. She observed that at the hotel she was staying at only the men were allowed to swim. While the men were splashing around in their swim trunks, their wives, who were veiled from head to toe in the sweltering Middle Eastern heat, merely dipped their toes in the water. Perhaps these were more Sultanas aching for their story to be heard as well.

With that said, what can I practically do to help? Here I am in suburban America, thousands of miles away both physically and mentally. I won't be booking any flights to Saudi Arabia anytime soon, yet does that keep me from doing something about it? I know that I won't ever fully be able to understand the culture or the implications of it all, but I can't seem to shake Sultana's story.

The last thing I want to do is to rush in with my "American Savior" mentality, seeking to rescue the women and push my cultural influences on them. So often we think we as Westerners know better, when perhaps there are several ways of bringing about change (and it doesn't necessarily mean ours is the best!). Yet, at the same time, I don't want to be immobilized by this thought and refuse to do anything altogether. Ideally, I would love to see the Saudi women rise up and bring about change amongst themselves. The most effective cultural shifts come from within.

So, how do I incorporate both of these--self-discipline to not "come to the rescue" while not forfeiting my momentum to see change brought to these women?

I think the best yet most simplistic answer is prayer. Although I can't rush over to Saudi Arabia right now, I can lift these women up to in prayer at any moment. I serve a God who is ever-present and hears the cries of His people. He sees the oppressed and broken and is able to lift them up. He is able to bring about change when all seems lost. This is the easiest yet most powerful way that I can reach out to help.

The second way that I can "do something" is to raise awareness. Before I read this book, I had no idea what was going on in Saudi Arabia. Since then, my knowledge has helped shape my understanding. Recently, I ran across an article in the news about an Iranian woman who is sentenced to be stoned to death any day now. Iran operates under some of the same Sharia laws as Saudi Arabia. The Western world has protested the stoning due to the fact that the woman was previously punished and later seemingly unjustly charged with the stoning offence. (See http://www1.voanews.com/english/news/middle-east/Irans-Judiciary-Halts-Stoning-of-Woman-For-Now-98203444.html for more info) I can't help but wonder if this would be happening if the suspect was a man.

In the end, what can I do? Pray and spread the word. Talk to people about meaningful things--injustice, oppression, need. Sultana would perhaps be proud that her story still affects people 15 years later. I try not to think about the possibility that she may be disappointed at how little things have changed so far. She risked her life to share it with others...what am I willing to do in exchange?

2010-06-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

"In our hearts, Lord, in this nation
Awakening
Holy Spirit, we desire
Awakening

For You and You alone
Awake my soul, awake my soul and sing
For the world You love
Your will be done, let Your will be done in me"

These are the lyrics to a Chris Tomlin song called "Awakening." Tonight I decided to listen to the Passion Awakening CD and this was the first song that popped up. I couldn't help but resonate with these words.

It seems like God has been stirring up something within me. I don't want to be satisfied with mediocrity. Even more, I don't want to be satisfied with just being "good." I want something deeper. I want to be part of a grand plan. I don't want to just settle for comfort or ease.

I'm not sure what all the implications may be, but I know that it won't be easy. Yet, although it may be a difficult road to walk, it will be a beautiful one. And I'm excited about the journey!

lessons from David

2010-06-13T17:37:00.000-07:00

Lately, I have been reading through some of the Old Testament. There are certain parts of the Bible that I have re-read several times--Judges, 1 & 2 Samuel usually aren't included in that list! So, I have been journeying back through some of those less-read books. I just finished 2 Samuel last night and today I can't seem to get the closing lines out of my head. You know when you finish watching a movie and the characters or quotes just seem to linger with you? That's where I'm at right now.

Let me give you a little background. Here's what went down:
God spoke through a prophet to David, telling him to build an altar to on a threshing floor that happened to be owned by another man. So, David goes to visit this man and asks to buy his land that the threshing floor is located on. Since David is the king and he is coming with such a noble purpose of building an altar to God, the man offers to give David the land for free (I mean, who doesn't offer to give the king anything he asks for...especially if he's known for being an expert warrior!) Yet, David refuses his offer. Instead, he replies, "...I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing." So, he gives the guy some money for the land and some of his oxen and there the altar is errected and the burnt offering made. And the story ends happily ever after...or at least a plague that had been hitting up Israel was averted.

So, here I am, finishing up this book and I am left with it lingering in my head. Just like those famous quotes of "Hasta la vista, baby" or "Life is like a box of chocolates," I can't seem to get over David's starring line. At the close of the book, he rolls in with something that just keeps running over and over... "I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing."

And I'm left feeling the same as if I had just watched an epic film. I am gripped with the honesty, character and loyalty of the main character. I not only enjoyed the journey of reading the details of his life, but I want to emmulate him. I am compelled to be the person that says, "I will not offer God something that cost me absolutely nothing."

Yet, how difficult is that for me to do? I honestly don't encounter that much sacrifice on a daily basis. I live in a society of convenience and prosperity. Even my faith is filled with comfort and ease. To contrast this, I look at David's time. At the close of 2 Samuel, David and his people had just endured a plague that cost them a lot of lives. Yet, despite the state he was in, he still wanted to give an offering that came with a price. How much more difficult is it for me to do the same?

Not only does this Old Testament passage challenge me, but I look to the New Testament and the words of Christ as well. In Luke 14, He says: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple...any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple."

Those are tough words to swallow. Although, I don't believe Jesus is asking us to loathe everyone we come in contact with, I believe that He is calling us to give all we are to Him. Our love for friends, family, job, things, and even life itself should pale in comparison to our love for Him. The love that we exhibit to Christ should be so great that it would seem like our love for anything else would resemble hate. And that is an offering that costs something.

Can I live up to the challenge? Honestly, no. I get used to things being easy. Yet, by God's grace and the nudging of His Holy Spirit, He is calling me to something deeper. To get there, it's going to cost me something. It may be time, it may be money, it may be pieces of myself that I want to hold on to....it could be any number of things. But one thing I know is this--I want to offer myself to God because He has offered Himself to me. He has already paid the cost for the offering by giving His life. That compels me to give my own. His sacrifice did not just cost Him something, it costs Him everything...and He compels us to do the same.

"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." Luke 9:24

asking the right questions

2010-06-05T18:17:00.000-07:00

So, someone got onto me for not updating my blog....sorry about that! Here is a post to appease the masses! :)

Lately, I have been challenged about "asking the right questions." Recently, I took a quick trip home to TN to visit my Dad who had back surgery last week. During my 9+hour ride in the car, I listened to a sermon series called "It's Personal" by Andy Stanley. (It was a very interesting series and I would definitely recommend it.) During one of his sermons he used the text from Matthew 18:1-4 where the disciples ask about which one of them will be the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

In this passage, the disciples came to Jesus with a very important question...or at least so they thought. At the time, the disciples believed Jesus was going to take over the Roman Empire and be the reigning King. He would come in with military power and establish an earthly kingdom where he would rule with authority. With this thought in mind, they were curious as to which disciple might be most favored in the future reign. They wanted to know who would sit at His right hand and serve alongside Him. (Basically, they were asking, "Who is your favorite? There has to be a Teacher's pet, right?")

As usual, Jesus responded to them with something they weren't quite expecting. He didn't call someone's name out or even scold them for asking such a question. Instead, He placed a little child in front of them and said, "whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

The disciples were trying. They didn't always have things right and sometimes they didn't even have the purest of intentions. However, they got the chance to live and walk alongside Jesus Christ. (What a privelege!) So, if those who saw Him tangibly can screw things up so royally, how much more am I capable of?!

Looking at this passage challenges me to seek to ask the right questions. Just like the disciples, I want answers that will appease me. I want to know "why this?" or "what's that?" when it comes to the Kingdom and its Ruler. Yet, I have to ask myself, are those the right questions? Is my focus in the right place? I wonder how different Jesus' response might have been if the disciples asked, "How can we best serve Your kingdom?" Or "What can we do to help establish it in this place?"

So, although, I know I will continue to ask a lot of "wrong" questions, I'm extremely grateful to serve a God that takes time to place a lesson in front of me and gives me grace to try again. And try again I will...

life update

2010-04-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

i'm sure some of you are curious how chicago has been treating me lately...well, i will try to give you a mini-update.

first of all, i moved here under the pretense that i would be working as an Assistant Director of Counseling at a pregnancy center. i didn't realize at the time i was hired that my boss, the Director of Counseling, would soon be taking a 3 month maternity leave. so, i hit the ground running--learning my job as well as hers. then, we lost one of our employees unexpectedly. another one had a baby. so, we're running 3 pregnancy centers with a skeleton staff. and...by the way, another person is leaving soon. wow. that's a lot of change since August! (by the way, i work at a lovely place of employment--please don't think all these people are leaving b/c it's horrible!)

so, needless to say, i have learned a lot professionally...and it's only just begun. i have been forced to think outside of the box and be resourceful. i have tried to navigate a lack of resources and done my best to keep us afloat. everyone has pitched in and made it a team effort. i am so grateful to work with such gracious women of God!

i guess you could say that professionally, i've gotten a crash course in non-profit work. personally, i've had my own crashes to deal with as well! i have had to adjust to a new way of living and a new city. i have sought to build friendships and find community...while not losing the ones i already have. i have gone church-shopping and service-hopping. i have been challenged relationally, theologically, and emotionally. wow. that's a lot of change since August!

however, through all of this, i am blessed because i know i am learning...and hopefully changing for the better! change is a wonderful, painfully beautiful catalyst...a surgeon's scalpel at times, but one that helps remove some of the cancers of our lives (or at least forces us to wake up to the reality that they are there).

so, that's just a small slice of where i've been over the past 8 mos. i'm sure there's even more ahead for me to look forward to! thanks for all of you who have prayed for me or supported me through this process. i am so grateful for you.

rants continued

2010-03-24T14:43:00.001-07:00

sorry for the sudden end to my last post. the 5:00 whistle blew before i knew it!

back to my thoughts on our "promiscuous culture".....

i lament over the pervasiveness of our cultural attitudes towards sex. hook-ups are not only commonplace, but expected. women are now supposed to be "just like men" in all aspects of life, including their sexuality. if a woman wants to attach after having sex, she is needy and undesireable. don't expect him to call. don't get emotionally involved. keep it casual and fun.

yet, didn't God design sex for bonding us together? it seems like we try so hard to fight some of our created intents. physiologically our bodies release a hormone called oxytocin every time we have sexual contact. that chemical is the same one that is released when mothers breastfeed. it serves as a bonding agent, creating a sense of trust and safety. so, although, try as we might to "detach," somehow, our bodies have an agenda of their own. (looks like God wanted it that way) so, here we are, allowing our "desires" and "impulses" to rule....yet, finding that there are other impulses (i.e. bonding) that we would rather stifle. we can't have it both ways....

just like our desire for freedom of sexual expression for everyone--it all has a price. we try to break roles and expectations, yet we still find ourselves following culture. somehow our attempt to free ourselves has caused more bondage than we expected.

rants

2010-03-23T14:44:00.000-07:00

so, recently i read a book called "girls gone mild" by wendy shalit. yes, as you can tell it's a take on "girls gone wild," and let me tell ya, it's anything but. wendy (a jewish 30-something) seeks to point out the need for modesty and respect in a culture permeated with sexual messages. she shares examples of how our children are influenced by these messages from an early age. everything from Bratz dolls to Abercrombie and Fitch are speaking into the lives of our children, telling them that in order to be accepted you have to be "hott," "sexy," "playful," and "fun." i was enraged. sure, i knew that we live in a very sexualized culture that wrecks havoc on the minds of our children, but i didn't realize the extent to which this occurs. blame it on the fact that i live in a bubble sometimes...

that brings us to the issues of today. it looks like here in the 21st century, we are reaping what we have sown. our parents' generation, the baby boomers, brought on the "sexual revolution." they were huge proponenets of femnism, freedom of sexual expression, and fighting the rigid expectations placed upon them at that time. yet, what do we have 50 years later? STDs, broken marriages, and sexual issues out the wazu. not to mention the goal of "freedom" for women has actually created the opposite effect. once, women were expected to be beautiful homemakers and the perfect wives. they were asked to have dinner on the table and to fulfill a role of submission to their husbands and families. their life was in the home...not out in the workforce or on the battlefield. we have come a long way.

yet, now in 2010, we ask women to be the "bad girls," to be appealing to men sexually, and to use this avenue as power. a woman is expected to go to work and to be successful. she is looked down upon if she decides to "stay home" or live a modest lifestyle. is this not as much oppressive as the first time around? women are still expected to fulfill certain "standards"....the only difference is that the morality of the matter is now erased. the value we place on the new standard is in the "lack of morals," rather than on the inclusion of them. it is just as important to us to erradicate all moral expectations as it was for those living in the 50's to incorporate morality. it's just a matter of what we value most. looks like we value anti-morality. hmm...seems like we have a problem.

this is only the tip of the ice berg. i'll be back later for more thoughts....stay tuned...

lessons from the tree

2010-02-25T17:25:00.000-08:00

since i moved to chicago i have become a parent to my first plant. (gotta start somewhere, right?) i remember having a conversation with my boss in august, explaining that i had never owned a plant before and that i wanted to try my hand at it. well, a couple of days later i walk into my office to find a little potted tree with a note attached from my boss. that was the day i owned my first plant.
i have already learned a lot from this little tree. to make a long story short, i had to take my plant home for a while during my training at work. then, a couple of months ago, i decided it was time to bring it back to my office. well, since i am a new 'plant mom,' i didn't really think about the fact that it was 5 degrees outside that morning. (and i decided it was a great day for a starbucks run before work!) so, needless to say, by the time i brought my little tree back to its home, it was droopy and very sad looking. soon, every single leaf fell off and all that was left was the trunk and a few branches. i felt like a failure. yet, for some reason i held out hope that it could come back.
and come back it did. i began to see green buds forming at the end of the branches and eventually a few green leaves formed. now, there are officially 5 sets of leaves and more are forming as we speak. i am so glad that i didn't kill off my first attempt at plant ownership---and i have learned my lesson about transporting greenery during chicago winters!
however, this little guy has not only taught me a lot about foliage, but about lessons about life as well. see, just like my plant, we as humans go through periods of "shock." we aren't prepared for the conditions and we find ourselves wilting away as a result. perhaps it is an unplanned loss, or a crisis of some sort, and before we know it, we feel as if the life is sucked out of us. yet, even when all the external signs say that this is the case--inside of us hope rests under the surface. although we can't see it at the time, new life is forming. it may not look the same as it once did, and it may take a while to break through the exterior...but it is coming.
my plant can attest to that...and so can i.
"forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
see I am doing a new thing!
now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
i am making a way in the desert
and springs in the wasteland." isaiah 43:18-19

trimming the kudzu

2010-01-12T20:10:00.000-08:00

so, for those of you who don't know, i work at a non-profit crisis pregnancy center. we see many clients who are facing a crisis or unplanned pregnancy. through my work here, i have come face to face with the HUGE need for the issue of female sexuality to be addressed in our culture.

it takes the shape of a 19 year old girl who came to me for STD information. she had felt out of place in her friend group b/c she was the only one who had not had sex. now, she has contracted a STD.

it takes the form of the 17 year old girl who professed to a relationship with God, but realized she had searched for love by giving herself sexually to several guys.

it's the girl who has already had 2 abortions by age 16 and is facing yet another pregnancy. yet, she has no job, no life skills, and no steady boyfriend to support her.

these are just a few of the real-life stories that i have come across in the past few months, and this only scratches the surface. women all over america are faced with issues of sexuality from as young as elementary school. what can be done to help address this issue?

recently, i re-read "reviving ophelia" by mary pipher. it's a book that discusses the influences on adolescent females and the changes that take place as they leave childhood behind. although, it's a little outdated (written in the 90's), i couldn't help but come to recognize some of the greater issues plaguing our women today--the loss of "true self" in an effort to fit in, the issues of sexuality, the role that culture and the media play, the influences of peer group...and the list goes on. when i look at our work at the pregnancy center i can only believe that we are merely conducting damage control. although we are able to help a client through a crisis situation, we aren't equipping them to combat all of these influences. we are merely "triage." and although this is the role we are called to play, i can't help but wonder if there's something that can be done to address some of the larger causes.

i feel like we're merely cutting the leaves off of a kudzu of culture in our attempt to keep the parasitic plant from spreading.

yet, when i become overwhelmed at all of the horrible messages that are being sent to women today...when i can't seem to figure out a way to even begin addressing all of the issues, i am reminded of the power of prayer. in my 45 minutes spent with a client, i can only hope to share some truth and empower her to make better choices, yet God is able to do take my efforts and multiply them. He is bigger than all of the issues. His power is greater than the influences. And He is not bound by culture's restrictions. the only way the kudzu will be tamed is through His strength--God's holy fire clearing the path. He has called you and me to be a part of that process--to speak truth into a broken world, to bind the wounds of the damaged, and to be the "triage" and hands of healing as long as we are able.

when i am consumed by contempt for our loss of values or overwhelmed by the excessive grasp of our culture, i am reminded of His power...and I am grateful that i serve a God that is "able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than i can ever ask or imagine."

winter's welcome

2009-12-13T08:38:00.000-08:00

wow. it's been a month since my last post. and boy, how have things changed since then! november was a lovely month--full of warm weather and beautiful fall colors (at least for the first part of the month!). then, december came. it's entrance was gentle and graceful at first...then it really showed itself as the true tyrant it is. snow, ice, and wind chills of -15! so, needless to say, i've busted out the down coat, scarves, snow boots, and gloves. i've surprised myself at how much i have taken it all in stride. you would think a TN girl who hasn't seen a real temperature of one degree in years would be having an extremely diffiult time with this! i'm not a huge fan of the cold and would much rather spend the greater part of my year in the summer months. however, i knew to expect a harsh winter and tried my best to prepare myself for what was around the corner. (but ask me how i feel in february or march when i'm so sick of seeing snow!)

all this to say, i have been through a huge learning process during this move--and still am going through it. every aspect of my life has been touched by this transition--from small things like the weather and getting used to hearing midwesterners talk, to big things like making friends, finding a church, and learning a new job. i feel like i personally resonate with the changing of seasons. how can i not? my season in life has just changed. i went from a very comfortable summer or fall--rich with the blessings of friends, family, and a place in life i truly enjoyed. then, the winter saunters in--a subtle transition at first, only to throw her harshness upon me as time went on...new location, new job, new people, and the struggle to make them all my own.

one observation i have made about winter is that it brings out an accute awareness in people. leaving your house requires preparation--starting your car early, making sure you have on all of your warm gear, etc. then, the walk to your car requires that you be on guard, watching out for patches of ice or a faulty step here or there. and the drive to work doesn't get any easier--your senses are always intensified, ready to respond to a slick spot in the road or a driver who can't stop because of the ice. you are aware of all that it takes to get from point A to point B.

i think this happens in the "winters" of our lives as well. it's funny how many things we take for granted in the summer and fall. for example, we never think about the process it takes to drive our car down the road--why would we? yet, when the winter comes, we recognize how many factors are involved and how much effort is expended when the weather is difficult. everything takes soooo much longer! and, so it has been with my life recently. there were things that God has brought to the surface during this winter season that i never would have realized or recognized during the summers and falls of my life. it's only because things are difficult am i aware. just like i would never have been aware of all the process we go through to get from point A to point B during good weather. it's only the inclement weather that brings this to my attention.

in a similar fashion, God has used this transition to catch my attention. He is bringing awareness to areas of my life that He wants to change. i have come to recognize things within myself that were deep down--lying dormant during times of comfort and ease. it has only been through the "inclement weather" that they have surfaced. although this process is painful and frustrating at times, i am so grateful that God is working on me. and i am certain that the Holy Spirit will continue to do so (...funny how we are never left alone!) and i know this winter, just like the other seasons, is temporary. one day, i will look back on it from the beauty of spring and will be extremely grateful for this process. and i am already grateful because i know that God is pruning me--forming, shaping, and molding me so that i may be conformed to His likeness and bear more fruit to His glory.

i am amazed at the patience of God towards His children. He doesn't give up on us...and He'll even use things like the Chicago winter to get our attention!

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:1-4

A Season's Change

2009-11-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

The littered ground slowly bubbles
Crunchy leaves defying gravity
Rising up from their fallen state
In an effort to meet me.

The garbled view so dimly perceived
My kaleidescope world seen through water
Spilling over the crested edge
In an effort to be free.

The relentless season silently implodes
Weathered acorn's shell splits open
Inviting its golden innards to exposure
In an effort to live again.

highlights

2009-11-02T08:20:00.001-08:00

So, I thought I would record a few highlights from my adventures in Chicagoland...

1. I bought my first ever pair of snow boots. They almost come up to my knees...I feel so hard core! I never thought I would ever live in a place that required such an apparatus!
2. Along with the boots, I am now a proud owner of a red down coat that has fur around the hood. It is good for up to 40 degrees below zero. I'm covered.
3. I had my first run-in with a raccoon. I never thought it would have happened in the suburbs of Illinois. I mean, I was living in Daniel Boone territory where we make "coon skin" hats...and never had such a close encounter! This raccoon was successfully living in our garage for a couple of days until it made it's break through the vinyl siding.
4. I made an attempt at "Whirley Ball." This is a very "technical" game involving a mixture of bumper cars, lacrosse, and basketball. I was horrible...
5. I bought my first ever pair of leggings. (my first since the days of stirrup pants at least) It's the cool thing around here, along with scarves and boots. Probably due to the lovely weather that is soon approaching...
6. Church shopping has become my hobby. It's quite the task finding a new church home, especially when your old one was so amazing! :) There have been some runners up, but no one who has stolen the crown yet. Keep praying that I'll find the one that's a good fit soon.
7. I went to my first ever CareNet Banquet. (CareNet of DuPage is the organization I work for.) There were 1,100 people there and it was amazing. Dinesh D'Souza spoke and had a lot of great things to say. If you've never heard him, I definitely recommend checking him out...but only when you're brain is ready to be challenged! I am so grateful to work for an organization that works passionately to love and support women and the cause of life.

Well, those are just a few of the highlights. It's been a few months and so far I have survived! :) Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support.

standing guard

2009-10-19T14:23:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was reading Nehemiah and a couple of things really struck me. Nehemiah is not one of those books you frequent for memorable scriptures or words of wisdom. Yet, there is a lot of rich material there. The themes of the book are very compelling--a man stricken for the loss and exile of Jerusalem decided to turn his burden into action by returning to the city to rebuild the wall. However, he didn't just stop there--he rallied everyone around his vision and incorporated whoever is left in the city to work towards this common goal. There's a lot to learn about passion, hard work, and overcoming obstacles. There are also a ton of references towards community, accountability, and protecting one another.

Yet, this weekend, God had something different to point out to me. It was in the last chapter of the book. Nehemiah had come to a close in his work on the wall. Things were back into working order. People filled the city once again. So, he left to go back to his old job as a cupbearer for a bit. Once he left, things started to fall apart. Upon his return, he noticed there were some very clear violations of the laws of God. One of these he points out is the violation of the Sabbath. The people had begun to buy and sell goods and food on this holy day. Nehemiah approached the elders asking them how they could allow such a direct order of God be broken. When nothing changed, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He placed his servants at the gates on Sunday so that no one could enter the city to sell. Soon, people started camping out on the perimeter of the wall so that as soon as the servants left they could come in to sell. So, Nehemiah threatened them with physical harm! (Some things never change!) Then, he decides to do something very interesting. He asks the Levites to cleanse themselves and then he stations them at the wall so that they may help keep the Sabbath holy. After reading all of this, I thought about what a huge effort Nehemiah went through for honoring just one of God's laws. And...soon implications for what all of this means for us began to flood my mind...

We are all "Jerusalem." We can look at it as individuals or as a collective body. And we each reach a point at certain times when we grow apathetic to God's laws and begin to fail to see the purpose or intent behind them. I'm sure the Israelites thought nothing was wrong with buying some cloth or selling some grain on the Sabbath. Yet, Nehemiah saw the disobedience for what it really was and spoke out against it. We each need someone like this in our lives at certain points--someone to tell us we've gotten off-track or began to compromise. He wasn't afraid of what the people thought about him or who he might offend. He spoke the truth with the desire to see Israel get back on track.

But not only do we need Nehemiahs, we also need Levites. We need those who will be commissioned to stand watch. There is a very real enemy and he can be lurking outside of our "walls" at any moment, camped out, waiting for the opportunity to keep us where we're at. The Levites are protectors. They don't allow anything inside that would put us in a compromise.

Yet, they can't fulfill this role without having been cleansed themselves. The Levites cannot be the ones who are selling in the streets. They must be set apart from the disobedience and compromise that is occuring.

And all of this must be done in community. Nehemiah couldn't have done his job without the Levites. The Levites needed each other to stand as an active front. The Israelites needed Nehemiah and the others to help them see what was truly going on. Overall, this is not a one-man show...and neither is our "personal" walk with God.

We might find ourselves in any one of these positions. Perhaps we are an Israelite, wandering off with small compromises and a bit of apathy. We aren't really seeing any harm in what we're doing b/c after all, it's nothing big.

Yet, perhaps we're a Nehemiah. We are in a situation where maybe we are the only ones who see what's REALLY going on. We have a burden or an insight and know that things need to head in another direction.

Or perhaps we're the Levites. We've been called on to "stand watch," to pray or intercede for someone. Maybe we need to shower them with truth or just "be there." Whatever it is, our role is bind together to keep the opportunity for compromise on the outside.

So, what do we do?

If you are an Israelite--allow your life to be spoken into. Be open to hearing words of truth about the situation you are in. And more than that, allow others to come around you to help protect you.

If you are Nehemiah--speak the truth in love! And follow it with timely and wise action. Don't be afraid of what people will think. Share from your heart out of your burden and allow God to work through you.

If you are a Levite--stand together in protection. Pray! Speak truth over the situation you are watching over. Send words of encouragement and affirmation. Bind together with other Levites. Make this a group effort!

Most importantly, it's our job to realize that it's God who does the work. He is our Protector and Strength. Yet, He created us in community and we are given a responsibility for one another. I'm always amazed when He chooses to use His people to do wonderful things! Praise be to God.

oaks of righteousness

2009-10-06T19:20:00.001-07:00

today for work we went to the morton arboretum for a day of prayer and fasting. it was really cool to have the opportunity to spend time in prayer and community (while also getting paid for it!). we spent 4 hours of the day in solitude, seeking after God, reading scripture, praying, and roaming the grounds. i didn't really know what to expect from the exercise, but at the end of the day i was extremely grateful for the ways that God had spoken.

the day started with a reading of hebrews 11. we then had to write down the ways that we had acted out of faith in our past. it was very humbling to think of myself in the same respect as Abraham, Moses, and Jacob. I couldn't imagine being counted among this "great cloud of witnesses." i struggled to come up with something and jotted it down, feeling like my act of faith seemed pretty insignificant in comparison. later, i was thinking about it and came to the realization that the same God that worked in them, lives in me. these people started out "small" and never intended for their lives to be recorded in history. they simply took steps of faith, one at a time, believing that what God had said for them was true. and here we are reading about them thousands of years later.

one of the major things that stuck out about the lives of those recorded in hebrews is the fact that they all suffered persecution and trials. they lived radical lives, willing to face lions, be sawed in two, or endure famine, beatings, and destitution. it's hard to relate to this while living in a 21st century western culture where our greatest persecution comes through a lack of cultural acceptance (and that is at times few and far between). so, what does this mean for me? i was reminded of a call to live a life of radical faith--even though i live in a more accepting day and age. i am asked to step out of the boat, to welcome in the stranger, to sacrifice my dearest things, and enter the lion's den--even if it occurs within the context of midwestern, suburban, Illinois.

later in the day, i spent some time wandering around the trails of the arboretum. as i was looking at all the trees, i saw a HUGE oak tree. i was then reminded of the scripture in Isaiah, describing us as "oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." seeing this majestic creation reminded me of the work that God is able to do in our lives--taking us as a weak seedling and growing us up into strong planting in Him. yet, God wasn't finished with teaching me yet...

i was walking the trail, heading back to my car when i saw a bunch of acorns scattered on the ground. i was reminded of the mighty oak and it's small beginnings...and the fact that the tiny little acorn must go through a process of dying before it is transformed into such a tall tree. then i realized this wasn't just about the acorn, but it was about me. things in my life must die off before new life is able to grow. the fathers of faith in Hebrews are all testaments to this. they endured processes of death, suffering, and persecution so that the glory of God would be revealed in and through their lives. so i must do the same. the hard shell of the acorn must be sloughed off and broken down so that the inner workings can be exposed, allowing the seed to flourish and grow. this is the process i must submit to, and unfortunately, this isn't a one time deal. every day, every hour, there must be a surrender to the process of the Spirit--allowing Him to expose and refine....so that ultimately His splendor will be displayed.

maybe we aren't as different from the "great cloud of witnesses" as i originally thought....

update

2009-09-26T20:18:00.001-07:00

well, i haven't written in a bit, so i just thought i'd post a lil update. this past weekend my parents came to wheaton for a visit. this was their first time north of the mason-dixon line...they survived. :) we went downtown for a architectural boat tour (after an unsuccesful attempt at biking around lake michigan). then, we had chicago pizza, of course. on monday we went back to the city for a visit to the shedd aquarium and the field museum. it was a long day of walking, but i was grateful for the learning experience! we had lots of fun just touring around wheaton as well. from thai food downtown to walking around the lincoln marsh, there were lots of similar experiences that made the weekend memorable. i was grateful to have them here and i'm sure they were thankful to come and see where i lived. now, they can rest assured that i don't live in the ghetto!

as far as my job goes, i'm still training away. this has been the longest training process i have ever endured! however, there is cause for celebration....i will begin seeing clients on monday! this is a very unnerving, yet exciting task for me. i think i have all the information down pat, and hopefully my background in counseling gave me some sort of skills set. for those of you who don't know, the counseling we do is "peer counseling" and doesn't require a degree in mental health. most of it is very specific to pregnancy and/or the different options that women have in response to a "crisis" or "unplanned" pregnancy. there is a whole range of clients that come in--from 40 year old muslims to 15 year old plain ol' white girls. i am surprised at the extent of cultures, backgrounds, and socio-economic statuses that we see (and am extremely grateful for the diversity). i know that i will be challenged by every single woman that i sit across from in the peer counseling room....and i hope to walk away having learned as much from them as they did from me. so, say a little prayer for me that i am continually seeing my clients for who they truly are and able to speak to them where they are at in their lives. i'm sure that i will have stories and moments to share with you all as time goes on...

please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as i continue to transition to life here. i am still searching for different areas to "plug in" to. i hope that i am able to build connections and feel like i am "giving back" in some form or fashion. i am grateful for God having brought me this far and i know He will continue to guide me along the way. thank you all for your love and support as well. and, until next time....

i, the scoffing mourner

2009-09-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

this week i was reading in luke chapter 8 where Jesus heals Jairus' daughter. i had read this passage before and was familiar with the story. however, something struck me this time like it never had before.

Jesus was approached by Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue. he fell at Jesus' feet and pleaded with Him to come to his house to heal his daughter who was very ill. Jesus agreed to go, and as they were on their way, someone came to report that the daughter had already passed away. instead of stopping in His tracks and aborting His mission, Jesus kept on going.

"But Jesus on hearing this answered him, 'Do not fear; only believe and she will be well.' And when he came to the house...all were weeping and mourning for her, but He said, 'Do not weep, for she is not dead, but sleeping.' And they laughed at Him, knowing that she was dead. But taking her by the hand He called, saying, 'Child, arise.' And her spirit returned and she got up at once." Luke 8: 50-55

when Jesus arived He must have seemed crazy. everyone was there weeping and mourning over the loss of this little child and instead of comforting them, he contradicts them. "She is not dead, but sleeping." how ridiculous this must have seemed to the mourners. they were there the whole time. they saw her take her last breath. they knew with certainty that she was gone. however, the reality of their perception was not the truth of the situation.

how often have i been in this spot? how many times have i laughed at the thought of an alternate reality? how easily do i find myself in the shoes of the scoffing mourner?

in seeking to live a life of faith, we all face similar situations on a frequent basis. we see the reality of our lives--cancer, loss, apathy, sin, brokeness, etc--and we recognize them as "the way it is." we see our culture spinning down a spiral of self-indulgence and destructive behavior and accept it as a fact. we watch as laws are passed and decisions are made and believe that nothing will change. well, all of these may be real but are they true?

i serve a God who raises the dead. the One who caused the sun to stand still in the sky. He releases those in bondage to addiction and sin. He went to the grave and came back to tell about it. He's not about doing things the "right way." He doesn't have a set of rules to follow or laws of nature to obey. who am I to tell Him was is "real" and what cannot possibly change? how can i laugh in His face as He whispers, "things will not always be this way" or "this is not how it is" or "no, she is not dead?"

may i have the faith to radically trust, the strength to see past the situation and the obedience to walk forward, no matter how "unreal" it may seem.

captive imagination

2009-08-31T20:16:00.000-07:00

yesterday i visited a satelite branch of willow creek. normally, i'm not a huge "satelite" kind of person, but i really enjoy some of the aspects of willow creek, so i thought i'd check it out. well, needless to say, the sermon was one of those that likes to sit with you for a while. ever notice how sometimes when you leave church a little piece of the message just followed you right out the door? well, this is exactly what happened to me yesterday.
Damien Whitehead has been doing a series on the Church. this week's sermon was called "believe." i wasn't sure quite what to expect from it. i mean, i've heard several sermons about how the Church should be living and responding. yet, this one was so incredibly unique.
he began by sharing a story about his daughter. one night he was awoken by his little girls screams coming from the other room. and being the devoted father he is, Damien rushed in there to see what was wrong. there she was, sitting up in bed, crying. he asks if she had a bad dream. "yeah," she replies. he then asks her what the dream was about. and quite unexpectedly, she says, "elmo." wow. elmo? Damien thinks to himself that he was not quite expecting this one. he walks away confounded that his 4 year old daughter has just had a nightmare about elmo. granted, we all might think it's strange to imagine such a cute cuddly animal from Sesame Street acting out in a "monster-like" way. however, this was not what baffled him. he was taken aback by the fact that his daughter's imagination had been taken captive by the world. when she laid down at night and dreamed dreams, the best her subconscious could do was to conjure up a picture from the media, something that had been fabricated and absorbed.
you can probably guess where this is going... this is incredibly applicable to us as a Church today. our imaginations have been taken captive by the world. if you ask people in your local congregation what things they might hope for in life, they will probably respond with "health, financial stability, a nice home, a loving family, etc." ask the same question to anyone else you might run into on the street and you're more than likely to get a similar reply. "money, security, relationships, etc." our dreams are no different than those of the world.
what does this mean for us? joel told us that in the last days, God will pour out His Spirit on all people. "sons and daughters will prophesy...old men will dream dreams...young men will see visions." (2:28) where have our dreams gone? since when have we settled for what the world has to offer us? isn't God so much greater than that? will we be so easily satisfied?
i walked away challenged to let God radically move...to pray His kingdom come on earth, no matter what that might look like...or what that might cost me. my dreams must shift. no longer can i hope for a productive job, a future spouse, a nice community. i must hope for a life filled with the overflow of God's grace, a passionate awakening of His Spirit, and a mighty movement of His power...to loose the chains of the broken, to bring healing to the wounded, and set the captives free.
what dreams do you dream? we serve a God who is able to do "exceedingly abundantly more than we ask or imagine." don't let your life be defined by the parameters of this culture or the standards of this world. be willing to dream bigger dreams...to imagine the impossible...because we serve a God who is just that BIG.

2009-08-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

Being a "big girl" with my own office now, I have decided that it needed a few extra decorations. (My only wall decor was a map of DuPage county and surrounding areas as well as a picture of a little girl praying...not quite along the lines of "chic.") So, I painted this little pic to make it a little more "homey." The verse is Isaiah 61:3--"to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of the spirit of despair."

This is my theme for my clients. They come in with some pretty tough circumstances and are faced with very trying decisions. I pray that God is able to take their difficult situation and make it into something beautiful. And I would love to see some of them come to Him through the process.

oh the wonderful world of personality profiles...

2009-08-11T20:05:00.000-07:00

one of the tasks during the interview process for my new job was to take the DISC test. for those of you who are unaware of this test, it's a personality profile test similar to myers-briggs or other tests. the scores are placed within four categories--D for dominance, I for influence, S for steadiness, and C for conscientiousness. although these words sum up a thought for each section, they don't quite fully explain the depth of what the scores reflect. basically, to sum it up in the words of Cara Bain, "D's" are type-A, driven, take-charge people. "I's" are the "feelers"--emotional, optimistic, and influential. the "S's" are relationship-oriented. they are stable and don't go well with change. the "C's" are those who are detail-oriented, organized, and facts-focused. they are the anal ones of the group.
well, i will give you guys one guess to figure out which type i am....drum roll please.....
not so surprisingly, it's a "C." i scored 11 in C and tied with 6 in D and S. my poor I category only had a 1. :(
today at staff meeting, my "big boss" as i call her (my boss's boss...the executive director) had us all write down our top DISC score and split up according to scores. D's were in one corner of the room, I's in another, etc. well, i looked i looked around the room then to the people in my corner and realized that i really am a true "C." "just the facts ma'am," would be our mantra. as our group discussed, we decided that the best way to communicate with us is through a direct approach with information (vs emotions). and what we have to offer is organization and attention to detail. we will be the product control. as much as that sounds boring and mundane, i came to claim it this afternoon. i know that i have other aspects to offer a team, however, i am grateful for the gifts i was given in this area. it was interesting to see all the different personalities that each person brings to the team and the way that they all fit together. the D's need the C's to keep them in check. the C's need the S's to help them focus on relationships. and we all need the I's to keep us thinking positively. i love how God designed us that way, forcing us into dependence upon each other.
so i guess at the end of the day i felt proud of scoring a "C"...and in true C fashion, that's a rare occasion.

going and doing

2009-08-08T21:11:00.000-07:00

this week my new place of employment paid for all of us to attend willow creek's leadership summit. this is a global leadership conference spanning the country as well as several other countries world wide. this year's conference had 120,000 attendees. it was crazy to be a part of something that was on such a huge scale.
well, overall the conference was amazing. i would highly recommend it for anyone in any place of leadership--whether it be coaching your local tee-ball team or working for a well known corporation. there was something there for everyone.
personally, i took a lot away from this conference. i was forced to look at my life and ask, "what am i doing for the kingdom of God?" i was challenged to be a part of helping the fight against poverty and to reach out to those in need in my local community. i was asked to really "see" those who work alongside of me and the clients that i may come in contact with--to hear their stories and take time to understand where they are coming from. i was given a command to help the body of Christ to become the bride she was meant to be--pure and unified, loving and self-sacrificing, bold and gracious. overall, i was left with a sense that i'm not quite there yet. i haven't arrived and that's a good thing. there are areas of improvement both within my leadership development as well as who i am as a person. God is in the process of molding me and shaping me....and thankfully He's not done with me yet!

today i set before you...

2009-08-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

today i had a really cool experience. it was one of those moments that made me realize the purpose behind what i'm doing . i have been training for my new job and trying to learn the ropes. (i work at a non-profit christian pregancy center for those of you who don't know.) this is a slooooow process with a lot of information to take in. however, today i was given a more hands-on task with the opportunity to observe a client session. a young lady had called the pregnancy crisis hotline last night with a lot of things going on in her life. she is young and faced with a pregnancy she didn't really want. she had an appointment scheduled for an abortion this morning, but agreed to come in to the pregnancy center for consultation. today she came in and had a pregancy test and ultrasound. overnight something had started to change within her. she wasn't so sure about her decision anymore and thought abortion was not for her. she realized that she wanted to keep the baby despite lack of support or difficult situations she might face. it was incredible to watch this transformation---the one that takes place from death to life. tonight i was reminded of the verse in jeremiah 21:8 "see i'm setting before you the way of life and the way of death." this was one of those such days. one second the choice was death and another moment later the choice was life. i was so grateful to have been an observer to this experience and to be reminded of the importance of a moment--one decision, one person's availability, one listening ear. one small thing can make one huge impact.

wheaton observations part 1

2009-08-02T20:46:00.000-07:00

some thoughts about wheaton part one.

1. people are surprisingly nice. i expected the "rude northern" attitude, but i've encountered quite the opposite. the normal everyday wheaton citizen will hold the door open for you when you walk out of the store rather than allow it to slap you in the face. it's not quite up to par with southern hospitality, but it's not what i expected from the north either.

2. the weather is crazy here. we actually sat outside today when we went to lunch. the temps were in the 70s all day. not quite the sultry august i'm used to.

3. i can't ignore one of the main aspects of illinois...no, it's not chicago style pizza or the cubs. it's the ACCENT. the nasal, in your face, accent that can't be ignored. i know i will eventually get used to it, but right now i miss being surrounded by drawls and southern slang. i will just have to listen to some country music every now and again to get my fix. :)

well, these are just a few of my initial thoughts. i'll update the list as time goes on.

2009-07-29T09:31:00.001-07:00

So, I guess it's about time to post something. This week was my last one spent in Cleveland, TN (for the time being anyways). I had two goodbye parties and spent a lot of time with friends. I have come to realize what a great community I have going on here. From my "church friends" to the "ResLifers," my life is filled with some wonderful people. I have been blessed by their presence in my life and the joy, accountability, and friendship they have brought. They will be impossible to replace. To all you out there, please know that I value you so much and I am so grateful for your friendship!

Tomorrow I hit the road and start off for my new adventure...and an adventure it has already been! Trying to fit everything I own into a 2 door Honda Accord is not an easy task. Luckily, my friend offered to take some of my stuff up the following week. Even then, there were a few boxes to ship. The thing I realized this week is that I really want to get a VW Golf as my next car. Thank goodness I don't have it already or I would have been in BIG trouble! I might have to consider a SUV for my next purchase. :)

Well, off I go on a wing and a prayer (or a cram-packed car on a 4 cylinder engine!). I'll keep you posted!

here i am

2009-07-15T12:33:00.000-07:00

So, I'm kind of new at this whole blogging thing. I started off writing "notes" on Facebook and MySpace...and somehow along the way, it has morphed into me starting this little blog. I have a love for writing, yet I am NEVER consistent. I'm hoping this will provide for me some sort of accountability. (That's what you guys are there for...you didn't know you had a role to play in all of this did you?) We'll see how this goes. :)

Along with beginning a new blog, I am beginning a new journey in life--a job in a new city, in a new state, halfway across the country! I am excited about this new phase in life, but have no idea how this transition is going to pan out. I am just a country girl that has always grown up in rural Tennessee. I love the mountains and lazy summer days, the sound of the cicadas at night outside of my window and the sweet smell of honeysuckle on the vine. What will I do in a land of snowy winters and blistery winds? Grasslands and skyscrapers? And not to mention the fact that I am going to be scrutinized whenever I say the words "ya'll" or "fixin' to!" Hmm...it should be very interesting! However, I am really excited to see what is in store for me along this journey. I know that there are new people to meet and lots of lessons to learn along the way.

Before I received the job offer, I read a book called "Through Painted Deserts" by Donald Miller. I am a huge Donald Miller fan (here's the shameless plug for all things that he has written) but had never read this particular book. It was the first one he ever published and is more of a memoir of a road trip he took as a young adult. I had lots of free time on my hands since I had no job and decided to check it out. Needless to say, it has stuck with me ever since. There wasn't anything enormously profound that gripped me through his writing. Rather it was exactly what I needed for the season that I was in....the time of transition that I was facing around the corner. Donald says something in the introduction to his book that haunted me from the moment I read it. After sharing some of his thoughts he concludes by telling his readers to "Go!." He commands them to experience life, to take a step and leave what is comfortable and familiar. So, two months later, here I am. I put a lot of prayer and thought into this decision. It was no easy one! I decided to accept the offer to start over somewhere else--not because it was an income or a gret job, although those things are definitely beneficial--but because I felt like it was the right thing. Now I have a chance to "go," to have new experiences and new opportunities that I may have never encountered if I had stayed. Things will be difficult and I know there will be rough patches along the journey, but its the unfamiliar path that heightens our senses. We are forced to be diligent and see the things we never saw before or feel the things we have never felt. So, here goes! I strap on my boots and head out for this new adventure. I start this blog as a way to share my stories and experiences along the way...and invite all of you to journey with me! I can't wait to see what's around the corner...